Hit List: March 16, 2012

Jon Bon Jovi turns 50
THEN: Your love=bad medicine.
NOW: Bad medicine=expired Advil.

Scarlett Johansson reportedly to play Janet Leigh in making-of-Psycho film
”Babe, I told you there was a perfectly good reason I Googled ‘Scarlett Johansson and shower,”’ 8 million dudes nervously said to their girlfriends.

Snooki is pregnant
We could joke about her cravings for pickles, but isn’t that what got her in trouble in the first place?

Brazilian man arrested for allegedly trying to open bank account with fake ID featuring Jack Nicholson’s photo
Police knew they had the right guy when they searched his duffel bag and found a pair of sunglasses, an eyebrow-arching machine, and three Laker Girls.

Justin Bieber turns 18
You went to a strip club and bought cigarettes. He was surprised on Ellen with an electric sports car. His was better.

Gary Busey bites head off fish in Piranha 3DD trailer
Don’t worry, animal rights activists monitored all action on set and confirmed that no Busey had been harmed during the making of this film.

James Gandolfini’s recent remarks on the Sopranos finale: ”When I first saw the ending, I was like, ‘What the f—”’
Sorry we don’t have the rest, but David Chase cut Gandolfini to black.

The Artist‘s Uggie named spokesdog for Nintendo
That’s so stupid! How can the dog talk? Obviously, he’s a silent movie star.

Kid Rock lets Mitt Romney use ”Born Free” as campaign song
It came with a price. If Romney wins, he has to ride to the inauguration with Rock in a party boat full of pony kegs and memories of a really kick-ass summer.