Orange Is the New Black recap: (Don't) Say Anything

A new love is blooming in Litchfield, along with an exciting new job opportunity. But of course, it’s never all smiles in prison — a new threat is also arising for Piper, and Alex may have to get her hands bloody yet again. But before we get into all that drama, one of Litchfield’s most likable inmates is getting some of the recognition that she deserves.

In the middle of mopping the floors with Morello and Suzanne, Taystee gets called to Caputo’s office. At the suggestion of his boss at MCC, Caputo hires her as his assistant, which basically entails sitting at a desk outside his office, answering phone calls, and just generally following him around and taking notes. But while Taystee is getting hired, Yoga Jones and Anita are calling it quits with Piper’s panty business, saying that they can sense her uneasiness due to the fact that she sold out Stella and hired a bodyguard.

Piper’s business isn’t the only thing coming a bit unhinged. Elsewhere in the yard, Lolly sees Healy showing Judy King around the garden and starts freaking out to Alex, paranoid that they’ll find the hitman’s body buried there. Alex gives Lolly a mantra to recite in order to help her relax, and although she has trouble remembering it, it does seem to calm her down a little. Also upset to see Judy in the garden is Red, who seethes at the new celebrity inmate after she takes some of her crops.

Finally, we move to the episode’s central relationship: Poussey and Soso, who are giggling and shooting hoops until Big Boo comes over to take over the court. Boo refers to them as lesbians, but Poussey quickly corrects her, saying that Soso isn’t a lesbian; “I’m attracted to people,” Soso responds. But as they walk away, Soso tells Poussey that although she doesn’t like labels, she’d be fine if they wanted to call one another girlfriends. Adorably, Poussey responds, “How about we say we’re happy and leave it at that?”

This leads into our backstory du jour. This time we see flashbacks of Brook Soso’s life before Litchfield; she’s training to get signatures on a petition to stop the construction of a planned neighborhood Walmart. During the training session, her acerbic ex-boyfriend, who also happens to be a fellow volunteer, makes a bet with her that she can’t get a registered sex offender who lives nearby to sign the petition. Soso takes the bet, and when she goes to meet the man, she learns that he’s actually a nice guy who’s only on the list of sex offenders because he was caught having sex on a public beach.

NEXT: Caputo gets a reality check​

Piscatella is updating Caputo on the progress in building housing for the incoming veteran C.O.s. Unsurprisingly, the irritable guard isn’t happy to see Taystee happily jotting down some notes, and goes off on her when she tries to explain her new job. Caputo rescues her, and then tells Piscatella why he chose her to be his assistant: “She’s the only semi-intelligent one that I’m only semi-attracted to.” Ugh, Caputo… and just when you were starting to seem like on okay dude…

Building houses is one thing, but building a marriage is another one. Since Morello can’t be with her new husband, Vinny, physically, the two of them have become reliant on phone sex, but their latest session isn’t as hot as expected. As it turns out, Vinny lives with his parents and younger brother, which he tells Morello.

But things are heating up for Caputo! The warden mistakenly assumes that he got a call Linda from MCC (the finance woman in the last episode who helped Caputo come up with the idea to hire veterans as C.O.s) because Taystee has been unable to figure out the phone system or get the names of callers. Caputo calls Linda up, and she suggests they go out for dinner that night. At dinner, Caputo’s mood is brought down by seeing his former guard Donaldson working as a busboy, but Linda tries to assure him that he shouldn’t feel upset, because Donaldson walked out on him during a prison break. When Donaldson confronts Caputo, telling him that he now works three jobs and that former C.O. O’Neill is on dialysis, the warden is initially apologetic, but then is emboldened by Linda’s words to fire back at Donaldson for walking out.

And there’s another face-off going on within Litchfield as well. Maria, who now seems to be in charge of the Dominican inmates after the last episode, brings a group to Piper’s bunk and tells her that they want to join her panty business. Piper doesn’t take it well and pulls Maria aside to tell her no. (This is probably going to turn out to be a bad idea…) In a controlled rage, Maria threatens that “somebody” might take Piper down soon.

Things are a lot more cordial between Soso and Judy King. Knowing how much Poussey idolizes King, and how she suddenly can’t speak clearly whenever she sees her, Soso approaches King to ask if she’ll eat lunch with Poussey, telling her that Poussey babbles around King because she was raised by a drug-addled, lower class mother and isn’t used to seeing affluent white women. King agrees and calls Poussey over to her table at lunch. King is surprised to hear about Poussey’s life traveling the world and speaking three languages, and she blurts out “How does the child of a crack whore know three languages? That is remarkable!” Poussey is obviously taken aback at the false assumption about her upbringing. And when King reveals that’s what Soso told her, it, of course, leads to Poussey voicing her anger and hurt at Soso for the assumptions she made.

NEXT: Romance is in the air​

Poussey and Soso may be on rocky ground, but Morello and Vinny are closer than ever during visitation. It turns out the whole living with his parents thing is a non-issue for Morello, and she quickly changes the topic to some role-playing. Soon, the married couple are moaning in pleasure while verbalizing a nonexistent sexual act in the middle of the visitation room. And in another moment of ecstasy (for Red, at least), the Russian chef gets back at Judy King by tainting her food with some sort of laxative.

In the final scene of Soso’s flashback, we see her lying to her ex-boyfriend by saying that she got the sex offender’s signature after having to endure him creepily seducing her, and saying that he was a child molester and rapist. Though Soso may have lied in the past, she’s ready to be completely honest with Poussey to try to win her back. Inspired by Say Anything, Soso holds up a small radio in the hallway and tells Poussey that she really likes her and wants to learn all about her so that she won’t make harmful assumptions again, and Poussey agrees to take her back.

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But of course, the heartwarming, romantic moment needs to be undercut by something foreboding. Or actually, two foreboding things. First, Piper notices a Dominican inmate pocket some of the fabric from the sewing room, which suggests that Maria might be starting a rival panty business. But even more dire, Lolly’s paranoia reaches an all-time high when she sees a drone hovering over the yard, and she immediately runs toward the buried hitman’s body with a shovel. Thankfully, Alex and Frieda are around to stop her from unearthing their criminal secret, but Frieda’s solution for Lolly isn’t as peaceful as the mantra Alex tried to help her with. “We’re going to have to kill her,” the old woman says matter-of-factly.