Snow is everywhere! It's brightened up the house when the sun actually comes through the clouds and the kids love it. The kids have played outside quite a bit in it thankfully, though it sokes the house when they come back in. 😂 

Christmas was small, but the kids received what they needed thankfully. Though I wish I could have giving them so much more.

The boys and I are keeping our heads up, things aren't so great we have bills that need to be paid and cars the need to be fixed.. we just need a blessing...

Well, things haven't been easy to say the least. It's strange, it's like a dream.... you know the one where your swimming but you can't reach the surface.... or your trying to scream and the bubble just gets bigger without popping ...... it's feels like that.

Only this movie keeps moving, and this screen is almost December and bills are piling up,and then there is the added gifts for my boys. 

My oldest has choir concert, and add the middle child they share JROTC which is quite demanding this month...and the youngest is still battling his grades... but the boys are doing the best they can.

This month feels not just cold due to the weather but also due to the missing family member. We pray for a soon reunion, but for christmas the reality is my boys are growing without there dad and it's heart breaking. We're not asking for much this christmas as we know things are tight everywhere. My boys boys have grown a another Size taller,  and shoes and hard to keep.....and if there's enough for extras then ok... but shoes mostly....

Well, my oldest and I made it up to DC. We also made it to Jose sentencing,  where we listened to the prosecution make it sound as if my husband was the only one there doing everything on January 6th.... kinda like a super human.... alone.... ramming barricades  and yelling at people..... alone...   

The judge was fair, I have to admit.... 6.5 years, 2 years probation,  and 2,000 fines to DC....

I am now fighting a battle for my family.... and I can't stop for fear of failing them.

This month my oldest and I have to travel up to DC for Jose sentencing.  Talk about being nervous, I've been having night terrors, and flashbacks... I'm terrified there going to take him away and we're going to lose everything.. He brings in the income and provides all the  financial support  and with out him the boys and I, even though I work.... will be destitute. 

I have to be in DC on the 13th for his sentencing.  I am asking for your help. Please help me get up there. Please help with food. 

On another note, my oldest has found a car, it's his first car and he turns 18 on Thurs... he is so happy and he can hardly wait to see it. He's worked payments for it, and he's ready to bring it home. Pray he's really ready to drive....

Sorry, it's been awhile! Life has been crazy since Jose's trial... But, the boys and I are still fighting the good fight, and doing our best to stay strong.

Our church sponsored my youngest for two weeks of summer camp this year... He is having a blast. I can't wait for him to come home and share all he did with me.

My two other sons and I went to our local fire department where we helped set up for the 4th of July. I reluctantly allowed my boys help with the fireworks this year. My oldest, youngest a junior fire fighter and I volunteer there on a regular basis.

So, on to life in general.... school is coming up and the needs for school supplies are desperately needed. I have two in highschool... that means calculators, fancy binders, and cost of experiments,  and books where we go to school! 

Then there's my middle schoolers need just about everything for him, he's had the same backpack for three years now....and it's about wore out...

Please pray I find a closer job... one that makes more money, and has more hours and one I can downhill raising my boys....

Thank you all for your prayers. 

So, my middle son has graduated! I am so proud of him... I'll have two in high-school next year, I can hardly believe it. My youngest is moving up to 7th and proud he thinks to rule the school..😂  Where does the time go? One minute your holding in your arms and next they're teenager's running circles around you! It's insane......

I have been preparing for summer activities, my oldest will be working as much as he can, my middle son is also looking for work and doing very well. While my youngest wants to work on a farm, but farmlife is little hard to come by for someone his age...

Thank you all for your kind words and uplifting support. Between you and Christ, I fear nothing. Because I know I have friends who are there for me. Christ knows my heart! Thank you all for being here.

We made it home safe and sound. The boys were more then ready to sleep in their own beds, as was I. You know that feeling when you've been gone so long and you walk Into your home and it's just like...... Ahhhhhhhhh... that was me...

