The Bachelorette recap: The Blindside

Ahoy, rose lovers! Welcome to “the television event of the summer”! And no, I’m not talking about Broadchurch — but only because that starts next week. I’m talking instead about part one of the final leg of Desiree’s “journey,” which brings us to the island of Antigua, a.k.a. the perfect place to both fall in love and shoot a music video.

As Des sails into harbor on the S.S. Time-Filling Flashback, she can’t help but reflect on all the “rough times” (Brian, Bryden, James) and “tough goodbyes” (Brandon, Michael, JUAN PABLO, Zak) she had to endure in order to make it all the way here. At the very least, though, she’s wound up with three totally acceptable men: Chris, who has “masculine qualities,” “awkwardness,” and “boyish charm”; Drew, who is “romantic” and “passionate,” and whose looks are “off the chart”; and finally, Brooks, who is “set apart” from the other guys because when Des looks at him, she sees “my future.” (Okay, so why are we going through this two-part finale again?)

But go through it we are, rose lovers, and first up is Drew, who meets Des at a sugar plantation called Betty’s Hope. (Because he’s so sweet — get it? Awwww.) They hit the road in a rented jeep, stopping occasionally to smooch, take selfies, and buy tchotchkes. (“We’re going to keep these forever!” declares Drew, who is not at all delusional.) When a local vendor makes a heart out of palm fronds for the couple and demands that they kiss (“Intense!” he urges), Des can’t get enough. “I’m loving life right now,” she tells Team Bachelorette. Later over a pineapple picnic, Drew wants Des to know that everything he said on the hometown dates – primarily, “I love you,” — was sincere. “Oh, everything you always say is sincere!” replies Desiree. “That’s why I always trust you.” (Wait… is this foreshadowing? Is Drew now going to do something untrustworthy… or am I just being paranoid?)

The evening brings rain, ruining Des’ plans for a bonfire on the beach, so she takes Drew back to the Fantasy Suite instead. He chooses to forgo his individual room, as you might imagine, but rather than getting right down to business, Drew and Des decide to warm up with a little talk about their emotional needs. “It’s all about finding person who you want to spend the rest of your life with,” says Drew. Adds Des, “I really, really need communication, because my ex-boyfriend, he couldn’t communicate….. He couldn’t compliment.” Wait, why are we hearing this all again? She already told Chris about her ex the “terrible” communicator. Is this more foreshadowing… or am I just being paranoid? Probably the latter, because Drew is currently telling Desiree that he could “get down on one knee right now… I was ready a couple of weeks ago.” Ok, Team Bachelorette, you heard Drew — it’s time to leave. The rose-petal-strewn bed awaits!

Huh, this is odd. It’s time for Brooks’ segment, but rather than running to meet Des on some Antiguan beach, he’s strolling in a chilly-looking park in Boise, Idaho. “I love my relationship with Desiree, I do. She’s such a sweet, sweet person,” he muses. “And I keep wondering why it is that I’m not at the stage yet to say to Desiree that I love her.”

NEXT: Brooks admits he’s “really uncomfortable”

Brooks is hoping his sister and mom can help him clear up some of that confusion, so he pops by his mom’s house for a heart-to-heart before heading to Antigua for the “exotic” date. And to be honest, the guy does seem truly vexed; as soon as he sits down he begins rambling to his mom and sister about how he’s been debating everything “over and over” and that he’s “actually having a difficult time” after the hometown date. “The idea of me proposing to her at the end of this makes me really uncomfortable,” he admits. “And when asked, ‘Well do you love Desiree?’ I really shy away from that question. And I feel like, why can’t I answer that without feeling like I’m, um, like, mis-saying how I feel?”

Let’s stop the tape right here and just state the obvious: Brooks is not in love with Des. He knows it and Team Bachelorette knows it, but both parties don’t want to admit it. Even so, we’ve all been burned too many times to believe that he’s actually not going to go through with the overnight date, and most likely the proposal as well… haven’t we? I mean, this is a classic Team Bachelorette set-up! Brooks’ mom is literally telling him right now not to propose if he has “any doubt,” and Brooks himself just admitted that “a hard conversation now is a lot better than a horrible one later,” and that he’s “not prepared” to propose to Desiree or even say he loves her. All of this must mean that Brooks does, in fact, get down on one knee and all of this drama has been a big ‘ol red herring — right??

