'Duck Dynasty' premiere recap: Wait, did I just cry?

I had to see what this Duck Dynasty situation was all about. Little did I know that by tuning in for Wednesday’s season 4 premiere, I’d be entering a WORLD OF TEARS prompted by the pop-up vow renewal ceremony of Willie’s parents — Phil Robertson and his wife of 48 years and counting, Miss Kay.

Phil is instantly my favorite character, a thoughtful voice of reason who quietly arrives at the punchline (somehow nearly every sentence he deadpans has a punchline) at his own pace. “Miss Kay, you wanna know something?” he asked his wife as they sat along the creek. “You are my best buddy.”

But the real waterworks began as Kay shyly made her way down the aisle looking pinup-chic in a sassy face-framing half-veil, began her vows. “All I can say is… From the time I was 14 years old, I loved you. We been through some good times and some hard times. I loved you when we were poor and not so nice. Now you’re really nice. And kind. All I can say about that is, I’m not going anywhere.”

“That’s good to know,” Phil gruffly confirmed.

Brother Jep, voice of the audience, was already bawling. (The “now you’re really nice” line was what set me off.)

“Let’s see, Miss Kay. We’ve been runnin’ together since we were teenagers. The old blue Chevrolet, Si in the back….”

…drinking from the same cup back then, I presume…

Phil continued. “You have cooked me many a good meal. From your loins came four healthy, godly men. You are my best friend, I love you dearly, and I’m going to be with you for the long haul, ’til they put me in the ground. Good?”

“Perfect.”

“Our marriage is living proof that love and family can getcha through anything.” –Kay

Meanwhile, the rest of the episode centered around an outdoor day care for grown men run by three of their beautiful and patient wives, and a wandering road trip conducted by Si with the help of his trusty road soda (sweet tea? I want some). It might take me a few more episodes to admit there’s a slight chance Uncle Si is not just Larry David in disguise, punking us all.

I guess that means I’m on board the pimped-out Duck Dynasty RV. [AGGRESSIVE WHIP SOUND!] Time for me to stroll away with one thumb up, in the grand style of my best new TV buddy Phil.

Did you love the premiere? Do you plan on making Duck Dynasty your Wednesday night “bang zone,” in the Godly spirit of Pastor Al — the never-before-seen “perfectly shorn black sheep of the Roberstons”?

Discuss!