Survivor: Dawn Meehan had a literal breakdown after the game

With Survivor filming for seasons 41 and 42 indefinitely postponed due to the COVID-19 pandemic, EW is reaching back into the reality show's past. We sent a Survivor Quarantine Questionnaire to a batch of former players to fill out with their thoughts about their time on the show as well as updates on what they've been up to since. Each weekday, EW will post the answers from a different player.

In many ways, Dawn Meehan lived the Survivor dream. She was a massive fan who applied for the show right after it debuted, and after a wait of over a decade finally made her way to the island for season 23, Survivor: South Pacific.

While her game was doomed after ally John Cochran flipped sides rather than pull rocks, the popular Dawn was brought back as a "Favorite" three seasons later for Survivor: Caramoan, and this time played much more aggressively and made it all the way to day 39 (losing to game partner Cochran in the final vote.) But while Dawn should have been basking in the glory of an incredible accomplishment, she was emotionally reeling from a final Tribal in which she was blasted by the jury—in particular, Brenda Lowe, who felt betrayed after finding Dawn's drowned retainer and selecting Dawn for the Loved Ones reward and then being blindsided out of the game. As payback, Brenda made Dawn take out her retainer and show her missing teeth for a national television audience.

Dawn was reeling after the cameras stopped rolling, and, as she tells us now, "I had a literal breakdown. From the minute I left final Tribal Council, I was positive that I'd done some kind of damage to my thinking." Dawn was actually taken straight to a hospital in Manila, and traveled home a few days later with the show's psychologist, who then met with her husband back in the United States. It was a traumatic end to a wild two-season ride.

But it wasn't all bad. Dawn had a memorable challenge performance, made great friends on both seasons, and got the opportunity to showcase two completely different styles of play. And she says she is now a stronger person for having gone through it all. The fan-turned-favorite relived both the good and the bad in her Survivor Quarantine Questionnaire.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: First off, give the update as to what you've been up to since appearing on Survivor.

DAWN MEEHAN: Wow! It's been a long time, so much has happened. But honestly, most of my post-Survivor life has been like my pre-Survivor life: teaching at BYU, time with Dave, and raising our kids. They were so small when I played Survivor; and now they are "young adults." Since Survivor, we've had four high school graduations; our oldest son got married (ah!); three of our kids served missions for our church (Tongan, Spanish and English speaking); and our youngest two daughters are now high school seniors.

As far as my own specific life, I was able to spend a lot of time with my best friend, Janae—who passed away from ALS just 18 months ago. That time meant everything to me.

What is your proudest moment ever from playing Survivor?

The "Shoulder the Load Challenge" in season 23. That was a game-changer for me. I would have had a much different game had I not won that challenge.

What is your biggest regret from your Survivor experiences?

The game is just brutal. And I knew going into season 26 that I was going to play for my family and no one else: no matter the pain, the crying, the hunger, the injuries, the loneliness ... the bridges burnt. That took a huge emotional toll on myself AND so many players in the game. So season 26 was hard for me to wrap my brain around. Less so now, but I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that I've spent a lot of time rethinking those experiences in season 26.

What's something that will blow fans' minds that happened out there in one of your seasons but never made it to TV?

That in season 23 I was super close with Whitney (I don't think the edit shows that). I adore Whitney. And then, in season 26, I was super close with Corinne. In all honesty, THAT decision to vote her out physically hurt. (Thankfully, we are still friends. She is one of the most genuine and hilarious people I know.)

How do you feel about the edit you got on the show?

I feel like my edit was a complete representation of me "in real life." Well, I don't cry like that in real life, but everything else was pretty spot-on. I am grateful for that: you saw the good, bad, and ugly Dawn.

What was it like coming back to regular society after being out there? Was there culture shock or an adjustment coming back?

After season 23, I came home overwhelmed. Just being able to go anywhere I wanted seemed kind of paralyzing. I didn't want to make decisions; they overwhelmed me. It was hard to trust people. Life seemed kind of flat after the game: nothing was as exciting in my daily life. Those were all adjustments. (Talking on the phone with other players helped ease that transition.)

