Soundbites

”I’m 54 years old today. I’m finally old enough to watch CBS.” David Letterman on Late Show

”In Washington last week, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of 200 high school students. There were no survivors.” Tina Fey on SNL

”So, computers? I hear they basically break down to a bunch of ones and zeros. I don’t know how that means I can see naked women on my screen, but God bless you people.” Doug (Kevin James), meeting a techie, on The King of Queens

”Anything Frank Barone does, my father has done — only without pants.” Ray Romano, comparing his TV dad to his real father, on MSNBC’s Headliners & Legends

”Kevin Costner did what the Russians could never do: snuck a bomb into Cuba.” Craig Kilborn, discussing the star’s Havana screening of Thirteen Days, on The Late Late Show