Valentine

The horror, indeed. This un-fun parade of flesh ‘n’ blood is bad. Not guilty-pleasure bad — but bad. A listless string of supercoifed cuties read greeting cards (out LOUD!) and then get whacked, which is neither scary nor sad given that both the cast of kinda Clueless clones and the script lack the humor of the Scream flicks. It’s as if all that posing for Maxim has Denise Richards (and friends) so stiff that they can’t even eat a bowl of cereal and talk about boys at the same time. Run, audience, run!