Sound Bites

”Hugh Hefner turned 70 today. You can tell because next month’s Playmate is Angela Lansbury.”
Conan O’Brien on Late Night

”Rap star Hammer is suing the LAPD after he and his entourage were mistakenly handcuffed by police. The most shocking part of this story: Hammer has an entourage.”
Norm MacDonald on Saturday Night Live

”I’ve had a few mornings like that myself.”
Jose Chung (Charles Nelson Reilly), about a UFO abductee who woke up wearing her clothes inside out and backward, on The X-Files

”Unabomber — that should not be confused with the nickname I had following the 1995 Academy Awards: Umabomber.”
David Letterman on Late Show