After season 26, I had a literal breakdown. From the minute I left final Tribal Council, I was positive that I'd done some kind of damage to my thinking. I immediately felt shame and worry (that I had embarrassed my family... that my family, friends, and students would see me without my retainer. Some of our younger kids didn't know I even had the retainer.). So season 26 was a HARD exit from the game. I was taken to the hospital in Manila (Thanks to production and the amazing Dr. Liza/show psychologist!). I spent a few extra days in Manila with Dr. Liza—processing it all—and she even flew home with me and met with Dave to explain what had been happening. The show took really good care of me. (Jeff Probst and Mark Burnett both spent time with me on the phone. That meant a great deal.)

Was there ever a point either during the game or after you got back where you regretted going on the show?

After season 23, I was ready to train for an ultra-marathon. I could not believe how fortunate I was to play Survivor. So no regrets before, during, or after.

During season 26, I think I talked about needing to leave the game a few times. Thankfully I didn't. During final Tribal Council, I definitely regretted playing. And when the show aired and I received so much online hate (and some love, too), I was dizzy with regret. BUT, as time has passed, I see season 26 as one of the most life-changing experiences. I do not regret any of it now. I learned so much. I played all 39 days with Cochran (which was our goal from day one—and I'm proud of us for doing that). And I have learned that you really can endure/survive hard things. That's a lesson our whole family understands now. (My daughter painted a sign after season 26 that reads "We can do hard things"—and it hangs in our house as a reminder that we're stronger than we know.)

Whom do you still talk, text, or email with the most from your seasons?

So, my contact with other players is wonky. I think primarily because I was so much older than most players. Aside from the game, we didn't have very similar lives. And there has to be life after Survivor (in my opinion). I do keep in touch with Cochran—and will my whole life. I've even called his dad when we had a daughter in the hospital (his dad's a neurosurgeon). He is family. Cochran and I will text periodically and phone when both of us have two hours to talk (because there's so much to cover).

Edna Ma, Matt Bischoff (and Tessa Bischoff), Brandon Hantz, Sophie Clark, Jonas Otsuji, Tyson Apostol, Todd Herzog, Whitney Duncan, Jim Rice, and Keith Tollefson are people I will always hold dear to my heart. I know I could talk to or see them anytime. I did go to Whitney and Keith's wedding in Tennessee (Jim officiated!). I keep in touch with Corinne on Instagram. I'd give her a kidney if she needed it. And finally, I keep in touch with Michael Snow via phone, text, or Instagram. He's incredible, kind, funny, and the most amazing bread baker.

I should also mention that there are a few really significant friendships I've developed with people who watched the show and then began corresponding with me. Some of them, I talk to weekly—and have for years. That's one kinda cool part of playing Survivor: the community.

Do you still watch Survivor, and if so, what's your favorite season you were not on and why?

I've definitely watched episodes, but never followed a season from beginning to end. For one, it makes you miss the island life, so that's hard. And for two, it brings back some of the toughest days of your life, and that's hard. So, I'm happy to just watch here and there.

Who's one player from another Survivor season you wish you could have played with or against and why?

Stephenie LaGrossa. I'd like to ask her how in the hell she carried those sandbags in the Hot Pursuit challenge. I nearly died in that challenge.

If you could make one change to any aspect of Survivor, what would it be and why?

I'd sequester the jury once they are voted off the island. There's so much group-think once you are out of the game and a member of the jury. Oh, and if I could make two changes: I'd ban alcohol on the day of final Tribal Council. Having been a juror AND one of the final three, it seems like alcohol plays major role in people's tone at final Tribal.

Finally, would you play again if asked?

I wouldn't. I feel like I had the best of both worlds as a player. One season, I was kind and well-liked. In the second season, I was determined and cutthroat. AND I've played all 39 days. I don't think I could do any more than that!

To keep track of our daily Survivor Quarantine Questionnaires and get all the latest updates, check out EW's Survivor hub, and follow Dalton on Twitter.

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Survivor Quarantine Questionnaire: Dawn Meehan talks about her breakdown after playing the game

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