'Melrose Place' recap: The doctor is in (trouble)

Things kicked off with David breaking into his dad Michael’s house, getting caught and then changing the subject to accuse his father of murder. That happens all the time at your house, right?

It turns out Michael has a strong motive to kill Sydney — after he helped her fake her own death, the police uncovered her ruse and sent Syd to prison for six years (how about an Sydney-in-Oz spin off!?). On the night of her death, Sydney threatened to expose his part in the plot to the medical board. And we previously learned in the first episode that she had threatened to tell his wife about their affair. So that’s a double motive.

At least Michael has some helpful distractions, such as his thieving son and aspiring doctor/call girl Lauren, who landed herself a spot on Dr. Mancini’s team. He’s already called her ambition “adorable” so it’s only a matter of hours before they are sleeping together. And since this is Melrose Place, only a few hours after that until she’s also sleeping with his son. Heck, why stop there — would a father-son-neighbor threesome be allowed in prime time?

Among the other tenants, Violet tried to impress Auggie with a hot dress (stolen from her dead maybe-mother’s wardrobe, of course) and a gift of sunglasses (that’s a sign of true love in L.A.) but he wasn’t biting yet. I can’t help but notice that they both have the same horrible far-off flashback/contemplation/confusion stare (is this just bad acting or actually intentional?), so these two seem compatible on that front.

Ella had a “hot” music video project that she handed over to aspiring director Jonah, only it turns out he won’t get credit for it. Still, Jonah was happy to get out of the house because annoying Riley still hadn’t told her parents or best friends that she was engaged — and even more shocking, she hadn’t updated her Facebook relationship status. The horror!

The video shoot was unintentionally comic relief — a gun-toting singer in ridiculous outfits singing “We are all just human beings/Across the ocean, overseas.” Back at home, Riley drank an entire bottle of red wine (that a girl!) and kissed Auggie. Finally.

The episode ended with David’s snooping and computer hacking finally paying off — he discovers that Michael has secret files on Melrose Place residents both past (Jo, Jane, Allison, Amanda) and present.

That begs the question: how does Michael have time to play tennis with his trophy wife, break into his son’s apartment, stalk everyone that ever lived at Melrose Place, and somehow be the world’s best surgeon — as Lauren swooned, the inventor of the “transcatheter aortic valve.” What a multi-tasker!

He’ll be joined by more of the old gang soon — Michael’s ex-wife Jane is the new landlord starting next week, and we’re thrilled with the news that Heather Locklear’s Amanda will soon be cat fighting with Ella.

Meanwhile, tonight’s best line (again, perhaps unintentionally), comes from the Confucius-like Auggie: “Relationships are complicated. Cooking comes with instructions.”

So, what do you think of that Riley-Auggie kiss? How soon before Michael Mancini is playing doctor with Lauren? Finding all these flashbacks annoying or are they keeping things interesting? Think Jane will be as scandalous a landlord as Sydney was?

Photo Credit: Jaimie Trublood/The CW