'Bachelor' Alum Danielle Maltby Says She's Been 'Slowly Draining' Since Ex Paul Calafiore Cheated

The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise alum Danielle Maltby is getting candid about her painful split from Paul Calafiore.

Maltby, 33, addressed the relationship in a lengthy Instagram post Wednesday. Though she didn't identify the Big Brother and Ex on the Beach star, the post comes months after Calafiore allegedly cheated on her with The Challenge star Cara Maria Sorbello, whom he's now dating.

"I am really struggling today," she admitted. "I don't want to get out of bed even though I have tons of s— to get done before the holidays. Control the controllable they say. Well, I've tried that. I don't like to show all my vulnerability, because it gets taken advantage of along with my love and kindness."

"Most days I feel myself hardening since my relationship ended," she continued. "I honestly believed I had found my person. He was everything to me. Now the thought of dating leaves me terrified to let anyone in. It's not like I have anything to give out anyway. I'm trying to wrap any love I still have in me around myself."

Maltby, who vied for Nick Viall's heart on The Bachelor in 2017, then recalled grieving the loss of her fiancé, who died from an apparent drug overdose in 2011.

"I've been in this place before, after my fiancé died and that life was taken from me," she said. "This is different. You're still here."

"I've been slowly draining since the lies started and my ex cheated on me," she continued. "The people that know and love me, see how much this has taken from me, especially physically. The 'revenge bod' I've tried to joke about isn't some new diet trend, it's because I've been physically sick from the anxiety, stress, grief and lies inflicted on me for months. They've seen the messages and emails all summer, fall and now winter. Even this week, begging me to unblock him because 'we are important in each other's lives.' "

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Maltby said she "made a lot of excuses trying to rationalize his behavior" but "wasn't able to come to terms" with it.

"I believe I was shown the person he wants to be but something is holding him back from it," she said. "I'm still trying to fortify my wall, all the while knowing, no matter what I block him on, he still has the capability to break it down and he's still trying."

"In my heart, I know he's not a bad person," she continued. "Somewhere in his mind though, he has made himself believe that it's ok to continue to tell me he needs me, misses me, still loves me and wants to fix everything. Actions speak louder than words. Today, I can't explain today. I've just had enough. I couldn't just post the highlight reel."

"Thank God for my therapist," she added. "Some days are ok, some are really good and I had a great night last night, but today, my place is a mess and I can't get out of bed and honestly, I just hurt. I'm working on it though."

PEOPLE has reached out to Calafiore for comment.

Maltby and Calafiore made their relationship Instagram official in January 2018.

In the wake of the cheating allegations in June, Calafiore told E! News he was "not proud of my actions these past weeks."

"I know they speak louder than these words. I have destroyed the one person that has believed in and brought out the best in me," he said. "I have many things I need to work on and repair internally. I want to be better. I know I haven't earned it, but I ask for patience and privacy while I work on repairing myself."