Mistresses recap: Odd Couples

What a long time a week can feel like in between Mistresses viewings. Where were we? Oh yes, Trailer Park Marc (I guess I should retire this nickname now that he’s given up the trailer) and Scott are moving in with April and Lucy; Karen is making a selfless gesture and donating her special blood to Dr. Alec Adams’ beloved wife Vivian; Joss told Harry that they need to wait before they can be in love or something and her new pal, Calista, we left maybe hitting on Harry at the bar? Hmmm.

We open with Calista in bed—not with Harry, thank goodness—but with her cheater husband who we know is awful cause he is one of those sleep-on-your-back-snorers. She considers smothering him with a pillow but thinks better of it when his sleep apnea kicks in.

Lucy is still giving her mother plenty of pre-teen attitude but Marc is behaving like a full-on teenager. He’s sleeping through the morning routine of getting the kids to school and April informs him that she is not an alarm clock and that maybe he should get a job. He’s all, shrugs. Maybe I do like TP Marc!

Karen is in the hospital hearing Alec go on and on about the procedure she’s about to go through, which sounds actually very unpleasant. These two have that kind of contentious chemistry that makes me concerned they’ll have an affair, what with him totally talking down to her even though she’s a doctor. But he leaves and Karen is faced with the harsh reality that she’s alone in a hospital bed, she has nothing to read, and the TV is garbage. Where are all her pals?

Joss is at Calista’s mansion, bantering with Wilson, Calista’s officious assistant, and dressed for Soul Cycle. But—and you guys never will believe this—Calista’s super important runway show for a super important dude is in danger because her event planner didn’t secure the W. Hey, I know someone who can event plan! Joss offers to save the day and Calista gives her what I think is a very valuable Lean-In speech about not giving her services away for free. (Cheating husband walks by and checks out Joss’s ass, btw. Nice touch.)

So this is all going pretty well till Joss mentions she’s been texting with Harry. Calista, subtly, convinces Joss that it’s better to have no contact with Harry at all. This is all very suspicious don’t you think? And I really want to like Calista so I’m looking forward to the explanation on this one.

April is at her shop when a woman from Western Majestic Insurance enters (shouts to the writers’ room for that name!). So that whole thing where April got 200k dollars life insurance when Paul pretended to be dead? Yeah, she needs to pay that back in 30 days. Dun dun dun.

April and Joss fuss over Karen who is couch-bound, and April fills them in on the loan situation. Karen suggests that she hire a good lawyer and they all have a moment of Savi silence. Karen also offers a loan—she really is in a giving mood, isn’t she? April says no. Joss changes the subject and talks about how cool Calista is. She is excited for April and Karen to meet her.

Over at Harry’s restaurant, Ellis—wearing a ridiculous outfit—is kissing Harry’s ass some more. Not only do the investors think Harry is a genius but LA Magazine has named Harry one of LA’s top chefs. That hot bartender Neko lurks about.

Karen is really not feeling well and not looking all that hot. (Her kitchen, on the other hand, is looking fabulous). She throws a cup of coffee to the ground and calls for Joss but is clearly on her own. Knock at the door. It’s Alec Adams. Here’s my big surprise face.

April calls Toni. YOU GUYS, REMEMBER TONI? AKA Savi’s nemesis who slept with her boyfriend and I thought got fired? Dom recommended her. (RIP DOM. We’re clearly not seeing much of you this season.) April tells Toni she has no money to pay this loan back and Toni seems sincere that she wants to help.

Alec Adams checks Karen’s vitals and tells her he’d knew she’d feel worse the day after the procedure. Where are the people taking care of her? Why is she all alone in the world? She’s all, uh easy buddy, let’s not make it feel worse. He cancels all his appointments and appears to be setting up shop for the day at Karen’s.

Joss is whipping Calista’s event into place. I love Joss at work. Harry calls her in a panic about what to wear for his photo shoot. The two of them are being super nice and cute till Joss remembers Calista’s dumb advice and blows him right off.

April—already having a pretty crappy day—gets home to chaos. A woman who has a store devoted to making your home feel good can not feel great about finding Marc along with a huge mess and two barking dogs. Marc tells her he’s gotten work doing tasks at something called Busy Beaver (we have Task Rabbit in New York). April is all maybe I’ll call Harry to help you out. I love that the whole LA (Vancouver) world exists between five characters.

Harry meets with his fancy pants photographer and is a bit perplexed to learn that his wardrobe is—as Joss predicted—provided. The bad news is that he’s being asked to don star-spangled speedos. Also, what Ellis neglected to tell him is that this piece is actually the Top Ten Sexiest Chefs in LA. Oops.

NEXT: We learn why Calista was stalking Harry

Calista is so happy with Joss’s work and somehow lets it slip that she thought Harry’s accent is really sexy. The whole tale comes tumbling out: She went to go check him out for Joss and listen, she should thank her, cause he totally wants to bone that bartender. Joss is all hold up, crazy lady: You stalked Harry? Calista talks a lot of crazy, some of it involving Justin Timberlake. I’d like to take a moment to congratulate the wardrobe department. Calista is dressed so almost like a crazy bag lady, I believe she is a rich LA designer. Joss is all eat it, wacko. This is the correct response.

