I'm watching Dance Moms with my 8-year-old twin daughters: Episode 17

“Stupid mini moms!” That’s what one of my daughters shouted at the TV about 2 minutes and 23 seconds into the latest episode of Dance Moms, when we saw that the minis were back this week.

“Maya! That’s not nice!” I reprimanded. However, about 17 seconds later, I realized that statement was dead-on and I silently reprimanded myself for reprimanding her.

I realize that things aren’t always what they seem on TV, and I hate to judge from my couch, but let me tell you why these mini moms are indeed “stupid.”

1. They dress their 6 to 8-year-old daughters in more makeup than I wear for a black-tie event.
2. They engage in arguments with the elite moms, making the elite moms even more unbearable than they already have been this season.
3. After they engage and get abused by the elite moms, they cry, storm off, and come back again for more abuse, whereby looking like fools on national TV.
4. They always try to give Abby a hug and be nice to her when it’s obvious that it’s physically painful for Abby to even talk to them.
5. They subject their cute daughters (I know: pot/kettle) to all this drama.

The minis are supposed to compensate for the fact that Maddie and Mackenzie are leaving. They are supposed to distract and entertain us, because apparently, the rest of the girls, Brynn and her mother Ashlee, plus the rest of the elite moms are not enough. Guess what? Adding the minis isn’t enough either. As a last ditch effort, my daughters and I want to take this time to write a quick note to Melissa.

Dear Melissa,

We understand that Maddie is getting too “big” for the Dance Moms world. As we know, that was the goal from the start. None of us thought she would be here forever. However, Mackenzie isn’t at that level yet. She still has time. Couldn’t you just leave us Mackenzie until she is fully ready to move on? You could also make some appearances, continue to remain on air/relevant — and it will all be good! We can’t go through another season of smoke and mirrors. We need the real deal. Please? Leave us Mackenzie!

Signed,

Lana, Maya, and Zoe