“When you see it, you’ll shit bricks.” Classic internet catchphrase. You’d think there would be more puns based on it. I couldn’t find any, so I made the following.
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The “Home Alone” novelizations are horrifying torture porn
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Good 10 Guy Greg: He’s a hero, but he’s high as shit
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@IDFSpokesperson: A Social Media Success Story
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Willy Wonka responds to the Condescending Wonka meme
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Goofus and Gallant and Kevin
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Seventy years of minutes from the Lik-M-Aid Corporation’s annual board meeting
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The 17 worst IMDb lists
Posts Published October 2011
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Corporate Sponsorships for Occupy Wall Street
The Occupy Wall Street movement has become a global phenomenon, with sympathetic protests cropping up around the world, grassroots support and growing mainstream media attention. Still, if it’s going to keep growing, the movement needs to incorporate one more crucial element. They need corporate sponsors.
There’s a lot to be gained for the sponsor. They get zeitgeisty buzz, they appeal to a “hip” young market, and they might just get the ironic attention of the wealthy 1%. Here are some companies that would be a natural fit for the Occupy Wall Street movement.
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The Best “We Are the 99 Percent” Parody Pictures
I knew I needed to make a parody of the powerful but super-serious blog We Are the 99 Percent. My first thought was some kind of “100%” movement that only described itself in universal turns. Instead I chose milk (above).
There are, of course, many other jokes to make here.
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You Are Now Aware
You are now manually breathing.
You are now aware of your right hand on the mouse.
Unless you’re on a laptop, in which case you are now aware of the little bumps on the J and F keys.
You are now aware of your finger on the scroll wheel, your feet on the floor or how your monitor could stand to be just a bit dimmer or brighter.
You are now aware how much time you’ve spent jerking off in that chair. Unless it’s your work chair, in which you’re now aware your predecessor probably jerked off.
You are now aware of the weight of your clothes on your body. »
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New Brands of Environmentally Conscious Bottled Water
Reusable canteens are taking over some of the market share traditionally dominated by bottled water. Bottled water sellers are fighting back with new environmentally friendly brands.
Aquacholy
Each drop of Aquacholy water comes from the tear of an endangered animal. The animals are not bred in captivity, but approached in the wild and informed of their own global plight. Upon coming to terms with the impending fate of their species and their own mortality, the animals weep gently. Aquacholy sadness technicians tenderly comfort the animals while harvesting their tears with patented “hydration preservation ducts.” Saline content is filtered out through a hemp sieve for organic purification.
Slogan: This is what it tastes like when doves cry!
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The 20 Absolute Best Meme Costumes from Hallowmeme 2011
A meme costume is already better than your average costume, because when people recognize it you feel like you’re in a special club. And these costumes from the third annual NYC Hallowmeme party (sponsored by Slacktory, BuzzFeed, Forced Meme Productions and Epic Win for Anonymous) were especially impressive.
Titles link to the meme, pics link to the photo source.
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What TMNT Noses Prove About Our 80s Obsession
80s nostalgia! It’s a big deal right now, for some reason. It’s either a sign of the End Times or a sign that our culture is dominated by tweens who will wear Super Mario T-shirts for completely random reasons, despite having been too youngto play Super Mario Bros. when it originally came out.
Or maybe there’s something else behind all of this. Did it ever occur to you that a sense of 80s nostalgia might be hardwired into our brains? Or hardwired into our brains-slash-bodies? …That would be one explanation, right? For the recent barrage of 80s crap that has assaulted our world? After all, what is the deal with the Transformers and Smurfs revivals — and, to a far, far lesser extent, what’s with the ThunderCats and G.I. Joe revivals?
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Sofapizza’s Top 15 Animated GIFs
Gifs! Because who has time to push play on time-consuming videos nowadays?? I got shit to do, Internet! Like look at more funny cat pictures or change my little brother’s facebook status to Nickelback lyrics. So without further ado, I bring you 15 of Sofapizza‘s favorite gifs, in no particular order:
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The 5 Unofficial Rules of Facebook
Facebook is a useful little tool. We can be ourselves, but that good, sexy, photogenic version that only kind of exists. We can be who we want. We can peek through the cracks of everyone else’s sexy, photogenic version.
And like any collection of more than 800 million people, spanning from drunk frat boys, to awkward teenage girls, to your grandmother — there is a general code of conduct. One that has not yet been codified. I present, for your enjoyment and your sanity, the unofficial rules of Facebook.
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People With Accents Struggling With Siri on the iPhone 4S
The iPhone’s Siri virtual assistant can talk to users in several languages. But even its UK version can’t always hear Scottish accents, and loads of Asians can’t master her brand of English.
Watch people struggle against the oppressive Amero-centric paradigm. »
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Memecapping 3: Fringe, Castle, Rescue Me
Memecapping! It’s TV recap memes, made from screenshots of this week’s popular TV shows captioned with lines from other TV shows (and books and movies and memes)! This week we cover Castle, Fringe, Happy Endings, Modern Family, Psych, Rescue Me, Up All Night, Warehouse 13 and Wilfred.
This week’s Modern Family is overlaid with a quote from Dude, Where’s My Car, because the show’s two gay (slightly Nordic) dudes (unintentionally) stole a car. If you watched the rest of these episodes, these memecaps will summarize what happened for you without the rigamarole of actually having to read someone’s boring recap–but the rest of the references are for you to unfold.
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It’s Not Racist If It’s Something Nice: Very Specific Racial Stereotypes
Your mom didn’t mean to, like, point out that the guy in the story was a Chinese man. It just seemed kinda relevant! She wasn’t even saying anything bad about him, so what do you care!
Clearly today’s casual racists are working with a whole set of stereotypes that the rest of us don’t know about. I’ve tried to pick out a few of them, all positive, which seem perfectly innocuous if you don’t squint too hard to see the obvious underlying prejudices.
Based on a quote from Cole Stryker.
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Marla the Shitty Advice Columnist: Household Hints
We tried to hire a dating columnist for Slacktory, but Marla was all we could afford. Also see her advice about dating and family. Thanks for all your questions about household hints! We apologize in advance for Marla’s answers.
Dear Marla,
I am having a centipede problem in my house. Can you tell me how to get rid of them?
Sincerely,
Bugged-Out
I hope ur not talkin about human centipedes. » -
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11 Potential Weird Al Parodies of Indie Music
“All Split Ends”
Parody of: LCD Soundsystem, “All My Friends”
Sample lyric:
But if you’re worried your bangs are feathered
Then you oughta try TresemméSee why all of Weird Al’s new fans look like ‘Amish Paradise’ extras. »
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