American Idol recap: 'Gives Back' in the Saddle Again

The spirit of generosity was most definitely in the air during tonight’s Idol Gives Back telecast. President Obama quoted Randy. Victoria Beckham interacted with common folk. And Tatiana del Toro was granted a temporary return to the Idol stage. Perhaps most exciting of all, though, legendary Capt. Chesley Sullenberger gave us simple instructions for getting in touch with our inner heroes.

Indeed, those of us who donated by calling 877-Idol-Aid or visiting AmericanIdol.com made Sully’s daring Hudson River plane landing — in which he saved 155 lives — look absolutely pedestrian. Or at least that’s what Sullenberger himself allowed us to believe for a moment when he looked into the camera and noted that our simple donations had the potential to save the lives of thousands. Oh yeah, take that Sullenberger! You got served!

But just as Idol can giveth, so too can it taketh away. And while the show was staging a complex, multi-location telethon tonight, that didn’t absolve it from conducting the harsh business of whittling the season 9 finalists from seven down to six. After the ”Kumbaya” had settled, we bid adieu to Tim Urban, whose blinding white button-down shirt and pants made him look one parachute pack short of someone who was about to take a leap of faith out the side of a plane.

Ken Warwick & Co. made some peculiar choices in the run-up to Tim’s ouster. The first two ”one or the other is in the bottom two” pairings consisted of Crystal Bowersox and Casey James, and Lee DeWyze and High School Student Aaron Kelly, which pretty much obliterated any early-episode suspense over who might be at risk. Of course, with pro-tem leaders Crystal and Lee back on the safety couches, and Casey, Aaron, and Aaron’s Unfortunate Shredded Pants relegated to the Silver Stools of Doom (TM), the remaining combo of Michael Lynche-Siobhan Magnus-Tim Urban did leave me in a state of heightened speculation during the telecast’s multiple ad breaks: Which one was at risk?

Tim, not surprisingly, would go on to handle his exit with grace and (what else) a massive, unflinching smile. I loved how Tim raised his arms in victory and let out a little whoop when Ryan declared that Casey was safe, and that he’d reached the end of his ”Idol journey.” At this point in the competition, with Randy having descended into giving him sliding-scale critiques, Kara questioning his intelligence, Ryan openly calling him ”Turban,” and Ellen — who likes everything — declaring she didn’t like his Tuesday-night Goo Goo Dolls soup, Tim must’ve known he was a man on borrowed time. But we didn’t see him mope or pout or huff. We just saw a guy visibly thrilled with his good fortune, his good experience, and his very good hair.

Would I have swapped him at any possible turn to get Jermaine Purifory or Alex Lambert back in the competition? Absolutely. But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t developed a begrudging respect for the way Tim conducted himself in a situation that might’ve left a less emotionally steady contestant in tears. On the scale of seventh-place finishers, dude is definitely more Kristy Lee Cook than Jennifer Hudson, but if there’s ever an Oscar for Mr. Congeniality, he might just get it — even if he didn’t get the chance for an exit performance!

NEXT: Oh, Fergie!

Tonight’s elimination was just a small part of an episode that ran waaaaaay over its allotted timeslot, though, and was split into two locations: Ryan Seacrest hosting from the Idol studios, and Queen Latifah Sponsored by Red Bull emceeing the performances at the Pasadena Civic Auditorium. (Note to Ryan: It’s probably best if you never again attempt to mimic the Queen’s ”street” lingo: Your ”We hyped up, too!” caused dizziness, blurred vision, nausea and metallic taste in the mouth at Casa Slezak.) Now that we’ve got that important PSA out of the way, let’s review tonight’s performances:

Season 9’s Top 12: ”Keeping the Dream Alive” Dear Fox/Fremantle/19, In less than six months, you’re going to be releasing albums from at least two of the singers forced to lipsynch their way through that lukewarm musical gruel that contained so many meaningless words and so many awful dance moves. Which leaves me with a question once poetically posed by Annie Lennox: ”Why-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y?” Also: We know this was not a live performance because there wasn’t a single bum note among Paige Miles, Lacey Brown, Andrew Garcia, and Tim Urban, and that’s sci-fi level chicanery. F

Black Eyed Peas: ”Rock That Body” How come every time I see the Black Eyed Peas perform on TV, it all sounds so strangely disjointed, like the music is being pumped in from two doors down, while all the singing is being processed through a tin can? Still, as far as songs that inspire me go, I’ll take ”Rock That Body” over ”I Believe I Can Fly” every single time. ”Get a little crazy/ Get a little stooopid/ Get a little crazy/ Get a little stooopid.” Those are words to live by, people! Also, Fergie’s insane snakeskin bathing suit and thigh-high boots (complete with thigh guards) were total game-changers. I’m not sure what game they changed, but I am unabashedly obsessed. Bonus points for sporting Wonder Woman cuffs and a crazy cape. Fergie’s outfit alone upgrades the performance by a full letter grade. B+

Jeff Beck and Joss Stone with the Jubilation Choir: ”I Put a Spell on You” Um, not really an ”inspirational” joint, but Beck (in a white vest and silver arm cuffs) was typically a-mah-zzz, and Stone (a singer who always leaves me a little cold) ripped into the vocal like a hungry bear to a freshly caught salmon. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder why IGB producers didn’t just ask Kelly Clarkson or Fantasia to tackle lead vocal duties on this one. Points also lost for Stone’s reverse-Madonna pronunciation of ”can’t stand it” as ”can’t stained it.” B

