“Listen, if you didn’t know you were being scammed you’re too [deleted]ing dumb to keep this job. If you did know, you were in on it.”
~Casino (1995)

I’m listening to the Legacy Media clutching their pearls and expressing shock — shock, I say — over the state of President Biden’s mental faculties.

Claims from the Media that the “Biden inner circle” “concealed his mental state” are falling upon deaf ears, so they’re pivotting to the excuse of “It’s a sudden decline, over the last couple of months”.

Horse. Puckey.

The Media was there in 2019, when the then-candidate for FICUS called an Iowa farmer a “damned liar” and challenged him to a push-up contest.

They were there in 2020 when he called a voter a “Lying dog-faced pony soldier” for pointing out that he had only come in at 4th place in the Iowa Democratic caucus. 

There were the requests for wheelchair-bound paraplegics to stand up; demands to talk to long-dead European country leaders, tripping over various stairs, ignoring and wandering off from meetings with leaders of allied nations, unprovoked angry outbursts at American troops, calling out to dead Congresswomen at a service where he was dedicating a building to her memory — all of which predate the “last couple of months”.

Hell, I’ve been referring to him as the FICUS* on the Livestream since he was sworn in.

But, no, the Media is “surprised” by his apparent mental state.

Snort.

Let me ask you a question that should nail home how bad you should be hating journalists right now: How many brain surgeries did Joe Biden undergo in 1988?

The answer is two. Both of them for leaking brain aneurysms, at least one of which was a berry aneurysm at the base of his brain. Not to mention that he got himself a romping pulmonary embolism while recovering from the first time someone went spelunking through his think-pudding.

None of this should be a surprise to any reporter, much less the White House Press Pool, but I’m willing to bet it’s a surprise to some of my Gentle Readers. Why is this, do you think, that the fact that the President of the United States has had people rooting around in his brain bucket not once, but twice, is a surprise to anyone?

Not like it’s Mission Critical Information or anything … oh, wait.

In a just world, after that debate the entire White House Press Corp should be decorating light standards for this bushwa; and the headquarters of CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, the New York Times, and every other “bastion of the First Amendment” should be on fire.

But we’re civilised now.

They’re going to pretend to be the shocked and outraged victims of a cover-up. They’re going to pretend that there’s no way they’re the propaganda arm of one political party, that this is a errant one-time event, and that they’ll “do better” in the future.

We’ll pretend we believe them.

And not a damned thing will change, because not a single one of the little bugsnipes will face any sanction for being morally degenerate sacks of o-rings, desperate to do anything to keep their favoured political party in office, and willing to lie, obfuscate, cherry-pick, ignore inconvenient facts, and straight-up propagandise to do so.

You think you hate journalists enough, but you don’t. You really don’t.

Pfagh on the lot of them.

LawDog

*Houseplant Of The United States.

A couple of months ago I posted about the sticker shock I received after deciding to go back to daily shaving.

A commenter on that post opined that I should probably research Gillette’s stance on some social issues. I did. Ugh. I promptly binned my old Mach 3 razor — no big loss, seeing as how twelve (12) cartridges run about $30 from the Gillette site, and given the current state of the economy, that’s just not cricket.

I get a better, more satisfying shave from a safety razor anyway.

How-some-ever, the fact remains that I will be travelling by air quite a bit in the foreseeable future, I prefer to travel light with a carry-on, and apparently TSA Kabuki will Lose Their Poo if they find a safety razor blade in your carry-on.

I had resigned myself to buying a pack of disposable razors — ugh — for my dopp kit, when a gentleman on a safety razor discussion page pointed me towards a new company called UNO Shave Co. who are making a razor he thought might fit my needs.

Intrigued, I spent a bit of my next royalty cheque to get one of their Generation 2 single-edge cartridge razors, and have been shaving with it for the last five days. Being desperate for blog fodder, I figure why not review* it?

First off, I’d like to point out what this little razor isn’t. It isn’t a safety razor, and comparing it to one is, quite frankly, unfair. The primary bad reviews on-line for this razor involve something along the lines of: “It doesn’t shave as close as my RazoRock Lupo Custom with a Feather blade!”

