Additional reporting by Suzanne Choney
Read any story about Tyler Clementi, the 18-year-old Rutgers freshman who committed suicide after his roommate spied on his homosexual encounter via webcam, and you arrive immediately at an obvious conclusion: The Internet is to blame.
To put it more accurately, without the Internet, Clementi's roommate would not have been able to so easily do the damage that was done. Clementi discovered his roommate's indirect taunting because it was posted on Twitter, while the video itself was apparently shared via Apple's iChat. Clementi's own farewell appeared on Facebook.
Yet as malevolent as the Internet has become, there's evidence that it also may have provided Clementi with the assistance he needed at times.
During the period of harassment, Clementi apparently shared what was happening several times on a message board on a gay website called JustUsBoys, according to Gawker. In the posts, he revealed his roommate troubles, and received advice and encouragement from others on the message boards about how to resolve the situation.
Online communication was not hard for Clementi; he clearly stated his frustrations: "I feel like the only thing the school might do is find me another roommate, probably with me moving out ... and I'd probably just end up with somebody worse than him. ... The other thing is that I don't wanna report him and then end up with nothing happening except him getting pissed at me."
In the end, the help Clementi got did not prevent his suicide, but that's not to say there aren't many resources that people in his situation could use.
Googling "suicide prevention" immediately pops up a phone number to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, followed by links to that service and others: SAVE.org, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and Suicide.org to name just a few. Closer to home, every university has its own suicide prevention service, though trying to find Rutgers' own suicide help online is not very easy.
The stakes tend to be higher when trying to reach teens grappling with their sexual identities. According to a study in the journal Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, gay, bisexual or "unsure" teenagers are 3.4 times more likely than straight kids to attempt suicide (or at least report that they did).
But for this reason and others, turning to the Internet is almost an immediate reaction for kids dealing with these issues.
"I would argue that the Internet has been a lifeline for [gay-lesbian-bisexual-transgender] kids," says C.J. Pascoe, assistant professor of sociology at Colorado College who teaches courses on sexuality, social psychology, deviance and gender, and who recently wrote a book about male sexuality in high school.
"They can find desperately needed community there that they often cannot find offline. When I talk to trans kids, they often say it's the first place they learned that there was a name for how they felt!"
Last month, in response to another suicide of a frustrated gay teenager, syndicated columnist and newspaper editorial director Dan Savage introduced a YouTube channel geared to providing hope for gay teens caught in the throes of their angst. The "It Gets Better" project features videos by gay individuals and couples who discuss coming out, dealing with family, or just how much better life gets as they got older.
In his own video, Savage says, he and his husband Terry "don't dwell on the past. We talk mostly about all the meaningful things that are in our lives now, our families, our friends who are gay and straight, the places we've gone the things we've experienced, all the stuff we would've missed out on if we'd killed ourselves back then."
But for every salve for troubled souls that the Internet can offer up, there are many razor-sharp technologies within even closer reach. And teens' sexuality — from nude photos to sexual preferences — and the volatility of youth can make a lethal combination, given the digital tools that are out there.
In 2006, 13-year-old Megan Meier was seduced by a boy — or so she thought — in an elaborate hoax conducted over MySpace by the mother of a former friend. When the "boy" dumped her, she hanged herself, never learning the truth.
In 2009, an 18-year-old girl named Jessica Logan committed suicide after an ex-boyfriend distributed naked pictures of her via cell phone to classmates who then harassed her.
Legally there's not a lot that can be done. If you kill someone with your car, intentionally or not, you can be charged with vehicular manslaughter or homicide. But there's no equivalent for driving someone to take their own lives using more recent technologies such as social networks and cell phones. Though Megan Meier's persecutor was tried, Wired reported that she was acquitted due to the lack of a coherent prosecution that could nab cyberbullies without also locking up a bunch of innocent people.
In this case, the use of Twitter and iChat that apparently resulted in someone's violent death gets the alleged perpetrators a maximum charge of "third degree invasion of privacy," which carries a prison term of up to five years.
Attorney and Internet safety expert Parry Aftab, speaking to Matt Lauer on The TODAY Show, said that part of the fault lies with the simplicity of carrying out such cruelty as the webcam spying. "It's easy, and that's the problem," she said. "You think about it, it seemed like a good idea at the time, there's technology that lets you do it, and it's done." She said that while criminal charges may not filed, civil rights violations could apply in the case.
Pascoe also laments how easy this type of harrassment has become: "I certainly would not blame technology itself for this type of harassment, but I would say that it poses risks for which we (as well as youth and young adults) are not yet fully prepared. The rapidity with which information can be diffused and the amount of people who have access to a given piece of information in a mediated environment mean that the consequences of technological based bullying and harassment might be much more grave than offline harassment whose audience is limited to those in the immediate vicinity."
The trouble is, when something is so easy to do, it's harder to convince kids that it's wrong. The record and film industries grapple with the fact that downloading music and movies takes so little effort, it doesn't feel like stealing. Harassing people online, taunting them, even surreptitiously filming them remotely, takes far less effort than saying something hurtful to their faces — perhaps, to teenagers, it's not the same thing.
In an ironic twist not lost on the media, this week is the kick-off for Rutgers university-wide "Project Civility." It will feature several forums on new technologies, including one slated for Nov. 3 entitled "Uncivil Gadgets? Changing Technologies and Civil Behavior." While it's easy for a cynic to smirk grimly and say that the seminar is coming a few months too late, it's more important than ever to realize that it is better late than never. If Tyler Clementi's death can serve a greater purpose, it should be to bring lessons in online civility to universities in all 50 states, and corresponding discussions in homes, offices, hospitals and courtrooms as well.
Catch up with Wilson on Twitter at @wjrothman.