Ok on to more serious stuff, two of the boys were able to see their dad Friday. They were so happy. They chatted right away,  and filled him in about almost everything. It was hard for my boys to leave, my oldest cried as he left his dad and my youngest went silent.  

I swear I can never catch a break,  I need help with my car payment. I am now two months behind on it and about to lose my car. Last month I had to fix my car, this month I was in Washington DC for a week, at my husband's trial.. I swear the devil is playing hard with my family....

Thank you for your prayers, and thank you for your generosity you are all amazing and wonderful people.  The Lord has put you in my family's life for a reason.I will never be able to repay your kindness. 

I want to thank you all for praying for my family. I am still going to need your prayers and your help over the next few months.

Well, I am still struggling with what I've see over the last three days. I guess one can never be fully prepared to watch your loved one be racked across the coals. Then the verdict hits, 10/11 guilty. Which I'm still confused about, so many of them were the same thing just worded. The judge also set Jose's sentencing in September... 

Our life is going to change even more, and I'm trying to put on a brave face but it scary facing the unknown......

Family and friends it has not been easy sitting in the court room listening to the prosecution bash my husband, and bash him they did.... I have to admit the man they made him out to be was one of a heartless and vile brute... but I know him, my boys know him.... we have been apart of each other's lives for 20 plus years now and they want me to believe that this man has changed in one day... no...my boys hearts are broken because of what was said about their dad... they know their dad to be loving, supportive, understand,  helpful, kind, always around....till now.

Going into day two, and we're praying for God to our witness... we are asking for prayers to lighten our hearts and to strengthen our soul so that when our time comes.... our judge will have mercy on us and I understand. 

Things are going to be tough the next few months..... and the boys and I are going to need blessings to survive....

Well, when it rains it pours...and..

My car is down again, this time it's the compressor, condenser,  expansion valve both front and back and....... the econ bag that goes on the compressor......

I'm praying for a break!!! I have been told that it's going could cost me between $26-2800 bucks.... 

The lord knows I don't have that, and there's no way for me to just pull it from my pocket either.... I'm praying for a miracle. I can't go to work, I can't do anything with out my car.... 

Please help me pray for a miracle. 

This week has been rough to say the least! Two of my children have been home, one home with insomnia, and the other home with a serious case of IBS.

On Thursday, February 23, was Jose's second year anniversary of his arrest. It was a very hard day for the boys and I. 

Tonight is my oldest military ball! He looks so sharp, but he wishes his dad was here to see him stand here in his uniform. 

Ok, I need your help!

The boys and I haven't seen Jose for 24 months..... We were suppose to go to Washington DC, February 17, 2023... to see him... but the warden has once again decide to toy with our J6ers. Instead of allowing the normal family of 5 in she has decided to close the doors and only allow in 3 at a time as of two weeks ago... claiming "safety" for all involved.... 

I need your help... get the word out there that Warden Landerkin has closed the doors on families. Making them choose between children who has not seen their family members in years! She's a nightmare! 

I know I'm not very good at keep everyone updated on our family and I apologize. 

Once again, I am forever grateful for Patriot Freedom Project who helped us through Christmas last year. Though it was small, we're we grateful for being able to be together as a family and opening gift provided by patriot Mail project. We had a little snow and the kids had a blast.

January has passed with little action OTHER then my oldest so getting his Driver's license........ heaven help me....another 17yr on the road.. and behind MY wheel... 

February has come and other then doctors apps, Nero apps, school meetings, im still working two jobs and  I have added volunteering at my church as the library aid......

My boys have four dances coming up this month for school and I think they each have girlfriends their not telling me about...

My oldest is excited to go to his girlfriends dance this weekend and she'll be going to his military ball with him soon. While, my youngest two have their dance....

I'm still struggling to write a letter to the judge, it strange..... you love a man for 20 years, been married for 17... almost 18...  and when you have to sit down and tell one man what's on your heart.....your mind goes blank.  It's like you want to tell him that the man his about to throw in prison is your other half, is your world. But he won't understand that because all he sees is the bad.. He doesn't know that this mans heart is pure American. That he almost gave his life for Our County not once but a few times. 