April gets a call. (Have you noticed that everyone has a weird ring tone on this show?) It’s Toni calling from a fancy lunch to tell April the “good news” that she got the insurance company to agree to half the money. April is all, um? Toni is like, this is the situation. Pay up. Toni, staying on brand.

Karen tells Alec she has a date that night and he’s like, girl, cancel, you look terrible. Karen asks how he landed Vivian. He was on a date with someone else. He waxes poetic about Vivian dancing—how she was dancing on air till she fell and he was able to get there by saying I am a doctor. He scooped her up. After he saw Vivian there were no other girls. I say this as someone who also likes to fall for unavailable men: you can just see Karen falling in love.

Back at the Calista event: Calista is checking her models who all have weird green eye makeup. One girl has her hair down which she wasn’t supposed to have. When Calista tells her this she snots back, “Men like women with their hair down, at least your husband does.” Daaaaaaaaamn. Calista fires her on the spot which, yes.

Poor Harry is panicking and pretty bartender Neko steps in to be a shoulder for Harry to freak out on. He doesn’t want to put the underwear on. Neko sexily purrs that she got this. Great.

April comes home to find Marc playing video games and that. Is. It. He also tells her he blew off his interview. Wunderbar. April has a huge freakout pity party for herself. She broke up with her boyfriend, she always puts other people first, and she’s right, of course, but she’s sort of taking this out on an innocent bystander. Also, I want to get April a better storyline.

Harry comes out for the photo shoot wearing not the undewear but his regular (hotter) chef outfit. Before the photographer and Ellis can freak out too hard, Neko comes out in a skimpy red bra and underwear and rubs all up against him and see, this is sexy, and the photographer starts taking photos as they vamp it up. Unfortunately Joss chooses this moment to see all this and ugh, I hate a Three’s Company misunderstanding. Joss runs out of there like wolves are chasing her.

Alec leaves after a long day at Karen’s and delivers the bad news. Turns out, they need to take even more stem cell stuff from Karen. He offers her his hand and she’s like, ohhhh, but he is just taking her pulse. FOR NOW. Joss walks in and is all, excuuuuuse me? Alec growls at her to be more considerate and leaves. Joss is like, men stink and I want a drink. Sing it sister!

But then Wilson calls her in a panic and tells her to get her ass back to the event. She shows up to save the day and Calista is locked in the bathroom on her second cocktail. She explains that she’s actually hurt and broken by her horrible husband and the fact that he is choosing girls to humiliate her on purpose. Not for nothing, Jennifer Esposito is really selling this and doing A+ work. She tells Joss she’s really Carla Rizotti from Queens and she still feels like the chubby, big nosed girl she once was. Joss tells her to pull it together—but they can’t find a model who just happens to be 6 feet tall and size 2. Wait, we know someone who is!

Cut to Joss stomping down the catwalk, loving it. Talk about an event planner who can go the distance!

Back at April’s, Marc comes home and and she instantly apologizes. He tells her some truths about his life: He’s three years sober which is why he didn’t want to work at a bar or restaurant. They are bonding! Marc has hidden depths and April sees it! Here we go…the beginning of something, I think….

Back at Karen’s, Joss nudges Karen about Dr Adams’ extra special attention. No flies on Joss. Before they can get into it there’s a knock at the door and it’s Calista. She has a very big check for Joss and wants to hire her full-time as her event planner. Joss is all ummmmm. “What the stalking thing with Harry made it weird?” Uh, yes. Calista tells her that she was feeling protective of Joss and was only trying to check up on her and make sure Harry was worth it. She takes back the whole hot bartender thing, explaining she was putting her own baggage on that. Joss is like, uh you were right though. Calista does a full 180 and tells her not to let anything get in her way if she wants to be with Harry. YAY. Calista is like, come on: What do you want? Go get Harry and don’t let anyone stand in your way.

Karen gets in her car after her shift and listens to a message—a very cute, almost flirty one from Dr. Adams. Uh-oh. Karen thinks about calling him back but doesn’t. Dr. Adams has a real thing for women with this rare blood type, huh?

April starts looking at her finances now that the reality has dawned on her that she really has to start paying back that money. She tells Marc the whole sordid story and that he helped her to face up to what was really going on. He hands her a check for household expenses and tells her he rescheduled his interview with Harry because he learned the same thing. Finally, harmony! But wait: There’s some clippity clops coming down the stairs and it’s Lucy dressed like she’s trying out for a part as a young hooker in Taxi Driver. April is all, this is going to be a problem, right? Uh, yes.

Harry is chilling out with a beer and a newspaper when there’s a knock at the door. It’s Joss, looking like she’s in heat in the greatest way ever. “I thought we weren’t talking,” says Harry. “We’re not,” says Joss and then straight up attacks him. I feel so good about this it’s almost like *I* just got to make out with Harry. Almost.

Till next week, my fellow Mistress watchers!