Stephen 'tWitch' Boss’s Mom Connie Opens Up for the First Time Since His Death: 'He Was My Heart' (Exclusive)

In the quiet moments, Connie Boss Alexander still finds herself picking up her phone to text her late son — beloved dancer, father of three and Ellen DeGeneres Show DJ and executive producer, Stephen “tWitch” Boss.

“Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday, and then other times it feels like it’s been so long since I’ve seen him,” she tells PEOPLE in this week's issue.

Six months after Stephen’s death at age 40, Connie, 59, a city supervisor who now lives in Phoenix and has two other sons, grapples with his suicide but finds solace in her memories and her belief that she’ll see him again.

“When I think about him, I try not to dwell on how he left this earth,” she says. “This is not totally the end. That is where my peace comes from.”

As a kid growing up in Montgomery, Ala., Stephen "was always smiling, always willing to try new things," Connie recalls. "If I had on music, he was dancing. He was the only male on his dance team in high school."

"That’s how dedicated and serious he was about it," she adds. "He didn’t care that kids might be whispering."

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Connie was only 18 when she had Stephen, and the two grew even closer when he became a father himself.

"As an adult, I think he really was able to see and appreciate some of the challenges I had as a young parent," she says. "And we talked about those things. I’m the classic boy mom, very protective. If we weren’t talking every day, we were texting. He was my heart."

In the days and weeks following Stephen's death, Connie found herself wrestling with the reality of what had happened.

"You find yourself in a lot of introspection, a lot of looking back. Did I miss something? Did he mean something when he said this? It was just very, very shocking," she says. "I don’t know when or if I’ll ever accept it. At this point, I’m in realization, I guess. When I wake up in the morning, it does hit me that, oh my God, he really is not physically here. But then in my head I can hear him say, 'Hey, Mom. I’m okay.'"

For more on Connie Boss Alexander and Stephen "tWitch" Boss, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday, or subscribe here. 

Her hope now is that the world chooses to remember her son as love.

"Some days are better than others," she adds. "It’s funny when you look at your child as an adult. With certain mannerisms, I see the little baby and then a toddler, and I’m chasing him down the hallway, him looking back at me and laughing. And in high school, I see him crossing the stage and turning back and waving. I see it all now."

If you or someone you know needs mental health help, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.