'The Mindy Project' Recap: 'No More Mr. Noishe Guy'

San Francisco suits Mindy. “Somewhere in between the big red bridge and famous street train, San Francisco was starting to feel like home, and I was going to be sad to leave,” she opens. The city, however, doesn’t gel with Danny quite so much. (Cut to him throwing on a bike helmet and hiding under a desk for a relatively small earthquake. New Yorkers, am I right? I’m writing from Los Angeles.) But, he’s starting to come around.

He might, however, have to do a little more than that because Gurgler offers Mindy the opportunity of a lifetime: The chance to start a fertility clinic out in San Francisco! She has to let him know ASAP, or else they’ll lose the space for the clinic. The move to Stanford for the fellowship certainly presented its relationship challenges, but Mindy and Danny seem to be getting on. But, could the couple handle a full-on move? In typical Mindy fashion, she’s keeping it a secret, and Danny isn’t about to find out anytime soon. The drama will later unfold.

Back at the office, Peter and Jeremy get some big news of their own: Lauren is moving to Texas. Jeremy slumps around, saying Lauren broke up with him because things got too complicated. (I’m sorry, does anyone really care about Jeremy’s Lauren woes? He’s the one who hit on her, and subsequently dated her, when she was still with Peter.) Still, his sorrow leads Morgan to shame Peter. In the last episode, Morgan caught Peter and Lauren, who was still with Jeremy at the time, kissing. Peter doesn’t exactly feel guilty and adds that his feelings for Lauren don’t matter. Lauren is moving to Texas so he can’t be with her. Unless, of course, he’s there for the biggest paintball tournament, but then he’d be playing paintball the whole time, duh.

Mindy comes back to New York to tell Danny about Gurgler’s offer, but she’s in for a surprise. Danny bought a brownstone apartment for the two of them to live in. You’ll recall, Danny was very resistant to Mindy moving in earlier in the season, and she reminds him of that. He says the time and distance has made him realize he wants to be closer to her. (Very sweet, Danny, but, you know, it might behoove you to consult Mindy when investing in what will be shared real estate. Just a thought.)

Danny takes her inside the rough-around-the-edges brownstone, and yes, he is wearing a hard hat, reminding fans of his stripperdom, but Mindy’s thoughts are off with a certain man from AMC. “Wow, it’s like the brothel Don Draper was raised in,” Mindy says upon entering. Hey, if health care doesn’t work out, she could have a career in real estate. There are repairs to be made, and rats to exterminate, but the gesture is incredibly sweet, making Mindy’s news even harder to share. The tension continues to build.

Before the drama rama can ensue, Mindy drops by her old office. “Hey bitches, the bi-coastal babe is back! #itshappening.” (Yes, she actually exclaims “hashtag, it’s happening,” but she’s Mindy, so we forgive her.) In many ways, Mindy is unwelcome. Beverly confuses her with Malala Yousafzai, and Morgan turned her office into an exercise space. Still, Peter and Morgan will see her for a routine checkup. During, Morgan blurts out that he saw Peter and Lauren kissing. Peter elaborates, saying things are picking up again, which leads Mindy, who also told the boys of Gurgler’s business proposal, to give some sage advice: “Life doesn’t move in steps. It moves in huge leaps. That’s a line from Michelle Kwan’s autobiography.”

Kwan did just the trick. Peter runs after Lauren and delivers the line. (He noticeably does not attribute it to my all-time favorite ice skater, after Kim Yuna, of course.) He wants to follow her to Texas, and she’s not stopping him, so I guess that’s a yes. Two complaints: 1) I’m all for Lauren and Peter getting back together. They’re a much better fit than Lauren and Jeremy. That said, Lauren and Peter’s reunion feels pretty abrupt. I would have liked to have seen it play out a bit more, and 2) I guess this is how Adam Pally will leave the show, but I really, really don’t want him to go. Okay, rant over.

Peter heads back to the office to quit. He thanks Mindy for convincing him to follow his heart, and uproar ensues. Danny can’t believe she told Peter to leave the practice.

Mindy: “I can’t remember anything I said. It was a pap smear. I was focusing on not farting!”

Morgan: “Not that focused. You still farted.” (This line reads pretty juvenile, but trust me, the delivery was killer.)

Jeremy is outraged as well, and says if anything, he should be the one going to Texas. This is probably a good time to point out that earlier in the episode, Jeremy announced that he thought Boston was in Texas. Yeah, he’s probably not best to go.

Danny wasn’t about to let Jeremy usurp his rant. He makes some speech about how how people can’t keep dropping like flies. They all made a commitment to work at the practice, and they need to stick to it. This leads Mindy to tell Gurgler that she can’t go off and start a practice with him. Plot twist: Thinking Mindy would say yes to his proposal, Gurgler already quit his job. You can bet he’s not going to let the practice go that easy.

At Peter’s goodbye party, Peter tells Mindy that it’s okay for her to change her mind about what she wants in life. He advises her to tell Danny—he loves her. She gets the opportunity when Danny and Jeremy, who were noticeably missing from the shindig, show up, cutting Peter’s thank you speech, and thank you to Mindy, short. Soon, all is well with the men, that is until Gurgler shows up and announces that he, Mindy, and Danny are going to start a practice in San Francisco. He also quotes Kwan. (I wonder if she’s trending by now…)

Danny, naturally, is shell-shocked. He quietly tells her, “I just bought us a house,” and leaves. At the brownstone, Danny tells Peter that he thinks Mindy wants to get away from him. His retort: She’s obsessed with you, and has a mold of your penis as a keychain. (Love, isn’t is sweet?) Peter didn’t use all his wise words on Mindy. He tells Danny that home is where the person you love is, which is exactly why he’s moving to Texas.

Later, Mindy and Danny talk. She was going to apologize with her Mickey Mouse voice by way of sucking the helium out of balloons. I’m so sorry we missed out on that. She tells him that she’s afraid she’ll regret not taking the opportunity, and he says that he loves her, but he’s afraid that she wouldn’t love him if he changed too much in their move.

There’s no resolution, but there is a revelation, a BIG one. Readers, can you handle this? I don’t think y’all can handle this! (I can’t resist a good “Bootylicious” joke. Bey, how you tempt me.) You’ll recall Peter gave Mindy a checkup earlier in the episode. Well, he discovered something major: Mindy is pregnant. Pregnant?! Yes, pregnant. Everything is about to change.

Best Lines:

“Just because I look like Olivia Pope does not mean I know how to disappear a body.” —Mindy

“You have so many more gray hairs. When I first saw you, I thought you were Robert De Niro.” —Mindy to Danny

“It’s not my neighborhood, knucklehead. This is why Ma should be my Amazing Race partner.” —Danny to Mindy when she asks about where they’re driving

“Do you have a minute?” —Mindy

“I told you, I’m not getting an earring.” Danny

By the Numbers:

Rats spotted in Danny and Mindy’s new brownstone: 4

Times Beverly confuses Mindy for Malala Yousafzai: 2

Babies on the way: 1 (Well, probably more. They’re gynecologists! But, there’s one that we know of and really care about.)