TV: Best and Worst 1995

Forget the People’s Choice Awards. Forget the Golden Globes. Forget the Emmys. We now present the first TV EWwys, Entertainment Weekly‘s highly selective list of what moved us — and what merely made us want to move away — on the tube this fall. From ER to Dweebs, we’ve seen it all and lived to tell about it:

Best New Melrose Place Hunk: Antonio Sabato Jr., as the long-lost husband of Amanda (Heather Locklear). Ten times sexier than any of those other himbos. Maybe that’s why they had to kill him.

Worst New Melrose Place Hunk: Perry King, as the rich husband of Alison (Courtney Thorne-Smith). Perry (Riptide) King? Thank God they finally killed him.

Best Nudity: Copulating cops Russell (Kim Delaney) and Simone (Jimmy Smits) on NYPD Blue. Truly New York’s finest.

Worst Nudity: Julie Andrews (in a scene from S.O.B.) on 60 Minutes. CBS should have warned viewers in advance so they could adjust their pacemakers.

Best Beatles-Related Guest Shot: Paul and Linda McCartney on The Simpsons. Cheeky, fun, and five and a half hours shorter than The Beatles Anthology.

Worst Beatles-Related Guest Shot: Yoko Ono on Mad About You. It turns out she can’t tell a joke, either.

Best Titles: Chunnel and Chow Fun, the great fake-movie names on Seinfeld. From the makers of Rochelle, Rochelle and Prognosis Negative.

Worst Title: Too Something, a moniker so forgettable Fox is running a contest to replace it. How about Too Nothing?

Best Halloween Episode: The Simpsons. Homer explored the brave new world of computer-generated animation weeks before Toy Story came out.

Worst Halloween Episode: Roseanne. Bloopers in the middle of a scene, a cameo by Jerry Garcia’s ghost—this show has got so far off track it’s scary.

Best Medical Romance: Dr. Benton (Eriq La Salle) and Jeanie Boulet (Gloria Reuben) on ER. Sordid, messy, and painful—just like real life.

Worst Medical Romance: Dr. Shutt (Adam Arkin) and Dr. Austin (Christine Lahti) on Chicago Hope. Playing footsie under the desk, necking in the hallway—is this a hospital or a high school?

Best Redheaded Secretary: Beth (Vicki Lewis) on NewsRadio. We haven’t laughed so hard at a desk jockey since Carol Kester Bondurant (Marcia Wallace) on The Bob Newhart Show.

Worst Redheaded Secretary: Sydney (Laura Leighton) on Melrose Place. She must have something better — or worse — to do than answer the phones for doctors Michael (Thomas Calabro) and Peter (Jack Wagner).

Best Radio Station Boss: Jimmy (Stephen Root) on NewsRadio. We haven’t laughed so hard at an AM exec since Arthur Carlson (Gordon Jump) on WKRP in Cincinnati.

Worst Radio Station Boss: Kate Costas (Mercedes Ruehl) on Frasier. If she’s such a great intellectual, how come she mispronounced the word thesaurus?

Best Post-90210 Project: Christine Elise joining the staff of ER. But how does a hardworking medical student find the time to do her hair so nicely every day?

Worst Post-90210 Project: Gabrielle Carteris getting her own daytime talk show. We’d rather watch Shannen!

Best Post-Wings Project: Thomas Haden Church’s Ned and Stacey. He stars in his own show—and this one’s funny.

Worst Post-Wings Project: Farrah Forke’s Dweebs. She starred in her own show—for about six weeks.

Best X-Files Plotline: Psychic Peter Boyle predicts how agent Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) will die. His spookiest, goofiest work since Young Frankenstein.

Worst X-Files Plotline: A comatose Mulder gets healed by a Native American. At least they didn’t rename him Dances With Fox.

Best Hick Kid: Lucas Black on American Gothic. A native Alabamian with an accent so authentically thick you’d swear he learned it from Meryl Streep.

Worst Hick Kid: Haley Joel Osment on The Jeff Foxworthy Show. You might be a redneck if you think this brat’s a good actor.

Best Comeback: Ernest Borgnine on The Single Guy. McHale sails again!

Worst Comeback: Jason Bateman on Simon. His career’s in only slightly better shape than his sister Justine’s.

Best Reason to Stay Home Saturday Nights: David James Elliott on JAG. He looks good in a uniform—and out of one.

Worst Reason to Stay Home Saturday Nights: Marie Osmond on Maybe This Time. Then again, maybe not.

— Bruce Fretts and the TV staff