Sound Bites

”I can’t believe I’m at a public pool. Why doesn’t somebody just pee directly on me?” Karen (Megan Mullally), attending her stepson’s swim meet, on Will & Grace

”You don’t really have any friends, Red. It’s an unfortunate side effect of telling everybody to stick it up their butts.” Kitty (Debra Jo Rupp) to husband Red (Kurtwood Smith) on That ’70s Show

”Ricky Martin will perform at the Lincoln Memorial as part of Bush’s inaugural. Apparently, Mr. Bush’s first step in restoring the dignity of the presidency is having a soap star sing ‘She Bangs’ at the foot of the Great Emancipator.” Tina Fey on SNL

”Temptation Island helps four devoted couples determine their partners’ loyalty by sending them to a remote island and surrounding them with 26 hot singles. It’s the same sort of random scientific method that produced penicillin … or at least the need for it.” Jon Steward on The Daily Show