Supernatural season 15, episode 18 recap: The fight against Billie ends in tragedy

Let me start by saying: If you're reading this Supernatural recap before you've had the chance to watch "Despair," you might want to stop now. Because there will obviously be spoilers in this piece, and let's just say THEY'RE BIG. So again, I'd stop reading this if I were you.

And if you have seen the episode, here's hoping you can read this through your tears. I'm going to start at the beginning because I can't bring myself to talk about the end just yet. (And also because where else would I start?)

We pick up right where last week left off: Jack is about to blow. Sam, Dean, and Cas are panicking trying to think of a way to save him when Billie arrives. And she is NOT happy. As far as she's concerned, the boys ruined her plan. But she does know how to help Jack... sort of. She sends Jack to the Empty where he promptly explodes. But don't worry, he's not dead. As Billie explains it, taking out Chuck and Amara would've been fatal but the Empty isn't as strong. The Empty is, however, PISSED.

So, if the boys want Billie to save Jack from the very angry Empty, she'd like God's death book back. After all, she needs to read the new ending (which she calls "interesting"). Once she reads it, Billie brings Jack back, but when she declares that he's going to come with her, Dean is able to swipe her scythe and cut her with it. Injured, she drops God's death book, leaves her scythe and Jack behind, and vanishes.

That night, Sam and Dean share a drink, sitting the same way they did in the Winchester Motel scene in "Baby." Dean apologizes for pulling a gun on Sam, before listing all the ways they're screwed: God's more powerful than ever, Billie wants them dead, Jack is powerless, and Michael's not returning their prayers. Sam, ever the optimist, says they'll regroup "somehow." So, together, the brothers raise their glasses to "somehow."

The next day, we're catching up with Charlie and her new girlfriend when suddenly, her girlfriend vanishes. Naturally, she calls Sam and Dean, and it seems this is part of a pattern. People from Apocalypse World have started mysteriously vanishing, and they think it has everything to do with Billie wanting to send everyone back where they came from.

While the boys talk to Charlie, Castiel and Jack catch up outside. Jack is feeling strange. (It'd be weird if he wasn't.) But he thinks it's mostly because he was so ready to die and now, his destiny is just gone. He doesn't know why he's here. Cas assures him that they never cared about him because he was useful. "We care about you because you're you," Cas tells Jack. Jack admits that, without his powers, he's scared. And Cas is too.

Meanwhile, Sam realizes something: If Billie's after everyone who's ever gotten a second chance or been resurrected, she's after Eileen. The four guys hop in the Impala and Sam texts Eileen to wait for them outside her place. In a very tense scene, we're watching Sam text Eileen as the guys sit in silence while Dean drives as fast as he can. Suddenly, Eileen's texts stop, and moments later, when they arrive, Sam finds her phone on the ground. She was mid-text when she vanished.

Unable to let himself get too emotional, Sam snaps into survival mode. He makes a plan to get everyone on Billie's list to a safe, central location that they'll cover in every type of warding they can find. While he does that, Dean is going to go kill Death. They still have her scythe, and he wants to "go reap a reaper." Cas volunteers to go with Dean, and with one adorable brother hug — I love when Dean puts on his supportive big brother face — Dean and Cas leave Sam and Jack behind.

Donna, Bobby, Charlie, and a handful of others from the Apocalypse World meet Sam and Jack at an old silo. Sam's hoping that the warding combined with a spell of Rowena's will be strong enough to keep them safe. But as they're putting up warding, Jack goes to touch a plant and it dies... so that can't be good?

At the bunker, Dean grabs Death's scythe, and he and Cas head to Death's library. One of my favorite lines of this episode has to be Billie's "I guess this is the part where I say, 'Hello boys.'" Lisa Berry is so good in this role. But Death quickly informs them that she's not the one messing with their friends. That would be Chuck.

As Dean and Cas learn the truth, we cut back to Sam and everyone. The warding is set, but moments later, people start disappearing as quickly as Chuck could seemingly snap his fingers. Aside from Sam and Jack, everyone disappears, including Charlie, Bobby, and even Donna. Based on what Chuck's said a few times this season about how people aren't dead they're just "away," I don't think these people are dead. But either way, it's a powerful, chill-inducing scene.

And things only get more upsetting from there. Billie reveals to Dean and Castiel that when Dean cut her, he essentially killed her. That wound is fatal, and now, her dying wish is to see Dean dead.

Castiel and Dean try to run, but that's pointless. Billie starts squeezing Dean's heart, and Cas gets an idea to find a room in the bunker, lock the door, and use a blood sigil to stop her grip on him. It works, but it's only a matter of time before Billie busts through that door. Realizing that he's led them into a trap, Dean apologizes to Cas as he wonders what it was all for. Just because he was angry and needed something to kill? "Everybody's gonna die," Dean says, spiraling. And that's when Cas gets an idea.

There is one thing that Billie's afraid of, one thing strong enough to stop her: The Empty. Castiel finally tells Dean about the deal he made with the Empty to save Jack, and since then, he said he's wondered what his moment of true happiness would look like. "I never found an answer because the one thing I want, it's something I know I can't have," Castiel says. "But I think I know now, happiness isn't in the having, it's in the being. It's in just saying it."

Crying now, Castiel tells Dean that it's not anger that drives him. "Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love," Castiel says. "You raised your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love, that is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless loving human being I will ever know."

And if you weren't sobbing hard enough, Cas continues, "Ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack. But I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean." Dean, unsure of exactly what's happening, asks why this sounds like a goodbye. Castiel responds, "Because it is." Then, Castiel tells Dean "I love you," and in that instant, Billie breaks through the door and the Empty arrives.

Cas throws Dean out of the way, and here's where I lost my mind: The blood on Castiel's hand from the sigil leaves a HANDPRINT ON DEAN'S SHOULDER!!! Honestly, just writing it makes me cry. It's the same handprint we saw in season 4 before we'd even met Castiel. We wondered who could've possibly saved Dean from hell. And then we got to meet him, the angel who would become family. Our angel.

In Castiel's final moments, he smiles through his tears as the Empty takes both him and Billie, saving Dean. Castiel's final words are "Goodbye, Dean."

I have to say, I had a gut feeling Castiel wouldn't make it out of the series alive, and as devastating as that was to watch, what a way to go. That is the kind of death scene you dream of for a character you love. If he had to go, he got to go out as a hero, he got to tell Dean how much he meant to him, and most importantly, he got to go out happy. I, on the other hand, will never stop crying.

The episode ends with a devastated Dean ignoring Sam's call as Sam and Jack try to take stock of who's still left on Earth, and from the looks of it, it might just be them and Dean?

We are IN IT now, guys. I don't think the tears will stop, but I can only hope that any upcoming major moments will be handled the same way they handled Castiel's death.

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Supernatural recap: The fight against Billie ends in tragedy

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