Weird Science

In turning the 1985 feature film of the same name into a sitcom, weird science (USA, March 5, 10-10:30 p.m.) has become stupider, and a bit more hateful. You may recall the premise: Two nerds (here, John Mallory Asher and Michael Manasseri) construct their dream girl. In the movie she was played by Kelly LeBrock; in USA’s version she’s embodied by Vanessa Angel. This is where I’m supposed to say, ”And what a body!,” but one of the least likable things about Weird Science is that it does all the salivating for you. Angel’s com- puter-birthed character, Lisa, describes herself as ”leggy, buffed, and brainy”: She arrives pre-ogled, as it were. But if you don’t come to Weird Science to ogle, you won’t hang around for the laughs, since they don’t exist. The geek comedy stuff between Asher and Manasseri seems about a decade out of date; what passes for inventiveness is a riposte such as, ”What are you lookin’ at, snot-lick?” At one point, Lisa, simpering happily in her umpteenth tiny dress, remarks that the two jerks responsible for her creation ”own” her. Weird Science isn’t really weird at all-it’s just a metaphor suggesting that one thing a dork really wants to be is a pimp. D-