The X Factor recap: Leroy Bell, Lakoda Rayne eliminated

After a Wednesday night results show featuring Kelly Clarkson, Bruno Mars, and the most blatant acknowledgement to date that this show is a complete circus, the fourth and fifth “acts” to be eliminated from the X Factor laser field are….

Lakoda Rayne and LeRoy Bell.

Simon Cowell and L.A. Reid wanted to send home LeRoy, while Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger didn’t want to send home anybody but eventually pretended they wanted to send home Marcus. That meant we were in deadlock. “DEADLOCK,” said the center screen with a big ‘X.’

So the public vote determined LeRoy’s elimination. Stevecrest the Human Stopwatch took his sweet time opening the tiny envelope with LeRoy’s name on it (or what I suspect was a private note from Simon to “shut it.”) I love how Steve’s alone time is his top priority. Truth be told, I’m a little obsessed with him.

Lakoda Rayne didn’t even get to sing for their lives — no one had voted for them so they were embarrassingly forced to disintegrate into a heap of rhinestones on stage about 18 minutes in. “Girls, that sucks. The dream is over,” announced the incredible Steve Jones. The dream was not over, Paige corrected him. “You’ll be seeing Lakoda Rayne in concert everywhere,” the brunette assured us, forgetting to add, “if you’re prone to nightmares.”

I’m just kidding — I will miss all four of Paula Abdul’s last remaining pets, and this was a terribly abrupt exit. But we can’t blame Stevecrest, who needed the extra time to welcome “the wonderful Howie Mandel” — or, as he even more hilariously put it later, “Howie Mandel, top man,” to plug his new show. “I’VE GOT TO MOVE ON,” our restless host suddenly decided, next to Howie. Steve Jones had places to go! He moved about a foot to his left and resumed speaking.

The writing was on the wall — in this case the GIANT SCREENS — for the LeRoy Bell vs. Marcus Canty showdown. LeRoy had tranquil waters and just a few twinkling blue stars behind him during his soulful rendition of “Don’t Let Me Down,” but young Marcus was backed by a more intricate version of The X Factor‘s opening credits (smoky red galaxy) during his. It was just more dynamic, and to me Marcus is simply a more engaging performer than LeRoy.

NEXT: Why can’t the new Twilight movie be three hours of Bruno Mars performing on The X Factor?The judges insisted LeRoy sang better than Marcus tonight, which may be true, but I was completely digging Marcus’ Christina Aguilera song choice. I loved how the tears welled up on “You Lost Me” and the way he kept drawing out the line “somehow you’ve left me neglected,” as if preemptively pleading with Ameriker to rue the day it forgot to vote for him.

Astro went “straight through” in a blaze of high jumps and jibber jabber, just before Marcus and Leroy began their blind date with doom. We’ll get to enjoy Astro’s stone-cold axe murderer face for at least one more results show.

I always love Kelly Clarkson, who gamely belted out her new single “What Doesn’t Kill You” against an animated literal depiction of her lyrics. The words looked they should be “POW!” or “WOW!” in colorful cartoons, but instead they were empowering adjectives like “stronger,” “taller,” “lighter,” and….”LONELY.” That one stood out a bit. Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone!

I was not quite as prepared to find Bruno Mars so amazing! The decision to set his performance of “It Will Rain” in a stirring electrical storm was a smart one. I liked the way the pulsating broken heart behind him started to form some sort of smoke monster during the “off beats” — what would it turn out to be? Another, smaller heart? A lava lamp? An approximation of the rippled terrain of Taylor Lautner’s abs in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn? Nope! Just your run-of-the-mill HUGE EXPLOSION. Very suspenseful! What a haunting song. I may download it. That’s right, Steve Jones, it’s that easy.

Ugh, New Girl promos. Is she new to Earth? Otherwise I don’t get it.

So Bruno Mars was my favorite performer, but my favorite theoretical vision of the night was prompted by Stevecrest as he informed us about “our” choices for the “unique ensemble performance” (read: s—show) sponsored by Pepsi. “You wanted a rotating turntable as the set, a circus theme for the wardrobe, hip-hop for the dance style, and a light laser show. This is going to be insane.” Right he was. I just loved his amused/accusatory tone here, as if all of the internet-using X Factor fans had joined up, all Model UN-like, in a series of peaceable talks to determine that these ridiculous choices would be the very best ridiculous choices for a proper top 9 group number. Maybe this was funnier in my head.

Thanks to the definitely funny Hillary Busis for filling in for me on Tuesday night’s recap. She hosts EW.com’s X Factor live blog during every episode, so be sure to join her there next week.

Happy with this week’s elimination show, Ameriker? Were you as “staggered” as Steve about LeRoy’s exit?

Remember to gargle with Pepsi along with your apple cider for Thanksgiving! (OMG, does anyone remember Pepsi Spice?)

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