The Shameless shameless rankings: Frank puts the dirty in dirty politics

Nine years in, how could Shameless find a way to get even more dirty, conniving, and, well, shameless? Five words: Frank gets involved in politics.

After a solid and STD-filled season premiere, the Gallaghers and company continued their summer by getting kicked out of school, stealing wallets, telling a child that she doesn’t exist anymore, and playing the political game, which all adds up to the perfect recipe for the Shameless shameless rankings!

So grab a beer, bail your sibling out of prison, and find out how shameless your favorite Gallagher was this week.

1. Kev and V

I’m not a parent, but I can sympathize with wanting to provide your children with the best child care possible. That being said, leaving your daughters with an 11-year-old stranger and making your twin daughters pretend to be the same person because there is only one slot left at a religious daycare doesn’t seem like good parenting. It’s especially troubling to tell one of the twins that she doesn’t exist anymore. I see you, Gemma, I see you.

2. Frank

Now (hopefully) STD-free, Frank is on the hunt for some quick cash and a fellow bar patron has a recommendation, which thankfully doesn’t involve “blowies” because Frank doesn’t do that anymore. Instead, he gets paid by a political campaign to take down their competitor’s signs. But when they refuse to hire him for more work, he goes to their rival and offers to put the signs back. With both campaigns preferring minority workers (his Frank Rodriguez alias doesn’t really stick), Frank preaches to his fellow bar patrons that they are experiencing “reverse racism.” He gives one of his classic Alibi speeches, rallying the troops and convincing them that they need their own candidate. He even passes along a contribution pot (which he surely pockets) for former Congressman Mo White (Dan Lauria). “Let’s make Chicago white again,” Frank declares. The shameless possibilities in this plot are endless — and I love it.

3. Xan

The newest member of the Gallagher household quickly proves that she can Gallagher with the best of them when she steals a lady’s wallet and upon being busted, runs away, leaving the Ball twins behind. Xan, we don’t know each other very well, but I just need to tell you that you better not break poor, sweet Lip’s heart.

4. Liam

Just before he’s about to be kicked out of his cushy private school, Liam is asked if he knows what it means to pay for the sins of the father. Excuse me Ms. Headmaster, but I think the Gallaghers know that better than anyone. With Frank’s sexual activities leading to his son’s expulsion, the youngest Gallagher is now roaming the streets. And to be clear, roaming the streets with his sister and assisting her with business deals as he tries to find his next private school (he’s too soft for public school now). I ordinarily don’t support lying and dropping out of elementary school, but Fiona might need to hire him full-time.

5. Ian

Only a Gallagher would want to stay in prison. Much to his dismay, Ian is released from prison as he’s in the process of marrying multiple gay couples. He isn’t quite prepared for the life that awaits him on the outside, which includes a devoted fan base and an entire Gay Jesus enterprise. How does he handle this new reality? By escaping through a bathroom window. So now we know the answer to WWGJD.

6. Carl

This one was tough. Because on one hand, Carl is the worst possible volunteer. He doesn’t really have any skills besides drug dealing and knife work, and he’s only doing it to improve his West Point application. On the other hand, he can’t stand the idea of euthanizing dogs, so he smuggles them home to let them die of natural causes. If that isn’t West Point material, then I don’t know what is.

7. Fiona

Boss mode! With some cash burning a hole in her pocket and a delinquent genius by her side, Fiona is looking to make big moves and refusing to take no for an answer. After being blown off by a pompous real estate guy, she confronts him and forces her way into a deal for a retirement home being built in the neighborhood. “A Gallagher finally made it off first base,” she declares as she and Liam celebrate with a drink. I don’t know, it seems like Lip gets past first base pretty often.

8. Lip

Speaking of Lip, is he even capable of being shameless anymore? Yes, last week he had sex in a closet with a drunk maid of honor, but in the world of Shameless was that even very shameless? This week, he spends his time debating whether to sponsor a fellow alcoholic and chasing after Xan. And what does he do in the end? He takes the guy under his wing and goes dumpster diving so he can return the stolen wallet. That doesn’t sound like a Gallagher to me.

9. Debbie

There’s nothing shameless about taking a stand for equal pay and gender equality. The only thing shameless about this storyline is them thinking we would be surprised when the clearly a woman construction worker was revealed to be… a woman.