The Last Man on Earth recap: Crickets

It was only a matter of time before an episode of TV was devoted to the pig’s greatest contribution to the world: bacon. And that time is now.

Last week ended with Todd happily entering a house and declaring, “Daddy’s home.” Turns out that house runs on solar panels and, therefore, still has a running fridge — and said fridge still has packages and packages of bacon inside. Now it all makes sense why Todd was keeping this house a secret from the rest of the group.

Tandy — now a free man after his seemingly never-ending rotation of punishments — does some investigating and finds the bacon, then confronts Todd about it. The bacon discovery is a big deal for multiple reasons, one of them being that Carol has now resorted to serving everyone crickets since they’re running out of food.

Unsurprisingly, no one is exactly hankering for crickets (although cricket casserole does seem slightly more appetizing than Carol’s previous specialty, raisin balls). Phil eats them, but that’s just because Phil wants to get in Carol’s bedazzled pants. Tandy even tries to eat them and puts on a semi-happy face, earning some good husband points, but he can only pretend for so long. And now there’s bacon. Actual meat! Plenty of actual meat!

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Todd has no choice but to let Tandy in on the bacon for fear of blackmail, so the two go on to have a bacon party. What once was a fridge full of 42 packages of bacon very quickly becomes a fridge full of three packages of bacon. Before you judge them for eating 39 packages of bacon in what was probably a span of only a few days (if even): Imagine yourself at an all-you-can-eat bacon buffet after going without the cured meat for more than a year. I rest my case.

While these two are sneaking off to binge on bacon, Gail is playing nurse. Melissa cut her finger, and with no actual doctor in the crew, Gail’s left to act like one. She’s taken a special interest in first aid following Gordon’s untimely death, something that works in Melissa’s favor this time around. Only problem? Gail’s also taken a special interest in alcohol.

Melissa notices the scent of liquor on Gail’s breath right before she’s supposed to give her stitches but lets her go ahead anyway — after taking some swigs of Scotch herself to numb the ensuing pain. Cocktails become multipurpose in a post-apocalyptic society, apparently.

NEXT: “Todd” finally brings home the bacon

The stitches turn out just fine, and Melissa turns out completely wasted. This makes the following conflict all the more entertaining: Earlier, Carol advised Erica — who is upset that Phil keeps flirting with Carol — to blame Phil, and Erica takes this advice to heart by ordering Phil to stick multiple bottles up his butt. Phil is shocked; Erica and Carol are pleased; and Melissa is highly amused. “You got served!” she drunkenly sings in one of the best-delivered lines of the episode (or maybe ever).

Back at Bacon Central, Tandy suggests they give the three final packages to the group and act like that’s all they found. Todd is in too deep though and insists they keep them, a request Tandy does not honor. Instead he leaves the packs on the group’s counter with a note signed from Todd. See? Tandy has a heart that cares about more than just bacon!

The crew’s bacon celebration doesn’t last for long though, because the remnants of the 39 other packs — which Tandy earlier bagged up and sent on a jet ski out to sea — have washed up on shore. Tandy tries to take the blame, but everyone sees through his lies. Todd ends up telling the real story, and the two try to cry (genuine tears for Todd; theatrical ones for Tandy) their way out of it. This does not work.

And so they both get the pillory punishment. (Note: Where did they find these? An abandoned Medieval Times in middle America?) That part is a bummer, but at least now Todd is on Tandy’s side. New and improved Tandy could always use more people in his corner — especially someone as typically well-liked as Todd.

Last thoughts on The Last Man on Earth

• Carol attempts to “tamp down [her] essence” in an attempt to drive away Phil by borrowing Melissa’s “boring” clothes. Oh, Carol. Never tamp down your essence.
• Melissa makes a potentially tipsy Gail say the alphabet backwards to prove she’s capable of “operating,” but really: Can anyone say the alphabet backwards when they’re sober? Maybe it’s time we find a new way to test if people are drunk.
• Watching Tandy eat bacon for the first time in years is maybe as much a religious experience for the viewer as it is for him. If you want to know what passion looks like, there it is.
• One of my favorite bits of the night is when Tandy’s trying to track down more crickets for Carol and wonders aloud, “Has anyone ever noticed you can get salmonella from chicken but you can’t get chickenmonella from salmon?” You know your joke’s bad when even the crickets don’t respond.