The Longest Yard

Slaphappy Burt Reynolds deserves a few whacks himself for taking a supporting role in this sloppy no-huddle remake of his 1974 football classic, The Longest Yard. Disgraced quarterback Paul Crewe is now played by Adam Sandler, who will hold the record for least logical casting until Woody Allen portrays Indiana Jones. Sadly, the ex-Waterboy and friends bring no freshness and little humor to the story of a motley posse of cons who square off on the gridiron against their prison guards. EXTRAS Mixing comics Sandler and Chris Rock with Reynolds should’ve at least delivered a blooper reel of Cannonball Run proportions, but ”Fumbles and Stumbles” lacks even a hint of chaos. The best gags, detailed in ”First Down and Twenty-Five to Life,” are actually from the ex-jocks in the film: Former Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin mischievously replaces the softer stunt locker door with the real thing just before berserk Bill Romanowski slams his head into it. As a viewer of this fiasco, you won’t have to imagine how that feels.