Jane the Virgin recap: Michael is (sort of) back!

The final season of Jane the Virgin starts off with the Villanueva women celebrating the Día de los Muertos or the Day of the Dead. Young Jane huddles with her mother around her grandfather’s grave as Alba explains that the holiday honors those who have departed. The scene switches to Jane honoring Michael in the last four years that he has been dead and her telling Mateo that it’s important to remember loved ones and tell their stories to keep them alive.

This is a great tradition. Because I’d like to hear the story about how dead Michael is currently standing before Jane and Rafael. I understand that this is a telenovela, but we need details!

Here’s what we know: Michael goes by the name Jason now and he has an affinity for the word “ma’am.” He talks slowly and owns a pet dog. Oh, and he has amnesia.

To quote Jane, “Yeah, but you were dead. We buried you.”

Thank goodness Rafael is there with answers. Who could be behind a man coming back from the dead? Well, it’s Rose, of course. Villains gotta vill, even from jail, and Rose is the worst. She told Rafael that she orchestrated Michael’s death. She gave him drugs to slow down his heart rate, she paid EMT drivers to take him away and even bribed a pathologist to sign his death certificate.

So how did he get amnesia? With electroshock therapy. Duh. Rafael was able to collect Michael and a DNA test confirms that it is him and not an evil twin. We learn that four years ago, Michael woke up in a field in Montana with no memories. A lady was there and encouraged him to start over. She said he was in trouble, and since he didn’t know if he was good or bad, he listened. And got a dog named Bo.

Jane is quick to remind Michael that he was a really good person. Then Xo and Rogelio call to bask in the glory of Jane and Rafael’s engagement (that didn’t happen), and Rafael is forced to break the exciting (?) news that Michael is back and he goes by Jason now because he remembers nothing. Congratulations!

While Jane catches her breath, Petra loses hers. Remember how JR jumped in front of Petra to wrestle a gunman down, shooting him/her in the process? Who was the gunman and is that person dead? It’s Milos, Petra’s ex-husband, and no he is not dead. Just bleeding. JR points the gun in Milos’ direction as he begs Petra not to call the police. He finagled two-thirds of the Marbella shares from Luisa and he will turn them over in exchange for his freedom.

Petra hesitates, considering the offer, and JR loses it. She and Petra have an argument over what it means to be dishonest and when Petra finally decides to call the police, Milos is nowhere to be found.

The next day, Rogelio prepares himself to see Michael again. He warns Jane that there is a possibility that when Michael gazes his eyes upon his bestie, Michael’s memories may come flooding back because of their super close bond. He does not want Jane to be offended.

Father and daughter primp in front of the mirror. Rafael comes in, compliments Jane on how pretty she looks, and then tells her that he already explained to Mateo that their move was going to be delayed. Jane looks heartbroken. She forgot that they were supposed to be moving in together, just like they were supposed to be engaged.

The door rings and severs the moment. Michael comes in and recognizes no one. Not even Rogelio de la Vega. No matter how many accents Rogelio tries, Michael stares back blankly at this family and the cat he once loved.

Later, Michael’s mom comes by and is overjoyed that her son is alive! She invites Jane to come with her to the neurologist to see what can be done about Michael’s missing memories. Rafael whispers “good luck” to Jane and heads to his house to start packing. But first, he takes a call from his sister Luisa who is furious that Rose kidnapped Michael and gave him amnesia. She wants to find out Rose’s angle, but Rafael forbids her from seeing Rose.

Over at the doctor’s office, Michael sits like a boring bump on a log while the doctor confides that there’s nothing that can be done about Michael’s memories. All brains are different and it’s not an exact science. Super helpful, doctor. Thanks for nothing.

He diagnoses a good old fashioned walk down Memory Lane. And because Jane is Michael’s wife, she is charged with taking him around to familiar places that will hopefully jog his memories. They will start tomorrow. For now, Jane will lose it in a classic Jane Villanueva way.

Gina Rodriguez shines in a long soliloquy that lasts several minutes. She clicks through all of the random, crazy things that enter her mind. Is she still Michael’s wife? There’s not really anything official that talks about someone dead who comes back to life. Does she feel married? Not really. She buried Michael. Watching your husband’s casket drop down into the ground can make a girl feel not so much married anymore.

But wait, that’s not Michael. It’s Michael Jason. He looks like Michael, and smells like Michael, but has the emotional range of a teaspoon. It’s not her Michael. I mean she’s been circling “widow” on medical papers for four years. Is she single?

And what about Rafael? They were supposed to be engaged. Can you believe he went through the trouble to bring Michael Jason back? He started a new job so Jane could write from home and take care of their family. MATEO! What is she supposed to tell Mateo? Maybe she needs to join a support group. Is there one for husbands who came back from the dead?

My thoughts exactly, Jane. And someone give Gina Rodriguez an Emmy nomination. Thank you.

The next day, she takes Michael on his life story tour. It starts at the door where they first met and she thought he was a stripper. Nothing. Then they head to the food truck for a light snack. Nada. Then they stand in the employee break room at the Marbella and she remembers their first fight, which was followed by a sultry kiss. Not a thing.

Suddenly Petra comes blowing through and rejoices in seeing Michael’s reincarnated form. She moves in to hug him and he hugs her back. And when I say hugs, I mean HUGS. Then he has the audacity to ask Jane if he “ever had a thing” with Petra.

Excuse me? No sir. Stand down. YOU WILL NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH PETRA, JASON.

Sadly, I think we may be going in that direction. Petra finds Milos hiding in the girls’ giant stuffed bear and turns him into the police. JR comes to the suite to retrieve her stuff and Petra professes her love. JR doesn’t care and walks right out of Petra’s life. Leaving a nice love-shaped hole in Petra’s heart for someone to fill. Someone named Michael. Er, Jason.

You see, Michael and Jane are on the Ferris wheel, which is a sacred place for them, and he’s just not feeling it. In fact, he’s not feeling Jane. He’d rather walk down Memory Lane digitally. Jane agrees to give him pictures and videos so he can come to his own conclusions.

Jane is spent. She feels erased and finally cries huge tears as Alba and Xo comfort her. Thankfully, Michael comes back and apologizes. He appreciates her for trying to help and gives her an out: If she wants him to go back to Montana, he will. No questions asked.

Later that night, Xo drives to Rafael’s apartment to pick up Rogelio who has been helping Rafael pack all day. He’s also been sad about Michael’s amnesia and fell into the loving arms of Rafael for some TLC. While Rogelio goes down to the car, Xo asks Rafael how he’s feeling. The poor guy cries buckets of tears. He’s scared he’s going to lose Jane to the love of her life.

Is Michael the love of Jane’s life? According to the sweet montage, it would appear so. But in the end, Jane runs to Rafael to tell him that he is the one for her and she wants to move in with him immediately. They will not wait for things to calm down because let’s face it, things will never calm down. Rafael is elated and they share a passionate kiss.

Although she does pick Rafael, Jane continues to help Michael. They watch videos together, because he doesn’t know how to work a computer, and I will admit that there may have been a teeny tiny little spark. Meanwhile, Luisa calls Rafael and tells him that she is going to visit Rose. She has to know why Rose took Michael.

We still don’t know. What we do know is that a band of bad guys has gathered together after accepting an assignment from Rose. Who is broadcasting live from prison.

Now there’s a story I’d like to hear.

Related content:

• Jane the Virgin boss explains SPOILER’s shocking return
• The CW orders pilots for Jane the Virgin and Riverdale spin-offs
• Gina Rodriguez says Jane the Virgin spin-off pilot is ‘unbelievable’