Ned Kelly

As the dingoes chew my feet away/And the crows peck out my eyes/I’m swingin’ in the shadows of the gallows.” That’s from the soundtrack of Ned Kelly — not the upcoming version with Heath Ledger, mind you, but the original oddity starring Mick Jagger as Australia’s celebrated 19th-century outlaw and anticolonial freedom fighter. Mick doesn’t sing the tunes — the late Waylon Jennings handles the wailin’. Didn’t write them either — that honor belongs to poet Shel Silverstein, who knew Where the Sidewalk Ends but couldn’t seem to figure out where his dreary ballads should. No, Sir Mick is here as an actor — at least, in theory. In practice, he’s here to talk robotically, fist-fight unconvincingly, and garnish his giant lips with terrifying period facial hair. All of which makes Ned a must for the curio collector, and a must-avoid for everyone else.