Well, yeah. It’s a cartridge razor — not a safety razor. With that in mind, here we go!

On their webpage, the folks at UNO state that there will be a small learning curve to using this razor, and they’re not wrong — for different reasons. If you’re coming to this razor from using a trendy multi-blade pivotting razor, you’re going to have a pretty steep learning curve. This one doesn’t pivot, and the angle of the blade to your face doesn’t follow the plane of the cartridge head like you’re used to. You’re going to have to learn how to angle the blade like you would with a safety razor.

If you’re — like me — using this after being accustomed to a safety razor, it isn’t weighted or balanced to do the work like a properly-made safety razor. You’re going to have to learn to put a little pressure against your face like any other cartridge razor.

How does it stack up? Rather well, actually.

It is a very mild razor. In the last five days I haven’t managed to cut myself with it, which is pretty surprising, given my lack of sleep. It is also agnostic as to pre-shave prep, and is one of the few razors I’ve used that works with my puck of original Holy Black Trading Company soap. It’s also given me a decent shave with just shave oil — see “lack of sleep” above.

If I follow my usual shaving pattern, take it slow, and do my part, the UNO Generation 2 produces a closer shave than a Mach 3. If I fast-and-sloppy it, it gives me a shave as good as any other cartridge razor out there.

I can’t ask any better from a cartridge razor.

Again, it’s not my German safety razor with curated Israeli Red blades — but it can’t be.

A replacement pack of 12 cartridges runs about $10, which is not-insignificantly twenty dollars less than the same number of cartridges from the Gillette site.

I purchased this little jewel with an eye towards using it for a week or so to learn its idiosyncrasies, then pitching it into my travel hygiene kit to only use for travel. However, given its forgiving nature, it’s going on the razor shelf for those mornings when running a Japanese or Israeli-honed blade across my skin just doesn’t seem wise.

UNO Shave Co. Generation 2 razor gets the LawDog Paw Of Approval.

LawDog

*Relax FCC. I bought the razor with my own money, the company has no idea I’m reviewing it, and certainly didn’t pay me to do so.

Our experiments with the “Moggies In Space” series of anthologies was successful enough that Rita has decided to branch out a bit. Of course — being us — we’ll have a second “Moggie Noir” antho, and if there’s enough excitement we’ll extend the “Moggie” brand to other genres.

Think “A Moggie of Mars”.

Go! Buy! Read!

LawDog 

If you talked to me, Rita, Jonna, Mike, or Chris about an idea for Raconteur Press or a novel pitch you had during Libertycon, or DM’d any of us about an idea or pitch you had after Libertycon, I’d like for you to send a follow-up note to:

Editor [at] RaconteurPress [dot] com

You know what to do with the words in the brackets. Death to spambots!

All of the staff have access to the email — especially Jonna — and they’ll make sure that it gets handled, answered, and/or sent to the proper person.

Matter-of-fact, recognizing that I have brain-squirrels at the best of times, going forward make sure you send any ideas for anthologies, novel pitches, author recommendations, or Good Ideas to that email addy.

If you’d like to do an interview with RacPress, or invite us to a convention, use the same email address, of your kindness.

For you comedians out there, just remember that Jonna has Very Large Shears, and Sarah has many, many knives.

Thanks!

LawDog

People have been asking my thoughts on the debate this last Thursday night.

Honestly, I’ve been saying for almost four years that the Democratic National Committee should be indicted for elder abuse over running Biden for POTUS.

And while Joe Biden is a complete sack of lying monkey ballocks (does no-one else remember that he ran for President in 1988 and withdrew after being caught plagiarizing a speech, plagiarizing papers in law school, and outright lying about his academic record? Just me? Ok.) the plain and simple observable fact that the man is somewhere on the dementia cycle just makes what’s been done to him cruel.

This is completely separate from my outright and long-standing antipathy towards the man — despite what various Russian bots and the comment section of Instapundit believe I’ve disliked him since the 1990s, and his installation in the Oval Office did nothing to dissuade me from that  distaste — but, as far as I’m concerned State’s Exhibit ‘A’ in the indictment of Dr Mrs Jill Biden, the DNC, and the legacy media for Continual Abuse of the Elderly was recorded on a two-minute delay during the evening hours of 27 JUN 24.