I am a broken women, this separation, this torment has crushed me. I don't understand how a group of people can attack, destroy,  injure, burn and even kill and get away with.... and they call it "fair" or "their rights", while another group of people gather and are peaceful until provoked and roused, then called wrong for defending and standing up for their right as individuals.  And yet they are the ones that go to jail...

Yes, I don't understand...

I'm sorry..... I guess I'm never to understand the  bs of politics... but I know right from wrong... and this is wrong....

Sorry, life's been crazy...

Between cars not wanting to work, kids having issues at school, all of us catching the stomach bug, someone stealing my credit card number and hacking our bank account (which was soooooooo much fun).... we have been going 

I'm gonna brag on my oldest 🤪 for a second!!! One proud momma! Ok, get in the mind set.......

Beeper go off, my son checks his phone; "MOM!!"",we got to go!!"  This kid grabbed his gear and me in the car in less then 5 min.... Ready to head to his second fire 🔥/ rescue response just down the road! We were the second one on scene. As we pulled on scene he quickly jumped into action, spoke to the officer and started directing traffic till his chief arrived moment later and took control of the situation. When later, his chief said he did great!! 

Halloween weekend the kids were so happy, they each had their own costumes, my youngest my was "astronaut", my middle son was a "Templar Knight," and my oldest son went as a "The Prince of Darkness". Went to fall festivals, and blockparties where not only did the kids get a bag of junk food, the also got lots of pictures. The one moment that brought down the weekend was the group of men dressed in orange jumpsuits.. my youngest started crying...

This last weekend my boys went on a church camping 🏕 trip and I had the house to myself... well till I had to work.... I had a hard time... I was alone in the house... and I had mixed feelings... I was grateful for a break... but I missed them so much and I missed my husband even more..

I'm still working two jobs, one of my boss did a break away room which was so much fun.. there is something about being put in rooms with 5 people you work and you have to find clues to get out, to find out just how awesome they are... and what kinda freak they can be, to what they know.... 😆🤣😂

My heart is still breaking, everyday my heart breaks. I miss my husband. I ache to hear him say he's homesick, and can't wait to get home. But, on a odd note he has this running joke about want a rhino... I once accidentally sent him a kids book about rhino and something or other and ever since he asked for a rhino..lol

Maybe when he gets out I'll get him a little stuffed animal rhino.....

Today has been hard,  I have been sick for awhile and I have missed work. I have seen specialist which were jokes, and I'm waiting on hour long scans for my chest and other things. I feel like someone has taken a pressure cuff and placed it all over my body. I have swelling in my feet, and tightness in my chest that just never goes away.... All I want to do is cry right now... 

Last night I had such horrible nightmares. Nightmares that woke me up in a cold sweat and had wishing for Jose to be laying beside me...and yet I had to wait to hear his voice to put calm back in my heart. 

I feel so broken, with out my other half. This is not right, taking a good man away from his family. Yes, I've seen the news articles, the videos, people calling his names and all the hate mail I receive on his behalf claiming we deserve this...

When did this world change from right and wrong? When did it become right to go after people who just believed differently then you? When did the the world decide to attack people who want something better then then nonsense we have to deal with? And when did it become ok for this government to attack its own people?

Well here we go again.......

This time I'm getting a double whammy.. not only is this weekend Father's Day,  but it's also Jose and my 17th Wedding Anniversary...

My heart is aching and I have to work this weekend.. when all I want to do is cry. I feel like everything is crashing in around me... and all I want is Jose home. 

Another birthday without the love of my life...  it's sad, I should be use to the distance, and not having Jose here by now, but my heart still aches... I still cry at night knowing I'm without him.  

My oldest and I are going to work for fathers day, just to keep our minds off the day... At least I hope it will keep my mind off Jose... the longer he's gone the harder it gets... the boys miss him so much.. my youngest night terrors have gotten bad and he has gotten to the point where he calls out for me at night..

I need my Jose home... please pray he comes home soon...