We’re going to have to wait to find out, unfortunately, because all of a sudden we’re back in Antigua and it’s time for Chris’ date. Today’s sightseeing, however, will happen by helicopter — and even though Chris insists that he and Des “are literally on top of the world right now,” the chopper flies them at a norm height to the island of Barbuda. Fruit picnic, chit-chat, and making out in the surf follow. At dinner Chris confesses to Des that this “journey” has been “two of the best months that I’ve had — ever,” as a chorus of jungle creatures chirp in approval. Things turn awkward almost instantly, though, as the topic of where Des and Chris would live rears its necessary head. “I found a job that I really like, and I feel like there could be a lot of opportunity for me in Seattle,” begins Chris. “How do you feel about moving to Seattle?” Um… not good, actually. California is “where I belong,” says Des, but love is about “sacrifice” to “make things work.” In other words, the Bachelorette will give your rainy seaside town some lip service while the cameras are on, Chris, but if you put a ring on it at the proposal platform next week, you’d better stock up on some SPF 50.

The evening ends with hand-holding and moony gazes across the table, until Des pulls the Fantasy Suite card out of nowhere. (“Where did you put that?” jokes Chris.) Of course Chris says yes to the “opportunity” to “spend more time” with Des in a “relaxed” way with “no expectations.” Well, maybe not no expectations, because I’m sure most of us expected that before the night was through Chris would recite yet another poem to the Bachelorette — which, of course, he does. After that, it’s hot tub time — and that’s your cue, Team Bachelorette. Scram!

NEXT: “Brooks, what is wrong?”

It’s another beautiful day in Antigua as Brooks arrives for his “exotic” date. But before he can leave the hotel — knock knock knock! — there’s a casually-dressed host at the door. It seems wolfie has asked Chris Harrison to come over and give him some advice about how to navigate the roiling sea of angst inside his heart. Brooks reiterates all of his doubts to the host, who does his best to look concerned even though the glare from the sun is clearly blinding him. “Are you not sure, or are you telling me ‘I’m not in love with this girl’?” he asks Brooks, who at first says he’s not sure, but ultimately works his way around to the answer. “I feel like I’ve come to a conclusion where I don’t think that Des is the love of my life,” he says finally. “That’s what’s so difficult.”

OMG, you guys. This is happening. Though the next step seems obvious — welp, you’d better go break the news to Des! — Harrison puts on his Freud hat for a moment. “Let me just ask, do you feel like you honestly are ready to fall in love?” he asks. “Your parents got divorced — I know that was tough.” Well sure, but Brooks assures him that’s not the problem. He’s ready to be in love — but he’s just not in love right now. (And it’s been two whole months.) Even though I’ve never really been a fan of Brooks, I do truly feel bad for him in this moment. He seems so defeated, and almost ashamed. “There’s gonna be tears and there’s gonna be heartache,” he says quietly, his voice breaking. “And I’m the cause of a lot of that. That’s the last thing I want to do to Des.” And yet, it must be done. Harrison offers a few more words of sympathy and advice (“Be open, honest… I think it’s important that she sees this, how tough it’s been, how conflicted you are”) and then leaves poor Brooksy to gather his thoughts before lowering the boom on the Bachelorette.

Ugh, how sad is it to hear Des chirp about how excited she is to see Brooks and hold his hand and take a catamaran with him and how she’s in love with him — all as she unknowingly walks down the beach to her emotional doom? But as soon as she hugs Brooks hello, he starts to cry. “Brooks, what is wrong?” she asks in an urgent, hushed tone. Unfortunately, the quiet area “over there” where he takes Desiree to talk is like a mile away, so she has to spend 32 agonizing seconds (yes, I counted) walking over to the bench before Brooks even begins the process of dumping her. By the time they finally sit, though, Des knows it’s going to be bad. “Talk to me,” she insists.

Everyone sucks at breaking up, and Brooks is no different. He starts hesitantly, explaining that he was “surprised” to feel so infatuated with her on their first date, and he really wanted it to continue, but… it didn’t. “There are like all of these things that I feel like I’ve checked off, you know? The way you look at everything, the way I feel that I’m around you, I feel like you’re a much better person than I am,” he tells Des, who looks concerned, but still confused. “I spend that time away from you when I’m not on dates, and it takes me a while when I see you again to be like, ‘Oh yeah, that’s what we have.'” That’s when things get tough.

NEXT: “You can say anything you want!”

Brooks tries to let Des down gently, but it still comes like a punch to the gut.

Desiree: When you’re away from me, do you feel like we lose it? Because I don’t. [Her voice breaks] I miss you every day.

Brooks: I feel like I do. I feel like I lose it. And that’s why…

Desiree: How do you really feel?

Brooks: You know, I really want to be madly in love with you, you know?

