Shameless recap: 'The Fugees'

Through eight seasons, Frank Gallagher has done too many horrid and deplorable things for me to even list. And somehow, he might have topped them all in “The Fugees” by punching a little girl straight in the face, knocking her out. What was my reaction? I died of laughter. Does that make me a bad person? No, it makes me a Shameless fan.

Pre-punch, Frank’s booming business is dealt its own blow when he gets lost in the Canadian woods, only to wind up, along with his refuge-seeking customers, forced to flee from a pair of mounties, who are able to catch the bickering duo of Frank and Rami. The two are handcuffed together and transported to jail. Frank’s attempts to bribe the mounties with money for Tim Hortons is unsuccessful, but luckily, the car crashes, leaving the mounties unconscious. This “gift from Allah” came in the hilarious form of a moose. Frank and Rami’s escape isn’t flawless though, as the men can’t agree on whether to run to or away from the U.S. border.

Back in Chicago, it’s a very romantic morning at the Gallagher house. Ian and Trevor spent the night together, which has Ian happy they’re a “thing again,” despite Trevor saying “the jury’s still out.” Meanwhile, down the hall, Lip and Eddie are engaging in some more rough sex. “You’re getting tougher, Gallagher,” she tells him. “You didn’t cry once.” It doesn’t seem to just be about sex anymore, as he asks if she wants to grab breakfast and she shares some details about her personal life.

The two eldest Gallagher boys might not be in a committed relationship, but they’re younger brother is, as Kassidi has basically moved in. And with Carl getting ready to head back to military school, she’s currently making an X-rated video scrapbook for him. “Everybody’s boning somebody but me?” asks Fiona, to which Liam responds, “Does a hickey count?” This doesn’t make her feel any better, and she adds that they better all be using protection since it’s already crowded enough.

Breakfast next door is being served with a side of dominance. After having mastered his dominant ways with V, Kev is prepping to take on Svetlana. “Dominance is in my DNA,” he proclaims. “It was hibernating inside of me, like a baby bear. But now, I’m woke, grown and grizzly.” He’s going to lay down the law by ordering Svetlana to wear a uniform and call him either “sir” or “Sir Ball.” His training worked well, as he easily takes back control of the bar from his feisty former throuple member. “Dominance,” declares Kevin. “Boom.”

Former NBA player and current ESPN broadcaster Jalen Rose often says, “Give the people what they want.” Well, apparently, what the people need is Ian Gallagher. His viral schooling of the gay conversion pastor has caught the attention of some local religious leaders, who support his message. “Why should we stop anybody from being exactly who God created us to be?,” Ian later says during a group session at the Youth Center. “We are living examples of God’s creation, Jesus’ love.” It’s clear that Ian feels good about the difference he’s making and it’s very clear that Trevor’s digging it too. They hook up in the office after Ian offers to be Trevor’s “motherf—ing defender.”

Carl may be headed back to military school, but Kassidi is trying to find ways to still see him and his “little soldier,” because she’s worried about the “military slut groupies.” They stop by the Alibi, where Carl seeks advice from Sir Ball, who suggests he make a romantic gesture (i.e., Kev once shaved his pubs into a V). Speaking of V, she chimes in to make sure Kassidi doesn’t get in the way of the progress Carl has made since enrolling in school. This causes Kassidi to storm out just as one of Svetlana’s former massage parlor girls strolls in. She’s gotten married to a rich man and has come to both reimburse and rub it in the face of Svetlana, who she says is now the “ugly bottom feeder.”

We go from the bar to the diner, so both we and Lip can get an update on Youens’ case (here’s the update: He’s still screwed). Lip’s meeting with his professor’s lawyer is interrupted by Charlie, who wants to thank him for not telling Sierra about how he knocked up another girl. Despite wanting to stay out of it, Lip can’t help but feel like he should tell her, so he seeks guidance from his big sister, comparing his situation to when Frank told Fiona about Sean’s drug use. She tells Lip that he shouldn’t say anything and then asks him if she should consider moving into her building’s empty apartment. “At least you know you won’t get evicted,” he cracks.

In desperate need of money, Debbie has started watching a dog named Toto, who seems to have a penchant for sniffing out drugs. This ability is immediately very handy considering Debbie has to come up with some quick cash to pay for her welding class. “I need this welding certificate so I can get a good job and make real money to make [Franny] proud of me,” she reveals to a school employee, “so I can stop feeling like I messed up my life by having her, because she makes my life better.” With her sex buddy Duran willing to move the product, Debbie takes Toto on the hunt for more drugs, and when he gives the signal, she uses her welding skills to break into cars and steal the product (at least she doesn’t have to worry about the owners calling the cops).