Yes, you dissembling little dacoits in the “journalism” field should be horsewhipped around the courthouse square for this. Each and every one of you. Your feeble excuses that Trump is a Bad Man do not absolve you of the fact that you have ruined this country, and covered for the abuse of a geriatric man whose think-pudding is mouldy.

Anyone in the DNC and political field that supported this reprehensible abuse should be crucified on the National Mall as an example.

My thoughts about Dr Mrs Biden are not printable here, other than to say that I hope the undertaker dresses her in her asbestos underoos after she passes.

Vile. Vile, vicious, and inexcusable, the lot of you.

While I am extremely cross that y’all have made me feel pity for the political cancer that has been Joe Biden and his 50+year career as an elected parasite on this country, I am even more annoyed that I’m fairly sure that no-one is going to hold the Democrats and the Legacy Media to account for this.

Not a one of the unindicted co-conspirators in the Democratic Party is going to be voted out of office for this.

No Legacy Media companies are going to go out of business for this.

No “journalist” who enabled this bushwa is going to be drummed out of the “field of journalism*” and reduced to asking if I want fries with my meals for this.

Pfagh.

LawDog

*Remember: You don’t hate journalists enough. You think you do, but you don’t.

So, at Libertycon Raconteur Press had a “What’s New At Raconteur Press” panel, and our friend Wally recorded it for y’all.

Turns out that one of the audience members has a podcast, and liked our panel well enough that he did an episode on Raconteur Press. Squee!

I reached out to Jonathan, and we’ll be doing an interview with him later on — details will be here.

If you go watch those panels on YouTube, please leave him a comment, because podcast creators need love, too.

I’m going to go back and hide under the bad now, because I am so bloody peopled out.

Enjoy!

LawDog

I’m writing this a day early, because we’ll be getting up at 0200 hours tomorrow to start heading towards Chattanooga. Google Maps says it’s a 13.5 hour trip from Tiny Town to Libertycon, but we’ll see.

When I get off of work this afternoon, I’ve got to go betray Chuy and Mochi’s trust — they’re geriatric enough that Rita and I aren’t comfortable having them boarded with other dogs, so I’m taking them to the vet for boarding. They’re used to sleeping together, and the vet doesn’t have the facilities for this, so they’re not going to be happy with me.

I’m extremely pleased that we’re going to make it to Libertycon — we’ve actually only made it to about half of the conventions we had planned. In this “booming economy” (if you believe the Legacy Media) everything still costs 2x, 3x or 4x more than it did when I retired, but my pension cheque hasn’t gone up 2x, 3x or 4x. Funny, that.

Libertycon is the first literary convention I ever attended, and will always be my home con, so there was no way we were going to  miss it.

Raconteur Press is going to be having a rollicking good time — remember, if you find me at the con and tell me which author is my little brother in Goblin Market, you’ll win a Wiffle Fox. I’ll have a pocket full of them somewhere.

Speaking of Wiffle Thingies, the “What’s New From Raconteur Press” panel will be in the Convention Center, Ballroom E, at 1400 hours, local time on Friday. Since Mike Burke and Intern Steve 2.0 will also be there, Wiffle Ducks will be flying thick and fast.

We have badge ribbons this year, including one that says “RACONTEUR”. That one is reserved for our authors — yes, if you have a story in one of the 3MOTA 50-word shorts, you qualify. We will start handing these out at the “What’s New” panel, starting with a very special author. After the panel, Jonna will be in the Craft room, any of our authors who don’t show at the panel can pick one up from her there.

The other three ribbons are wide open for anyone to wear — get them from Jonna. The “Whimsical, Wyrd, Wildly Out Of Control” one seems to be popular this year, you might want to get yours pretty quickly, otherwise we’re liable to run out.

I’m on additional meds for the blood sugar, so my alcohol intake has to be monitored fairly closely lest I incur an ICU stay via the local ER. Fear not! There will still be anthologies plotted.

If you follow the North Texas Troublemakers page on Facebook, Rita and I will probably post updates during tomorrow’s trip using the TwoFoxesInACar and RaconteurRoadTrip hashtags.

