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What if you were to sneak around the house carefully placing ear muffs on everyone's head like some sort of sexual grinch? (reddit.com)

submitted 1 day ago by oneslyfox

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It's like lego bricks and a scorpion somehow made a baby. (reddit.com)

submitted 1 hour ago by Kaylex

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It's Japan... So either dragon bones or little girls' soiled panties. (reddit.com)

submitted 40 minutes ago by Karl_Robe

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Cut to flashbacks of packs of wild vaginas creeping outside the tent."Son just close your eyes &don't look outside."A few moments later,a flashod lightning. The father is silhouetted against the ground,helpless. We see a vagina mid-leap,labia retracted & fangs exposed.A shriek. Then suddenly,silence (reddit.com)

submitted 12 hours ago by ashgnar

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Be right back, just gonna go microwave my ballsack. (reddit.com)

submitted 13 hours ago by femalenerdish

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If diamonds grew on trees, then we probably wouldn't care for them as much, same thing with whale foreskin. (reddit.com)

submitted 7 hours ago by Good_WO_God

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Instead, you get schizophrenic boy-cock. (reddit.com)

submitted 16 hours ago by AAAAA42

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Pigeons are 100% water, humans are 80% water, therefore I am a smart car. (reddit.com)

submitted 12 hours ago by TorchicBlaziken

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TL;DR Dad found used condom in open sewer, blew it up and played with it like a balloon. (reddit.com)

submitted 8 minutes ago by UptokesEverything

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All I've ever wanted to do is to just jump in a bouncey castle with Brandon Jacobs (reddit.com)

submitted 13 hours ago by MSkog

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It's hour 3, 23rd minute. Found toilet paper. Finished watching street fighter. Crying myself to sleep. (reddit.com)

submitted 10 hours ago by SomewhatMystia

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Dude legit was so stroke though. (reddit.com)

submitted 19 minutes ago by kingofhats

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What did you do, make milkshakes in a closet? (reddit.com)

submitted 30 minutes ago by BroganTheBoss

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Socks are like lube for pants but shoes are like masturbating with sand paper. (reddit.com)

submitted 49 minutes ago by mistertheinternet

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I can't continue to justify how much toilet paper I've eaten in the past year or so. (reddit.com)

submitted 11 hours ago by Shinpachi

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The best kind of vagina tastes like watered down tomato soup. (reddit.com)

submitted 1 day ago by ajikeshi

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I'm not saying it was sasquatch, but it was chupacabra. (reddit.com)

submitted 1 hour ago by damnfan

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"try"? buddy, I just raped your mind with understanding. (reddit.com)

submitted 1 hour ago by griffin8116

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give em a squeeze and youll have juice flying from their butthole. (reddit.com)

submitted 9 hours ago by Elektrophorus

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Lubricant, please! Where someone comes to it, sunglasses rearrange words. My breasts are social. (reddit.com)

submitted 14 hours ago by beenhazed

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Holy shit. He fucked right through that grapefruit. (reddit.com)

submitted 17 hours ago by wildo421

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Black people? Yes. There are many different skin tones in the world. Step outside and see for yourself, if you dare. (reddit.com)

submitted 3 hours ago by ISHOTJAMC

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He was a covert-ops sperm. (reddit.com)

submitted 3 hours ago by lackofbrain

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Never worked from the minute we plugged it in my ass! (reddit.com)

submitted 7 hours ago by hostolis

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Yeah but you can't deny watching a rainbow sheep murder your family would pass the time (reddit.com)

submitted 12 hours ago by xanador

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