I've met some amazing people this past weekend. The boys and I went to a church that we were invited to and it was incredible.  Pastor Duncan's message was touching, and his congregation was so welcoming.  

I have found out recently that I may have a autoimmune disease and I am being sent to a specialist to specify which one and how to manage it...  I am nervous and a tad scared as this is yet another thing on my already full plate. 

My boys have passed their grades, and are moving on to the next!! It seems just like yesterday that Jose and I were taking them to kindergarten... now I'm dealing with high-school and middle school!!

Easter, it physically hurt to think about doing anything for Easter..... So the boys and I decided to work through it... My oldest and I went to work and my two youngest went to my my mom's and did yard work with her... that she's been begging to have done... and when we got home we had a bonfire and burned all the wood and sticks the kids collected.... it was great. 

It's been over a year since we've seen Jose, he got his first hair cut two weekends ago after not having on in over a year and some months!! And on the 8th the judge said he had 60 days to go through his discovery and then he rather has to take a plea or go to court..... 

I'm not sure how I feel about any of this.... a plea... or going to court.... but I have to believe that even though my faith isn't the strongest somewhere up there God has to be protecting my family.....

Easter, it physically hurt to think about doing anything for Easter..... So the boys and I decided to work through it... My oldest and I went to work and my two youngest went to my my mom's and did yard work with her... that she's been begging to have done... and when we got home we had a bonfire and burned all the wood and sticks the kids collected.... it was great. 

It's been over a year since we've seen Jose, he got his first hair cut two weekends ago after not having on in over a year and some months!! And on the 8th the judge said he had 60 days to go through his discovery and then he rather has to take a plea or go to court..... 

I'm not sure how I feel about any of this.... a plea... or going to court.... but I have to believe that even though my faith isn't the strongest somewhere up there God has to be protecting my family.....

Well, trying to get an idea what to do for my youngest boys birthday this month.. One is into farming simulator and space and the other son I have no clue what he would like... It\'s hard planning a party when my boys don\'t have a lot friends... People are still keeping their distance,  and it\'s a shame for my boys...

This month has tested every limit I have... between cars to kids... you name its most likely happened... my car needs breaks bad and the engine light keeps coming on... my youngest is getting involved with the wrong kids at school.... but he only has 3 other boys in his class to hang out with.... Jose calls daily when he can and I miss him and he tries to help from where he is.... but I feel like one big mess....  now add gas prices into this wonderful calamity of my life at the moment..... yes the rambling of a mad women........

Today has been long as it is...... I\'ve been able to talk to Jose twice today and it\'s been really nice...

So, in other news.... my oldest knee.. he brusied his knee and tenden, but doesn\'t need crutches any longer according to the specialist. He will need a knee brace as needed for support.. but he\'s ok...

Today has been hard... My heart is breaking even more then usual. Today is the day Jose was arrested one year ago. I can\'t focus on anything and all I want to do is cry now....

My boys are missing their dad a lot today too..  My oldest has already had his melt down, and my middle son is in the quiet phase and my youngest is all in the needing mom mode. 

So, with other news..

My oldest popped his knee out and now we have to go to a specialist for them to look at it. Now he has to use crutches... Unfortunately,  he may be out if track for the rest of the semester...  

Valentines day was hard without Jose... here I am working where all these couples come in and enjoy spending time with each other.... and I have to take pictures of these happy couples as part of the job for just Valentines.... My heart hurts without my other half....

My boys tried to make the day special by spending time with me watching movies and eating junk food!

Jose, was able to call a few times and for the first time in awhile I could hear and understand everything he said!!! I miss him so much... This political prisoner nonsense is really frustrating, I want him home!!!!

All the joys of being an adult..... This morning my car decided it needed a jump..... Got to work feeling horrible.. ended up leaving work early.... to headed home only to have my car decide to throw a electrical fit on me and die..... so now I\'m sitting on the side of the road with a bill of $186 and a 55 min wait on a tow truck..... ahh the joys of adulthood.......