Vanderpump Rules recap: Scheana storms off the reunion

The sixth season of Vanderpump Rules may be over but thankfully we have 13 installments of the reunion to keep us satisfied (JK, there are only 3 installments). Since a reunion is basically a recap, I’m just gonna break down the highlights of this hour which could very easily have been titled “Tears & Tatas.” My thoughts below:

• I’m guessing there’s a lotta double-stick tape being used backstage given the levels of male and female cleavage.
• Jax and Brittany are back together but Scheana and Lala are on the out. It’s a PJ-related falling out (more on that later).
• Shortly before he cheated on Brittany, Jax actually spoke about having children with her.
• Jax confirms he “did not see” the elderly woman who was laying there asleep while he and Faith got it on.
• “It did look like an old woman’s house but I didn’t know there was an old woman in there.” Jax Taylor, ladies and gentleman.
• “It could have been a damn whole in the wall.” Jax explaining how he would have cheated with anything including…well…a hole in the wall.
• James claims that he and Logan have never hooked up [insert eye rolls].
• Lala then calls James the “White Ray J” and says something both crude and incomprehensible.
• Stassi legit has no idea why she got back together with Patrick but feels like she wasted four years of her life.
• No one brings up how oily his forehead was but Andy Cohen does reveal someone on Twitter called Patrick a “douche canoe.”
• Jax talks about the death of his father in December and it’s actually genuinely moving. Nearly everyone sheds a tear.
• The Toms flew to Florida to be with him and then Stassi, Kristin, and Rachel all flew to Detroit for another memorial.
• It’s revealed that Lisa Vanderpump never signed a contract with Sandoval and Schwartz for TomTom. YEOW. Good luck fellas!
• “If they don’t like it, they can suck it!” Lisa V on if the two Toms don’t enjoy the bar’s decor.
• Lala and Scheana get into a huge fight over Lala not asking Scheana to fly on her private jet, aka “PJ.”
• Lala feels like Scheana dropped her as a friend now that Scheana’s in Vegas doing a show.
• Scheana says that she thinks Rob basically stayed with her through the show so she didn’t have another “I broke up” storyline.
• “Rob genuinely broke my heart.” Scheana on their fall-out.
• Rob apparently now texts with Jax to hang out with him which is super sketch.
• Jax gets in a screaming fight with Scheana over the fact she didn’t call him when his dad died; she maintains that she texted him which Brittany corroborates.
• But Scheana walks off stage because her eyelashes are falling off. That is an emergency in Vanderpump land. There is a team waiting to reapply them.
• Kristin walks over and hugs Jax and tells him he’s “misdirecting” his anger at Scheana. He keeps screaming.
• Sandoval takes a swig from a flask.
• “Why is this harder than my divorce?” cries Scheana.
• Katie maybe says one sentence the entire first part of the reunion.

Next week: MORE YELLING!!!