'Gossip Girl' recap: A little bit goes a long way

‘Gossip Girl’ recap: A little bit goes a long way

Gossip Girl has had a lot of fun guest stars in its one-and-a-half-year run, but Wallace Shawn has gotta be my all-time fave. As my grandma used to tell me, usually after I had been teased for my short stature, “Good things come in small packages.” Mr. Shawn certainly is evidence of that. His double hug of Blair was geeeenius, as was Blair’s initial impression of Cyrus: “That must be his driver!” The incredibly talented Shawn also added a nice sheen of class to GG. But the entire plotline served Blair best (“I was expecting Cary Grant and I got Danny DeVito”). Leighton Meester is really developing a fine comic timing. Her reaction shots are high-larious. But poor Dorota — my favorite character was treated like crap. Still, I have to appreciate all of the airtime given to her.

But let’s get to the main event: Blair’s birthday outfit. That might be one of my favorite GG ensembles of all time. Stunning. Completely inappropriate for any other 18-year-old’s birthday party, but we don’t watch GG for reality. And how cool was it that Cyrus got Cyndi Lauper to show up at Blair’s b-day. My favorite line of the night, in fact, was Blair talking about her and her mother’s love of Cyndi: “Our first DVD was Vibes.” I totally forgot about Vibes! In case you haven’t been fortunate enough to watch this piece of 1988 cheese, TV Watchers, Vibes is a completely bizarre action comedy starring Lauper and Jeff Goldblum. I definitely watched it at least 50 times on HBO as a child. And yet I couldn’t really tell what the plot was. Anyways, thanks to whichever GG writer penned that line. It unlocked a forgotten film memory.

But back to the episode, I don’t really understand why Eleanor was so upset about Cyrus cheating on his first wife. And why is she just taking Blair’s word for it? Um hello, your daughter likes to manipulate! But everything ended up happily with Blair and Cyrus making up. (“I wanted a Harry Winston choker for my birthday. Instead I got a conscience.”) It was a little shocking that Eleanor and Cyrus decided to move in together! Is Eleanor secretly Britney Spears? She seems to have modeled her rapid dating life after the pop star. I wouldn’t be surprised if next week they had elope in Vegas. I’m still not sure how to feel about Cyrus being Aaron’s father. It sort of feels like a random twist that’s neither shocking nor important, but perhaps it will end up leading to something.

NEXT: Serena needs a self-esteem boost

Jenny is living with Agnes?! How does she have no friends other than this random model? Also, I thought Agnes was at least like 20 years old? And she’s still living at home with her mom? Clearly her modeling career isn’t as successful as we thought. And can we talk about the Vitamin Water placement?! Is this show taking place in a version of New York City that only serves Vitamin Water as a beverage? Also, what is with Agnes’ love of retro hats? The first time it was that god awful bowler hat. This time, it was a ’70s-style floppy number. It’s like she shops at a community theater costume department. I did love Agnes’ gold nail polish, which was noticeable as she covered her mouth in preparation for vomiting. I’m guessing after the dress bonfire, though, that we’ve seen the last of the young model and her charming nail polish. For the entire episode, Jenny was completely annoying. And how about her trying to blackmail her father into signing those consent forms? If I was Rufus, I would have made her agree to get a haircut and then maybe — and I stress maybe — I’d consider signing those papers. Also, was she supposedly sleeping in the gallery? How the hell did she get in there? Is she picking locks now? It’s like Jenny transformed into a Les Misérables street urchin overnight.

I do love that Rufus is now wearing Western/safari shirts, in lieu of simply Western gear. And I like seeing him try out some new Lincoln Hawk material. But allowing Jenny to move in with Agnes and her mother? Um no. I don’t believe this. Also, where the hell is Mama Humphrey during this crisis? I know she called Rufus, but can’t she afford a train ticket down from Hudson?

Is it me or can you practically smell Aaron through your television? He looks so stinky. And seeing him on the Jumbotron in Times Square did not help. It only emphasized his patchy beard and clearly self-cut hair. Also, Serena, there is nothing “romantic” about a trip to Times Square. That is, unless you find fanny packs and homeless-person urine an aphrodisiac. And the dude is clearly playing you. He’s hooking up with skanky models and dating you at the same time. I don’t care how chill or cool he comes off. Once again, dear Serena: You. Are. A. Catch. You’re rich and beautiful. You have insanely fab hair. And you wear inappropriately low-cut outfits (hi, Yale!). Shop around, lady. There’s no need to settle for this tall glass of dirty dishwater.

This darker, more devious Dan is a definite improvement. He’s finally showing some energy, or as Noah Shapiro so eloquently put it, “You just grew a pair, Humphrey.” I’m not sure I really believe that New York magazine would assign an exposé to a high school senior. And why wouldn’t Chuck tell his father about his hatred of Dan Humphrey? I know Bart hates his only son but it still seems like some info worth sharing. When Dan went and met his anonymous source for the article, I kinda felt like I was watching a scene out of a bad Afterschool Special; it very easily could have led to Dan being abducted into a van and sold into sweatshop labor. Alas, the young Humphrey opted not to publish the article and instead sent Bart his short story on Chuck. It brought about a bonding of sorts between the two Bass gentlemen. SPOILER ALERT: I think Bart is the GG character who is going to die. So, it kinda makes sense that they would have Bart and Chuck reconcile just in time for a big tragedy.

What did you think of last night’s Gossip Girl? Are Eleanor and Cyrus meant to be? Will Jenny ever go home?