Sound Bites

”I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.” Homer, after his IQ was increased by 50 points, on The Simpsons

”If Raymond goes, I get her. I’m the brother. It’s in the Bible.” Robert (Brad Garrett), regarding Ray’s wife, Debra (Patricia Heaton), on Everybody Loves Raymond

”Justin Timberlake of ‘N Sync is being sued by a 15-year-old fan who claims he subjected her to verbal abuse. Apparently, she’s suing him for verbal abuse because at his last concert he sang two encores.” Conan O’Brien on Late Night

”I’ll quit coffee with you. It won’t be easy drinking my Bailey’s straight, but I’ll get used to it. It’ll still be the best part of waking up.” Karen (Megan Mullally) to Jack (Sean Hayes), on Will & Grace

”Jennifer Lopez is getting $9 million for The Wedding Planner. That’s just up front — on top of that, she’s got a huge back end.” Jay Leno on The Tonight Show