Mistresses recap: Blurred Lines

I’ve got to be honest: I have no idea where this show is going at this point. When I think it’s going to zig, it zags! Once I finally accept the delightful Jerry O’Connell as a manny named Robert who shows up on Shagger, he goes and gets a hasty wrap-up. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

This week the show seems to be saying, “Oh, yeah, we’re supposed to show everyone having sex a lot, aren’t we?” So we get a nice opening montage of all our main “mistresses” getting busy. Hey, it’s summertime! Why not.

Joss: We see Joss in a steamy shower soaping up her many bruises when “dirty Harry” — their joke not mine! — decides to join her. One of you guys mentioned in the comments section that Joss’s bruises continue to sort of move around. This is hilarious and, I hope, true. But I’m guessing we’re supposed to believe Joss is just covered everywhere in bruises! It luckily does not slow her down any in the shower with Harry.

What is vexing her this week, however, is that she apparently lost some big client who was super duper close to being the next Rachel Zoe! And Gawker wrote an item about it and she’s worried her career is going to be in trouble. (Uhhhhh, this seems unlikely but let’s not start splitting hairs now.) Her solution? Head to a premiere and accost a new up-and-comer, Stacy North, who seems like a nightmare. Joss stops her on the carpet and pitches her services, giving a little dig to this young girl’s current representative. Unfortunately he swoops in to remind Stacy that Joss’ last client is in jail and etc etc and he basically just destroys her.

But Joss is determined and, with the help of her assistant, is able to sneak a look at this dude’s phone when they’re both together at a music festival. Does no one have password protection? Come on. She found damaging texts written by this guy about Stacy, which Joss leaks to Gawker and which ruins this guy’s life so… I’m not sure what to think about this. Anyway, she also manages to talk real talk to Stacy about how strong her passion is for Stacy’s music, proving it by remember details I apparently didn’t find important to write down. But there you have it. Will this kind of cold-hearted snake be her path to success? Time will tell.

She’s still a real wreck though. She gets invited to an impact class that seems to be a kind of de facto support group for women who have suffered through violence and tragedy. And as Joss starts to share, it sure sounds like there’s more to her night of terror than we’ve heard. Stay tuned.

Karen: Karen seems to enjoy getting her groove back both in the bedroom and in the office. Her and the ex-manny are apparently having really great sex a lot, but he’s beginning to get clingy about how devoted she is to her job. She has a couple who are having some sex problems, specifically that the lady has never once had an orgasm. Karen is intrigued and enjoying trying to help, giving them intimacy workshops and the like. Frankly, this story line was a little irritating — especially the conclusion of it, which was discovering that the way they were able to “connect” (if you know what I mean and I think you do) was by role playing and dressing up as superheroes. Hard pass.

She toys with the idea of pumping the breaks a bit on clients and concentrating on her budding relationship and Joss sets her straight: You can scale back for your baby or for a book but not because of a dude. Karen listens and tells Robert it’s over. They have a sweet goodbye and he even found her a replacement nanny that he feels is worthy. (If you are looking for a Jerry O’Connell fix, however, you can go here.)

NEXT: April starts to rethink things

April: Hoo boy, this April story line is troubling. So, she’s all excited about her foray into interior design. She’s also pretty into negging Marc every chance she can get. He excitedly tells her he and the band got into this festival and she’s all eye-rolling about how they had to pay an entrance fee.

Meanwhile, she learns that when you have clients you get to hear things like, “she doesn’t like yellow… or animals,” which is what Michael informs her about his wife. Marc is getting a little jealous of Michael and how much space he’s occupying in April’s brain, which April totally blows off. Until, of course, Michael meets her at the store at night — just when she’s supposed to be at Marc’s show! — with a bottle of wine and a sad tale about how we’ll never see what “Teresa” looks like cause she wants a divorce. He also wants to make out with April, which horrifies her (but not the audience because we could see this coming from a mile away).

She goes to Marc’s show and is shocked that when he is up onstage with a hot chick flirting with him that he becomes very attractive!

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Marc: Congratulations to Marc, who gets his own B-plot this week. So, it turns out that their singer dropped out and the only decent singer in town is this super hot chick named Sophia, who also, it turns out, used to date Marc. What a small world! Marc is uncertain till Sophia comes to his house and tells him to give her just one shot. They’re great together at the show, of course, and the chemistry between them is undeniable. Still, I’m guessing this is not the end of this story line.

Also, in the midst of all this, is our new gal pal Kate acting like a complete lunatic, even with her nice older brother trying to help her out. She’ll be working in April’s store and whatever you do, don’t say the name Brian in front of her. Zzzzz.

Best lines:

“Is now really the time to be suggesting antiquated sexual traditions of female subjugation?” —Joss, when Harry suggests she take the last name Davis

“I guess the giraffe wallpaper is out of the questions.” —April, which… yes

“Does that mean I actually have to learn his name and stop calling him Hot Manny? Cause that’s a pain.” —Joss, feeling my pain

“A mistake is leaving the water running when you’re brushing your teeth in the middle of a drought.” —Marc, to his ex-girlfriend (I thought about this line the most.)

“If I knew her back in the day, that one time I was a lesbian…” —Joss, as usual winning the night by reminding us all of that time when she was a lesbian. Salad days.