Frank and Rami are still on the run when they sneak into an unlocked cabin. (“It’s Canada, nobody locks their doors.”) After breaking free of the handcuffs that attached them, they notice a horse in the cabin and prepare to ride off on it when a little girl catches them. Frank’s verbal attempts to keep her quiet don’t work as she begins screaming, so he “accidentally” punches her in the face. “You’re so tiny,” he remarks as she lays on the ground. He and Rami then try to ride the horse, only to fall off, which leaves Rami injured. Because of that, they set up camp for the night, with Frank volunteering to take the first watch. How nice of him, right? Well, he did it so he could steal money from Rami’s wallet and head back to the U.S — although he didn’t go full “old Frank,” as he leaves one bill for his traveling partner. (Recap continues on next page)

Fiona has hired some guys to work on her building’s roof, while Ford’s doing her floors. The sexual chemistry is simmering between these two. “Touch it,” he tells her. “The wood…the floor.” My god, what an amazing collection of double entendres in this scene. He invites her to go bowling with his very diverse and bilingual group of friends, which includes a few of his former lovers. The awkward night gets interrupted by Fiona receiving a call that one of the roof workers is in the hospital due to a fall. Fiona goes to check on him and Ford decides to join her. He’s impressed by her compassion with the injured man’s wife. “I’m not some messy, complicated chick who’s stuck in a house with a crazy family,” she barks at Ford. “I’ve got goals and plans. And I’m an amazing f—ing catch.” Mic drop.

Ever since her unexpected visitor, Svetlana has been on her computer, which has Kevin and V suspicious. “She’s gonna kill us,” suspects V. Kevin declares it “domination time” and orders Svetlana to show them what she’s looking at. After first refusing, she reveals that she’s been researching the rich guy who married her former employee. “She gets to have American dream, live life of beauty and privilege, while I sit here and get s— on by two ex-lovers who still treat me like a prostitute slave, who make me wear a vampire blouse just to strip me of the last bit of dignity that I still have,” rants Svetlana, before angrily walking away (great work from Isidora Goreshter).

In a rare scene featuring no Gallaghers, Charlie and Sierra are sitting down for dinner when he gets a text that sends him rushing off (that baby is definitely on the way). Meanwhile, Lip’s working on his bike at the shop and asks Eddie if she could help him “release a little stress.” They quickly send Eddie’s niece to the back office so they can hook up, but they can’t even get their clothes fully off when a crying Sierra walks in. She realizes what’s going on and turns to leave, with Lip chasing after her.

When he next returns to the shop, Lip apologizes to Eddie, who says everything is “chill.” Eddie’s niece suggests otherwise. This romantic quadruple only gets more complicated when Charlie shows up. He begs Lip to help him win Sierra back, saying he doesn’t want to be a junkie again. C’mon, that’s not fair; how can Lip turn him down now?

Stumbling out of the woods, Frank realizes he’s in a Costco parking lot, which means he’s back in the states. “I’m home,” he exclaims on his knees. “Overweight, minimum wage workers buying discount laundry detergent, I have missed you so much. God bless America!” That enthusiasm won’t hold up when he returns to the Alibi and gets a rude welcome from the patrons upset that he doesn’t have their meds or money.

Another “gaycorcism” is going down, so Ian has rounded up the troops. Once they get kicked out of the church, they stand outside and scream some interesting chants. The priest is pissed, and his anger soon leads to him having a heart attack. Ian’s training immediately kicks in as he gives the man CPR and mouth-to-mouth, which helps revive the priest. “Thank God,” sarcastically declares Ian. Also, this was all captured on camera, so yeah, our boy is about to be an even bigger star.

Being the good guy that he is, Lip stops by Sierra’s place and gives his pitch for why she should take Charlie back. “You’re not the kind of girl that someone wants to lose,” he says. This has the opposite effect of what he intended (or does it?). They begin kissing and surely more, since later, we pick up with Lip laying next to a sleeping Sierra. He tries to sneak out, but she wakes up. “I’m sorry, I want to stay and be here with you, but I should go,” he admits. Instead of going home, he heads to the shop, where he works on his bike.

Fiona’s rant that she’s “amazing f—ing catch” clearly had an impact on Ford. As he refurbishes a cello (what a Renaissance man), she comes to apologize for earlier. No apology necessary, though, because he admits that she’s “pretty damn intriguing.” The PDA-filled episode continues as the two share a long kiss.

And then the lip action shifts across town. After staying up all night arguing with Kassidi, Carl’s determined to not let go of his relationship like everyone else in his family (they’re offended, but they get it), so he takes Kevin’s advice and buys her a ring that once belonged to a local pimp. He shows his romantic side by bringing a blindfolded Kassidi into his candlelit room, where he begins to handcuff her. “I wanted to rekindle the first time we fell in love,” he confesses. When Carl reveals the ring, Kassidi screams, “Yes, I’ll marry you. F—ing hell yes!” She hugs a shocked and confused Carl. That will teach him not to buy a pimp’s ring — it’s just too damn flashy to only be a promise ring!

The most shameless character of the week: Frank. It’s good to see our old mischievous friend back, even if he did show a slightly softer side by leaving a few bucks for Rami.

What do you think? Are you digging Fiona and Ford’s blossoming romance? Who should Lip pick?