'Gossip Girl' recap: Father knows (how to lie) best

Image Credit: Giovanni Rufino/The CWGossip gang, there is finally proof to all the things we’ve been saying for weeks: Chuck and Blair proved they’re the most watchable couple on the CW — even when technically “broken up.” Lily proved she might be the only person on TV who lies more than Chuck and Blair combined. Dan got proof from an outside source (thanks, Willa) that his sister dresses like a slut. And Jenny proved why she does. There’s the quick of it. I will now open the floor to (totally fabricated) questions and provide to you honest, albeit not completely serious, answers. Let the fun begin.

I’m entertaining an underage girl at my apartment later — not like that. She’s a little bit annoying and has been putting the moves on me despite my signals that she’s just a friend. (I even rubbed her head like a dog!) I don’t want to blow her off completely because she’s the best friend I’ve had around since my girlfriend has been away and keeping secrets from me. How can I entertain said kid without seeming like a chester? — N. A.

Wii tennis works great, I hear. Kiddies also love morning waffles and Tim Burton, especially when they walk around in their daily lives looking like a character from one of his animated movies. Just don’t leave any of your Hugo Boss button-down shirts lying around. Kids get into everything.

Did Billy Baldwin do a great job as the van der Woodsen patriarch? — Mrs. B.

Indeed he did. As Serena and Eric’s M.I.A. father, Baldwin was sly, cunning, and faux empathetic. In other words, he fit in great with the rest of our gang on the Upper East Side. As it turned out, he and Lily were having their secret meetings because he had been treating Lily for cancer — we think. A phone call he had with an unnamed associated at the end of the episode told us that Dr. vdW has been getting fake prescriptions for Lily. How long he’s been doing so is in question because we’re not sure at what point Lily sought of the help of her ex. My guess is that she was sick but has been cured for a while. We’ll have to wait and see.

I’m about to have a threesome with a really rich guy. Problem is, he pointed out that there’s an outlet by the bed, and I’m not sure what he was insinuating. — Blondie, via text

I’m at a loss. Best of luck.

My ex-boyfriend has put a dating fatwa on me. So I’m going to an artsy party in Brooklyn (don’t worry, I plan on still being the most ferosh-dressed one there) to find a boy to kiss in attempt to end to the madness. What should I drink at the party? — Queen B

Look for a 6′ 4” cool glass of water from the Columbia U. tap.

Tell me more about what went on with Chuck and Blair. — Impatient

Direct, eh? Okay, my favorite Chair moment was at the party after Blair tried to work up the nerve to make out with the aforementioned Columbia guy. After deciding not to, Blair was approached by Chuck and delivered the night’s best moment, saying “I suddenly realized the way to get over you isn’t to hook up with some random guy or pretend we didn’t happen. You and I loved each other. [Dramatic pause] Then, you broke my heart. I’ve been doing everything possible not to face that fact. I’m going to kiss somebody someday, and when I do, it’ll be for me.”

Vanessa is going to get into the Tisch Dramatic Writing Program and not Dan. Just wanted to share. — I Know All

You sure do. And you probably predicted that Dan would get all weepy about it and do something to screw it up for Vanessa (unintentionally, of course — because he is Holier Than Thou Dan). [Yawn] We done here?

Is there something more than friendship growing between Dan and Blair? — Curious

I would have said yes last week (and then promptly thrown up). But the coffee shop scene the two shared this week didn’t show a spark so much as friendship (which I can deal with). I’m hoping the budding-relationship angle was something the writers tried on a whim last week, but ultimately decided against on a count of all the projectile vomit in the episode testing room.

I think my step-sister is trying to get with my boyfriend. Okay, I don’t think; I know. She tried to kiss him, but I caught her. What should I do? — Anonymous

Don’t worry. I hear she’s going on tour soon. Wait, wrong reality. If all else fails, call in back up.

That’s all for now, PopWatchers. What did you think of the episode? What do you make of this Lily drama? Is Chair better apart or together? I’m loving both. Feel free to pose a question and maybe one of your fellow Gossipers will answer for you.