Hope to see some of y’all in Chattanooga!

LawDog

Alien Family Values is live!

We did this one with Guest Editor Sandra L. Medlock, and I’m tickled pink about it.

The cover is — as usual — by Cedar Sanderson, as are the interior illustrations and adverts. She flat knocked them out of the park again.

Oh, by the way, for the confused out there: the adverts are tongue-in-cheek. If you send me an outraged e-mail regarding the ‘Adopt A Human’ advert, or a confused email about not being able to find the ‘Paint Your Spaceship’ company on the Internet …

… there will be judging. Just before I bin your email. You’ve been warned.

Previous Intern Steve (now called “Nick” for some reason) has waxed eloquent about Father’s Day over on our Substack. Man can turn a phrase; I’ll give him that. Probably should think about being an author, or something.

Anyhoo, I’m told interns should have positive reinforcement, or something (personally, I thought the regular beatings were pretty positive, but what do I know), so pop over there and leave him a positive comment.

In other news, my Duct Tape Little Sister won First Place for Novelettes in the 2023 Analytical Laboratory Awards.  Yay! Monalisa is a hell of a writer and deserves the accolades.

I think that’s about it.

LawDog

As a ‘thank you’ to the Gentle Readers who have paid for a subscription to our Substack, today we release the first of my serialized short stories.

There will be a snippet posted later today for everyone, and paying subscribers will get to read the whole snippet today.

If you’re not a paying subscriber — fear not! We will make it available to all readers next Wednesday.

This one is ‘Blood In the Sand’, a story that was first published by Peter Nealen in his SPOTREPS anthology, and has been broken down into three parts with illustrations. Each part will launch on a Wednesday. Paid subscribers get access to each part a week before everyone else.

I know it isn’t much, but it’s my way of saying “Thank You” to those people who believed enough in our little press to throw money at our Substack.

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

If our fans like this enough, we’ll release other of my previously-published stories — and maybe some of the ones that have never seen the light of day — in future Substacks.

The working title for this one was ‘Turbo-murder In Tangiers’, and its definitely a hairy-legged action/adventure story — I was definitely channeling my inner Alistair MacLean this time. 

Anyhoo, I hope y’all enjoy it, and again: Thank you.

LawDog

I hate Facebook. For many reasons, but the current one is the fact that the little bugger refreshes randomly, and I lose a post I was reading.

Today’s Facebook embuggerance was a comment I was reading on an author page that showed up at random on my wall. The comment was from someone who mentioned that they couldn’t submit to Raconteur because we are a conservative publishing house.

I was trying to respond when Facebook refreshed and I lost it.

Damn it.

Folks, fans, and general passers-by — I don’t do ideological purity tests when people submit stories. I barely register author names. The only thing I am reading for is whether the story is entertaining or not.

“It Must Be Entertaining, All Else Is Negotiable.”
~Me

I’m serious about that. Send us stories that entertain, that enthrall, that thrill; send us stories that leave the readers satisfied, yet wanting more.

I don’t have the time, nor the energy, to care about anything else; least of which being the label on the lever you pull in the voting booth.

I’m pretty sure that I know where the rumour started from, too. I have repeatedly stated — well, I suppose “ranted” might be a more accurate description — that I will not publish message fiction.

That is correct. And I will hold this line as long as I am CEO of this house. By “message fiction” I mean stories that sacrifice entertaining on the altar of whatever message the author feels strongly about.

“It Must Be Entertaining, All Else Is Negotiable.”
~Me

That “must” is there for a reason, and is not optional. Stories offered to Raconteur Press MUST be entertaining. Period. Full stop. End of statement.

Now, for those of you in the corner weeping and rending your garments, understand that an entertaining story is fully capable of having a message under the entertainment. As multiple examples I offer the Original Series of Star Trek.

Don’t send us a story where the entertaining part is an afterthought — we’ll send it back with a suggestion that you self-publish it.

“It Must Be Entertaining, All Else Is Negotiable.”
~Me 

Other than that, I truly don’t care about your political leanings, and honestly don’t have the time, nor the spoons, to hire private investigators to vet everyone who submits a story to us.

Just … send us entertaining stories. That’s all I care about.

LawDog