Mistresses recap: Unreliable Witness

Well. Here we are. We’re still stuck in this dreadful murder plot. Joss is a bad client and has now spun out so far she thinks Calista has been stalking her this whole time. Karen is, again, the reasonable one (always a bit unsettling), and will be helping Joss pay her legal bills if she can find a good lawyer. Hey, I have a question: Doesn’t Joss have an in with Dominick, you know, her almost brother-in-law? Hey, on that note: anyone else remember Savi?

Poor Marc wakes up after having broken his sobriety, an empty bottle of something that looks strong nearby. I think he’s lucky he’s woken up in the right house and in the right (dry) bed. April comes in and comments that his face looks like hot garbage. Marc is surly and prickly, as in-pain and panicky alcoholics tend to be, with a nice heaping measure of defensiveness on top. His mood is not helped by April chirping about her date with Blair later.

Calista is meeting with the cop who is rattling off all the women Luca has slept with. I love that whoever is playing this cop is seriously putting her back right into this role. Like, she is going for it in spectacular fashion. She tries to goad Calista by bringing up all the affairs but Calista is too wily for such tricks.

Harry can’t get the new himbo at his bar to learn how to make a tequila sunrise, so is shocked when the young thing is the one in the know that Calista’s husband has been murdered. Immediately we cut to Joss who ignores a call from Harry. She and Karen are meeting with a super smooth and handsome (and jeeze, am I old or does he look real young?) lawyer named David and Karen clearly likes the cut of his jib. He advises Joss that when she goes in to speak to the police, she go from suspect to star witness. He’s hired!

Eegads, we come back from commercial during post-coital afterglow with Blair and April. Everything is cute and great till April spies the picture of Blair with his dead wife looking at them from the wall. She feels weird. He explains she’s the first one he’s brought back to the house—though he’s quick to make clear, not the first woman he’s been with. Thanks for clarifying, Blair.

Calista comes home to, like, a Sound of Music greeting from the staff. Wilson even tells her to hydrate—now that is LA affection! Patty, her no-nonsense lawyer who is quickly becoming my favorite character, tells her to pull it together. She can’t talk to Joss (though Calista is quick to tell Patty she doesn’t think Joss did it), and she needs to start wearing black and make a stab at looking like she’s in mourning. Okay, it’s clear to me now that the little model, Eva, is the murderer. So show, how many more episodes will you be dragging this on?

Harry shows up at Karen’s house. Do you guys also feel the energy get kicked up a notch whenever Harry and Joss are onscreen together? Because, yes! But oh, no, Joss is not feeling Harry nor his cute/weird pronunciation of “Joss.” She visibly flinches when he tries to touch her, tells him she knows he slept with Niko, and huffs out the door. Harry tells Karen it was just a one night thing. Karen is all wise, and we’re all just supposed to ignore the fact that she just got out of a major relationship with a married couple? Where are those guys anyway?

Joss is answering questions with the police lady—still going for it—and gets taken on a weird tangent about Carlos the gardener, and whether or not she had access to the basement. David, hot lawyer wunderkind, doesn’t not care for the direction these questions are heading and puts a stop to the proceedings. Outside, Karen is having a maybe panic attack and David admits that something about those questions rubbed him the wrong way.

Marc comes home and hears the siren call of frozen vodka from the freezer. This is a sad and also realistic storyline and hard to make fun of.

Calita is planning the funeral—orchids over lilies, natch—and is inspired to send some to Joss.

Blair shows up at April’s shop and seems to be Mr. Perfect yet again. He’s brought a dozen roses and assures her that he’s moved the pictures out of the room and that he sees a real future with April. Sigh.

NEXT: Flowers… not always a favorite

Joss comes home and absolutely loses her mind when she sees Calista’s flowers and note telling her that she loves Joss and that they’ll get through this together. She confides to Karen that she feels abandoned by her sister (yes!) and that she can’t believe Savi would leave her hanging out to dry while she Eat-Pray-Loves it in Italy or wherever. Totally fair point.

Over at the Wunderbar, Marc shows up late and clearly drunk for his shift. Harry, who has worked in the restaurant business long enough to know a boozehound when he sees him, send him out the door.

We learn why David the hot lawyer was displeased at the police station. Joss inadvertently lied to the cops—her fingerprints were, in fact, on the basement doorknob since she let the video guy in downstairs. But now this makes her seem like a liar and this is bad news for our girl indeed.

Karen shows up at Calista’s and makes me like her so much all over again. She tells Calista to stay away from Joss, basically, and is a total badass hero though this may make Calista—a crazy person—spin out.

April talks to Lucy about Blair. Lucy tells her the truth: she does not care for Blair though she doesn’t elaborate on her reasons. This is a tough one: how much weight do you give your young daughter when it comes to dating? Still, I hope Blair shows his true colors later. I feel for Lucy when she later comes down the stairs to see her mom cuddling with the enemy, her own concerns unheeded.

Harry comes home from work to find a very drunk and sad Marc. He lets Marc have it: not only did he show up late and drunk to work, he told April about Harry sleeping with Joss. Hard to say which he is more upset about. Marc come cleans with Harry: he’d been sober for the past three years. Harry feels awful and tells him to go ahead and sleep it off at his place.

In the morning, Harry gives a delicious-looking sandwich to Marc. Aw, he’s a natural caretaker. He really seems to want to help and has some experience with his father when it comes to alcoholics. He asks the most important question: Is this the beginning of the slide or the end? Harry (and the writing staff) certainly do get it! Harry also tells him to call his sponsor and that he’ll hire him back but not behind the bar. Later we see Marc heading to AA so, that’s good. Come on, Marc! I’m pulling for you!

Joss does some sleuthing (as if this storyline couldn’t get worse) and finds a nice old lady with terrific hair who knows some stuff about Calista’s origin story identity, Carla. Turns out Carla had a husband who killed himself with a gun, even though his mother was convinced he was terrifically happy. She thinks Calista is behind it. Joss looks like she just discovered she is Sherlock Holmes. When she tells her cute lawyer, he’s all, didn’t I ask you to pipe down? He still thinks this could be helpful.

Karen goes to talk to that nice priest about all her problems. She thinks her panic attack and feeling sick is some sort of PTSD back from that time in season one when she was involved in a murder. The priest gives her some very good advice, including going to a doctor and trying to find some Xanex. But when Karen arrives at the doctor’s she realizes the pregnancy test isn’t a bad idea either. Dun dun DUN.

Patty the lawyer tells Calista the cops are now looking into Justin’s death. Calista can’t believe Joss would do this to her, while Patty smiles in a sort of I-told-you-so-way. Calista is so enraged she shows up at Karen’s and confronts Joss. She’s basically like, you are so screwed now, and leaves.

She heads to the police station where she spins a Single White Female tale to convince them that maybe Joss would kill Luca just because she’s obsessed with Calista. Arugh! And you know what? It works, as we leave our girls this week with Joss in handcuffs, arrested for Luca’s murder. Harry, come save her and this show!