Sunday, Dec. 9 — one week from this Sunday — is my 10th annual Blessing of the Animals.
It’s to pray for their health and well-being for the New Year. To bless them, protect them and love our closest best friends who share our lives, our homes, our hearts, and are always there for us.
As usual, it’s at Christ Church, 60th and Park. An hourlong-ish nondenominational, ecumenical service with a homily, Bible reading, Roosevelt High School choir led by Akira Regan, and procession to the altar for the blessing.
We start PROMPTLY at 2 p.m. Doors open at 1:30. Come early — not last minute, because you mightn’t get in.
It’s 700-plus pet owners with dogs, cats, birds, turtles, rabbits, gerbils, fish in a bowl, whatever. Everything with fur, feathers, fins or fluff. Even the balcony is mobbed.
It’s free for everyone. All. No reservations. No calls in advance. No RSVPs. No reserved seating. But only owners with pets. No animal without its owner. No owner without an animal. Those creature-less can pick their own house of worship for 2019’s blessing.
Remember: beforehand — to avoid poo in the pew — walk your Waldo, Whoopee or whatever your he/she/it creature is. And also . . . maybe . . . try to bark, growl, squeak or meow it.
I’ll be there with Juicy, my 3 ¹/₂ pound Yorkie, to greet all of you.
After an animal-related Bible reading, homily, prayer, hymn, carols and police horses (well-behaved, they stay outside), down the aisle to the altar for blessing come police dogs with handlers, Farm to You Revue’s goat, pig, alpaca, etc., Humane Society rescues and each of us with our pets.
There’s the church’s senior Rev. Stephen Bauman and senior Rabbi Peter Rubinstein. I once saw His Eminence Timothy Cardinal Dolan pat a lying-flat Chihuahua smaller than his shoe, Rev. Bauman endeavoring to hug a massive Saint Bernard, and Rabbi Rubinstein swamped by a family of cats and kittens.
We’re sponsored by the Wilpon, Kalikow, Catsimatidis and NY Post families.
Clearing the road and avenue requires permits, for which we thank the city and The Post’s Stephanie Kempadoo for arranging, NYPD assistance for which we thank Commissioner O’Neill and Lt. McHugh for providing, and the church itself, which Roseann DeGennaro organizes. Gratitude to the Zimmerman/Edelson p.r. office.
We have volunteers, printers of programs, cleanup crews, doggy wipes and bags, helpers, buses, donated toys for the needy animals and two vets present — the Animal Medical Center’s Dr. Douglas Palma and Abingdon Square Veterinary Clinic’s own Dr. Brett Shorenstein.
And we gratefully accept any donation for animals in need.
Takes an army to pray for a puppy. So: Hugh Jackman with his two, Alec Baldwin with the pair he always walks, Martha Stewart and her chow, Justin Theroux who almost has a private zoo, Ivana and her Yorkshire terrier, Janeane Garofalo who was addicted to Poms.
Come one, come all. The whole city’s invited.
Dinner is for Cher-ing
So, back to the two-legged species. Neil Simon Theatre is where “The Cher Show” opens Monday. Tuesday night at 7:45, West 52nd was jammed. Mobs crowding to get in. Cher and some guys ordered dinner steps away at Gallaghers. They did steak, she did sole. Whatever happened, she grew agitated and had to leave. Immediately. Without dinner. Up the street she ran to the theater. The guys followed carrying her plate of fish.
According to City Hall’s creative statistics, crime in our town is down by several percent.
Attention all you crooks and muggers: You’re just going to have to try harder.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.