That’s when she knows for sure that it’s over, and that sinking feeling she no doubt had in her stomach hits the bottom of her soul with a sickening thud. “Why are you crying?” he murmurs. “Because I know what you’re going to say,” she whispers back, wiping away tears. “Why now?” Well, dear girl, it’s because he can no longer deny the hard truth: “I don’t feel it.” Des then does what many of us who’ve been blindsided by a breakup have done before: She tries to curl up into a ball and die. “Why?” she sobs, burying her face in her knees. And there’s no comforting her. “Stop it!” she moans, when Brooks tentatively puts his arm around her. When she finally looks up, the two have their most heartbreaking exchange yet.

Desiree: I don’t know what to say. I love you. I do. You’re the only one I can say that –

Brooks: [groaning] Why didn’t you tell me that earlier?

Desiree: I can’t!

Brooks: You can say anything you want!

Desiree: I told you, and I was going to tell you today. I told you I was running, and then after that I knew I was at the finish line.

Brooks’ question is an odd one. If he knows for sure that he’ll never love Des enough to marry her, why would it have mattered if she had confessed her love to him earlier? Maybe it would have made it easier for him to lie to himself for a little longer, and then they could have broken up later off camera, like normal people. Anyhow, by the time we’re back from commercial break, Des has moved from denial to anger — especially when Brooks says that they both want the same thing, to be madly in love with someone and to have them love you back. “Exactly,” Des says drily. “I mean, I know what it feels like. Guess I just don’t know what it feels like to be reciprocated. I never have. That’s what f—ing sucks… It just sucks that I loved you. I do love you, regardless. I do. I can say it — I don’t care. I don’t care that you just broke my heart,” she continues with a bitter sigh and a joyless smile. “I love you.” What else can Brooks say but sorry, sorry, sorry? Nothing. And so he sits on the bench holding Des in his arms as she covers her face in her hands and cries.

NEXT: The long goodbye

Eventually they begin the long walk back to who knows where. “Now what are you going to do?” Brooks asks Des. “I wondered, you know, I was like, hoping, like, ‘I don’t know how conflicted she is, I don’t know where these other relationships are…'” Des stops walking abruptly and turns to face the man she wants to marry. “Do you want to know why I was conflicted throughout this whole thing?” she asks him, her voice constricting with tears. “Because I didn’t want to share my heart — I wanted to give it to you!” Oh for the love of all that’s holy, Team Bachelorette, can you please put this poor woman out of her misery and send Brooks to the Rejecter Limo already?? At least the guy has finally learned his lesson: “I’m sorry, I’ll shut up,” he tells Des. “It’s not helping.” (No, it sure as hell ain’t, gripes the Antigua Tourism Board.)

After a few halting goodbye hugs, Des walks briskly to the end of an empty dock, where she sits and cries under the steady gaze of Team Bachelorette‘s cameras. (Is “dock cry” the new “balcony cry”? Too soon?) Back on the path, a sobbing Brooks paces in circles. “Worst day of my life!” he moans. “That was way worse than I thought it was going to be.” Later that night, he even seems to be having some regrets about his decision. “There are those moments that we had together – I miss them already,” the red-faced suitor whimpers to Team Bachelorette. “I miss them a lot.” That said, I think the poor guy is just exhausted from second, third, fourth, and fifth-guessing himself, and the reality is this: Brooks is the first finalist in franchise history to realize – or, at least, to admit publicly — that life inside the Bachelor/Bachelorette bubble can make you feel like you’re madly in love, but that doesn’t make it true.

So, Des, what are you going to do now? It sure sounds like she’s not going to settle for a consolation husband. “It breaks my heart knowing I have two amazing, unreal guys who do want to love me, and who do love me. But I just can’t love them as much as I know I have to give, and that’s not what they deserve,” Des says, weeping. “Honestly, for me, it’s over.”

Well, damn — that was rough. Am I a complete sucker, or was that actually the most dramatic (first part of a) finale in Bachelorette history… EVER? Though I generally have no sympathy for reality TV contestants (they have no one to blame but themselves, after all), even I would give poor Des a hug after the brutality we witnessed tonight. When you’re done sitting in stunned silence, let me know how you’re feeling. Are you angry at Brooks, or did he do the right thing? Do you think he’ll come running back to Desiree next week? If not, will Des go through the farce of facing Drew and Chris at the Proposal Platform, or will she mercy-kill this “journey” instead? And who do you suppose was more shocked by tonight’s events — Des… or Reality Steve? Post your thoughts below, and then check out Chris Harrison’s exclusive blog over on PopWatch. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to weave some palm fronds into the shape of a wine glass — mama needs a drink.