Galavant finale recap: Battle of the Three Armies / The One True King (to Unite Them All)

“The plot is gaining steam, so back to this old theme, here’s what’s been happening on Galavant.” Wow, I missed this theme song. Who knew the only recycled thing this season would be the theme song? Bringing their own humorous twist to the shock of a renewal, the Galavantwriters, lyricists, and composers crafted a second season full of snark, catchy tunes, and laugh-out-loud moments. And while everyone was obsessing over Grease: Live tonight, they missed a bang-up musical comedy finale worthy of the space between a Mel Brooks film and a Broadway stage. Timothy Omundson, in particular, deserves a standing ovation for his portrayal of a very very very funny man trying to find himself — who also happens to be a damn good singer and, given his plotlines this season, a damn good sport.

As the Jester steps up to give us a musical synopsis of the season — “So much to dump upon your doormat, in our half-hour sitcom format…. There’s plot holes we must fill, and though I doubt we will, I know we’re gonna try on Galavant” — the camera pans over a wasteland. From high in the medieval luxury skybox (they are royalty after all), we see three armies about to go to war. But first, a moment of levity with Chef and Gwynne! Madalena is having second thoughts, but as Wormwood sees someone carrying the sword of The One True King, he teaches her to Do the D’Dew and she goes full villainess. Meanwhile, Isabella and Gal, Richard and Gareth all reconnect on the battlefield and lock themselves up in the Hortensian palace courtyard. With the zombies/White Walkers storming the gates, Madalena strolls in to offer her love Gareth one last chance to escape before using D’Dew to sic the undead on the lot of them. “Looks like we’re all together again. How lovely. Our story lines have been far too separated,” she says, with the appropriate lip-curl of Galavant-ian self-deprecation. I’m sure we were all shocked to see the good guys continue to be good and the bad lady continue to be bad — and that it ended on a cliffhanger.

Best Song: “A Good Day to Die”

I couldn’t hear all the lyrics to the first iteration of this jaunty battle ditty, but the ones I caught were pretty funny as Sid, Galavant, and Isabella lead their respective troops into war. The reprise was the best part.

Let’s Get Lyrical:

“It’s a good day to die.

Oh please, this isn’t Game of Thrones,

We’re not going to die.

Let’s end this song and grow some stones.”

“Or will we leave all our viewers with pain and anger,

Just like we left them last year?

Could we just stop once again on a huge cliffhanger?”

FADES TO BLACK

MVP: Gareth

Employee of the Week: Jester (Although he’s not new, he does get a full song, and he’s quite funny. Probably because he’s the Jester.)

Quest Love:

“The recap song’s over; it’s time for war.” —Gareth

“Okay now’s your chance to be the dragon I know you can be. Breathe FIRE… Okay, I’ll check in with you later.” —Richard

Richard: Why do we need these? Are we not doing our own stunts?

Galavant: Of course we are! This is to prolong the dramatic reveal.

“Oh, God, it’s Galavant, with a weirdly large beard.” —Madalena

Chef: Here’s some potatoes for you babe

Gwynne: These have bugs. Yay! Extra protein.

“We were supposed to go ziplining. Who doesn’t like ziplining?” —Gareth

“Losers vacation. Closers use magic.” —Wormwood

Feeling warm fuzzies while watching the battlefield slap scene go down — lots of happy memories of How I Met Your Mother’s Slapsgiving.

Isabella: Still sort of yeasty!

Galavant: And a little bit musty, but we have a lifetime to work on it.

“Oh my God! I can do magic! Big day.” —Madalena

Wormwood and Madalena doing the Titanic pose as he teaches her how to perform evil D’Dew magic is the perfect response to all of the Leo/Kate love we’ve seen this awards season.

NEXT: Let’s say goodbye to Galavant

Aw, it’s a flashback to little chubby King Richard and his good buddy Gareth making his loyal preteen subjects worship at his sandcastles and realizations! Retroactive soul searching out of the way, Richard & Co. are thrilled when Sid comes to save the day with an army recruited from the Enchanted Forest — who march in on an “Off With His Shirt” reprise. “I’m kind of digging this beat,” says Madalena a few moments before she and Isabella fight it out. On the other side of the luxury skybox, Wormwood, stripped of his magic, finally reveals to Richard that he is the One True King. Madalena disappears to pursue evil (with Gareth and Sid off to rescue her from herself), Gal and Isabella get married with a “not yeasty, not musty” kiss, and Richard rescues Roberta from a trip to the isle of Spinster. I’m not quite sure if a season 3 renewal is in the cards, but I’ll let the Monks sum it up:

Our tale completely spun,

As buffed and polished as a royal jewel.

There’s not that much to tell,

And hey that’s just as well,

Unless we get one more surprise renewal.

Now we’ll probably have to go

And get work on some cheap-ass cable network.

But the door is not quite shut, so if we make the cut,

here’s what you’ll see on Galavant.

Best Song: “Will My Day Ever Come?”

Young Richard and Old Richard sweetly duet on this poppy ballad that could’ve walked straight out of a musical from the ’70s.

Let’s Get Lyrical:

“Do I ever become the hero

Will I wed the girl I love?

Am I going to get to touch her boobs?”

“Are we doomed to be completely lame?

Will my star ever rise?

Will my life ever change?

Am I destined to be achievement free forever?

I don’t need all my dreams to happen or a bunch or even some.

Will my day ever come?”

MVP of the whole season: King Richard (The One True King)

Quest love:

“Your king had a realization! Cheer his realization!” —Gareth

“What? I’m singing a duet with my inner child.” —Richard

Kid: Would you like me to write you a theme song, my king?

Young Gareth: Shut up, Menken.

(Please note this nod to the show’s composer Alan Menken, who also happens to have composed the music for every Disney show you have ever loved. And also Newsies.)

Sid: Then I wandered into the Enchanted Forest for a drink, not knowing it was a—

Isabella’s dad + Gareth: You knew.

Jester: He knew.

Sid: …I knew.

[Richard nods with a wink, and I laughed out loud.]

Richard: Is the pirate king with you?

Sid: We…couldn’t afford him. Or the leader of the Giants. Or the Jubilee. Or really anyone else recognizable.

“Someone’s daughter’s going to get a little whoop whoop tonight.” —Richard to Isabella’s parents

Madalena: Please stop. You already sang that one.

Wormwood: Sorry, it’s just ridiculously catchy.

Isabella: Remember me?

Madalena: Oh, don’t be so rhetorical.

“You know when you presume, you make a ‘pres’ out of you and me.” —Richard

Everyone’s reaction to Richard as the One True King are priceless:

“He was the one all along? You’ve gotta be [bleeped] kidding me?” —Madalena

“That’s the guy who cried when he got jelly on his fancy pants.” —Gareth, then Sid

How could you not giggle at Richard poking the stick in and out of the rock with the “wahhhh” sound?

“If memory serves, you said something about a wedding? Not that I need a wedding. I’m all about the deconstruction of the princess myth.” —Isabella

Galavant: Will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Gary Galavant?

Isabella: [pauses] Gary? Is that short for something? Huh. I guess I always thought your first name was Galavant.

“Now boarding B passengers only. B passengers to the island of Spinster. Here’s a cat and some chocolate. Enjoy the trip.”

“Please don’t get on that lonely ship to daydrink Chablis.” —Richard to Roberta

Madalena: What is that? Does it hold the dark secrets of the universe?”

Servant: Oh. No. I can see how you’d think that. He just thinks you need to accessorize. He’s also a fashion consultant.