Sound Bites: Jan. 25 2013

”I would like to thank the Academy. I’m kidding, I’m kidding!”
—Ben Affleck, referencing being snubbed for a Best Director Oscar nomination during his acceptance speech for the directing prize at the 18th Annual Critics’ Choice Movie Awards

”A cop that’s not for sale is like a dog with rabies — you just gotta put him down.”
— Mickey Cohen (Sean Penn) in Gangster Squad

”Kathryn Bigelow, nominated tonight. I haven’t really been following the controversy over Zero Dark Thirty, but when it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron.”
—Amy Poehler, while co-hosting the Golden Globes alongside Tina Fey

”I be on my suit and tie s— tied s—…tied/I be on my suit and tie s— tied s—/Can I show you a few things?”
—Justin Timberlake on ”Suit & Tie,” featuring Jay-Z

”We should start calling her Ranch House — because she doesn’t have a second story.”
—Cam (Eric Stonestreet), making fun of his sister-in-law Claire (Julie Bowen) for telling the same story over and over again, on Modern Family

”I only hate sunburns and hangovers. This is just business.”
— Rayna Jaymes (Connie Britton), when Juliette Barnes (Hayden Panettiere) accuses the country legend of hating her, on Nashville

”Maybe I wanna be Wendi Murdoch, maybe that’s my new thing.”
— Elijah (Andrew Rannells), on his future as a trophy wife, on Girls

”I’m now 25 minutes closer to my lifelong dream of cohosting The View.”
— Jimmy Kimmel, on the first night that his show aired at 11:35 p.m., on Jimmy Kimmel Live!