NEXT: Mary J. Blige’s all-star band

Alicia Keys and the Planet’s Least-Flattering Pantsuit, Chosen Perhaps for Maximum Front-to-Back Storage Space: ”Unthinkable”/”Empire State of Mind (pt 2)” Okay, yeah, the first song was kind of a shapeless mess, and this week’s guest mentor had pitch problems when she sat down at the piano for her second ditty, but, all that got erased in the instant she sang…”In Noooo York! Concrete jungle where dreams are made of! There’s nothing you can’t do-ooh!” B+

Teasing Us With David Cook in Da House But Not Letting Him Sing??? Are you freakin’ kidding me? Totally unacceptable. F

Carrie Underwood: ”Change” Okay, so the song is a little bit ”So Small,” a little bit ”Another Day in Paradise.” So what? She sang the tarnation out of tha tpablum with a ton of heart and dare I say quite a bit of…soul? Oh yes I do dare say it. That flared black and gold dress, like something Christian Siriano would make after watching Far From Heaven was a total dream. I’d give this an ‘A’ even if Carrie weren’t donating 36 cents to Save the Children from every concert ticket sold on the fall leg of her tour. A

Annie Lennox: ”Universal Child” Disembodied from the band while trapped in London thanks to the Icelandic volcano, and yet still totally lovely and compelling. I will resist the urge to say something like, ”Annie, Dawg, you can sing the phone book!” A-

Mary J. Blige and her all-star band (Travis Barker, Orianthi, Randy Jackson, Steve Vai, and Ron Fair): ”Stairway to Heaven” I realize MJB is a polarizing live presence, and sometimes, in the on-stage exorcism, she tends to go off pitch. Not tonight, people! I could’ve watched a full hour of the eclectic jam session (even the Dawg on bass, for me for you), especially with the Queen of Hip-Hop Soul adroitly reinterpreting Led Zeppelin’s ubiquitous hit with unabashed drama and ferocity. Bonus points for choosing glittery boots and shoulder armor from the Adam Lambert Collection, and for MJB’s catlike freeze-and-pose move during the bridge. Hot! A

NEXT: Better luck next time, Jonah Hill and Russell Brand

Elton John: ”Your Song” And on the flip side of ”Stairway,” we have this simple, straightforward, piano-led rendition of Sir Elton’s anthem for a gujillion weddings. Still lovely after all these years, no? A-

Jonah Hill and Russell Brand: Extended Telethon Skit I’ll admit, I laughed at that line about ”the thin, pale boy from Twilight,” and at the sight of Brand hovering over Octomom and declaring one of her children to be especially ”jazzy,” but overall, this was a total waste of time that would’ve been better spent on musical performances from, oh, maybe Kris Allen? Or Fantasia Barrino? Or Jason Castro? Or Michael Johns (restitution for his awful mistreatment during season 7’s Idol Gives Back Week? Or [insert name of one of a dozen Idol alumni here]? I was particularly appalled at the gents pretending to confuse Tatiana del Toro for Clay Aiken (because what? out gay men are basically all drag queens?) and by the strained joke about Hill’s email address (viagraman82@gmail.com) that he imported from 1998. Add a wasted Jim Carrey cameo and general abuse of Slash and you get a…D

George Lopez: Judging the Judges: Are we still laughing about Simon Cowell nipple jokes, Ryan Seacrest height jokes, and Randy Jackson ”pitchy” references? Maybe. But only when they’re crisp and pointed and contain some kind of unexpected twist — all sadly absent from Lopez’s routine. I did chuckle at ”You’re the only brother on the show, so Randy Jackson you are safe.” And call me a twerp, but the Danny Gokey eyes punch line made me grin as well. C

Wanda Sykes on the inherent cruelty of Idol results sing-outs and exit packages: ”Let’s take a look back when you were happy and thought you were going somewhere!” ”Let’s remind America why they didn’t vote for you!” Uncomfortable in front of the five previously eliminated Idols and this week’s bottom three? Yeah. But if Didi Benami and Katie Stevens were howling with laughter, then you know Sykes got something right. B+

As a counterpoint to the music and comedy bits, IGB gave us gut-wrenching stories of poverty, disease, and occasional hope from both the U.S. and abroad. I almost couldn’t bear Annie Lennox’s report about a 7-year-old African girl with pneumonia and full-blown AIDS who weighed what a typical one-year-old should. Thank heavens there was a happy update — and adorable footage of this sweet pea delighting in a big pair of headphones.

Also totally heartwarming was David Cook’s video from a girls’ school in Ethiopia, particularly his connection with impossibly cute 7-year-old orphan Mekdes. Who else was left wanting more footage of them playing pattycake, of hearing Mekdes declare her desire to be a ”doctor!”, of listening to Cookie sing ”Heroes” while a band of tiny (and so adorable) swaybots gathered around him? The season 7 champ also made a brief appearance on stage with Ryan, looking very Thurston Howell (only hotter) in a smoking jacket and jaunty cravat. Still, if we’re dishing fashion here, I preferred the blue v-neck with navy collar he was rocking in Addis Ababa.

We also had Simon Cowell visiting mobile health unit in Arizona; Jennifer Garner looking at a literacy program in Breathitt County, West Virginia; Seacrest interviewing Bill and Melinda Gates; Randy Jackson and his ”good friend Morgan Freeman” dashing off to Mississippi (and meeting the world’s cutest fourth grader — reading at an eleventh-grade level!); and Ellen DeGeneres and David Arquette at a food bank in Monrovia, California, discussing how $10 can pay for 90 pounds of food. (!)

What did you think of tonight’s telecast? Which performances did you like the most? Which did you not like at all? What did you think of Tim’s elimination, and the fact that the show didn’t make time for his sing-out?