20 Guys Trying to Bang a Total Psycho on OkCupid

2012/05/23 at 9:00 am
256,028 views
by Alyssa Kramer
201 comments

The world is fucked. If you are single, you’re fucked. If you’re married, you’re probably going to get divorced, so you’re fucked too. Online dating is taking over, and it’s as bad as everyone says it is. The general population is morphing into lazy, fake, desperate, and creepy weirdoes on the internet, and I did a little experiment to prove it.

I made a fake profile on OkCupid based on a character I created, named Marla. Here’s what Marla’s profile looked like. Please note that in my profile picture, you can’t see my face, boobs, butt, or anything that would indicate that I’m physically attractive whatsoever. Oh come on, that’s a hot shoulder. — Ed.

The goal was to be as incredibly weird, rude, and unattractive as possible to see if guys would still talk to me. Seriously, who would waste more than 0.05 seconds on this white trash bitch? A LOT OF PEOPLE, APPARENTLY.

These are just the first 20. There were many more.

—

More: 11 More OkCupid Conversations With Marla the Psycho Lady

Filed under: Screwing With People

Tagged with: dating, Featured Post, Marla, men, OkCupid, online dating, sex, Slacktory original, trolling

Mika

Total psycho for NYC… Just the good ol’ next door girl in Oklahoma.

ShipShape

Please. Obviously you don’t know dick about NYC or Oklahoma.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Nick-Michael/100000051379284 Nick Michael

Actually, put some meth in that equation, and Mika has a point.

Blackling

Jesus fucking Christ.. and this is why I deleted my Okcupid.
http://twitter.com/TomHanksIsHot Nicole Betz

I LOVE THIS BRILLIANCE!!!!
ChadAintBad

This is hilarious. I made one like that on OkC. Women it appears have a little more dignity and self respect than guys do as it received far less interesting replies. OkC username = ChadAintBad . Enjoy.

http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

> Sees article about how desperately guys will try to hit on weirdos

> Hits on weirdo who wrote article

JK, you’re awesome.
ChadAFag

Desperate

Coolio

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RALRPnG9E8Y
NotoriousDIG

This really isn’t anything special or funny, just trolling because this person couldn’t think up something interesting and creative to actually write about.
Sowhat

most of these guys seem really nice and/or reacting appropriately absurd in reaction to Marla’s comments. If a girl told me she was constipated, I’d figure it was a joke and kind of roll with it, right? But sure, let’s just demonize all 20 of these guys.

Terence Ng

I’d agree if they were approached by her, but they looked at her profile and chose to contact her, then heap praise on her for physical traits she wasn’t showing, and also thought she was worthwhile despite her profile indicating that she’s got nothing going on in any sense of the word.

I don’t see how they were demonized. They’re being laughed at because they have terrible taste in women and even less sense to seek a hook up with someone even mildly pleasant or a fraction more worthwhile.

Kal

”terrible taste in women”

You clearly know nothing about beauty. The guy who contacted ”her” and said that even though you could not see her face you could tell she was good looking was perfectly right. I thought the exact same thing seeing the picture that was used for ”marla”.

Are you blind or something? Yes, you can actually usually tell someone is good looking without having to see their face, boobs and butt.

Nothanks

That was a sexy shoulder!
Terence Ng

“Terrible taste in women” as in they read her profile then contacted her whereupon she then proceeded to speak to them in the most offensive and obnoxious ways she could think of, and they STILL pursued her in an attempt to hook up with her.

That’s why I used sentences that say “pleasant”, “worthwhile”, “profile”, and “nothing going on”. You know, words that describe her personality and not just her picture?

It’s not about her appearance. That they would have these exchanges and STILL think she was worth pursuing as a hook up is what makes their taste in women terrible.

And that her potential good looks alone would make her worth all the effort despite being vapid and batshit insane doesn’t make them look all that good either.
kkkkkkkkkkaaaayyyyy okay

The point isn’t how she looked, though…it was the way she presented herself. You’re missing the point of the project if you think it’s about beauty. It was about personality.

Joe

The takeaway from this isn’t that anybody is desperate or perverse or anything like that. What you should know is that men NEVER trust anything a woman says. If a woman says she’s unattractive, chances are that she looks fine/good. Also, men will have sex with women if given the opportunity. Is this news? What you should know from this is 1) Men don’t take women seriously. Ever. 2) Men know that a woman’s online presence is ridiculous to begin with, so whatever she says is bound to be idiotic. I’m not agreeing with these things, and it’s definitely sad that this is the case, but don’t act like it’s surprising that nobody was listening/nobody cared what this person said online. I know women who are very intelligent, but their online personas make them seem like idiots who just like to drink and “hav fun with guyz LOL!!1″ Yet again, the culprit here isn’t men or women, but the unbelievable standard to which women must adhere.

Zombie DVD

This entire post outlines two things:

1. Human Nature is to lie to ourselves and anyone we want to bang.

2. Men don’t care what you look like or how crazy you are, they still want to bang you.
Anonymous

Women think men actually read their profiles, how cute.

Anonymous

You kind of sound like you were one of those guys.

Anonymous

It’s quite easy to judge others when you’re anonymous, isn’t it?

Anonymous

Just saiyan, dude. You seem personally offended.

udeadonion is a tard

That’s not the person who first posted…
Anonymous

Different people, same level of hurt feefees.
Anonymous

Not personally hurt at all.

And I don’t need to explain myself to you.

Safe bet is that in real life, you’de never act the way you do on here.

If in real life you don’t, that makes you a pathetic internet coward who shoots off at the mouth only when you can’t be held accountable.
If in real life you do, that means you’re a prejudicial and immature.
Two traits that you shouldn’t be advertising.

And turning around and trying to claim that anyone who points out your immaturity is in the same boat as your first target, is just another pathetic reaction on your own part.
Anonymous

kewl beans
Waaahh

lool ur post shows that you don’t care in the face of rational argumentation! that means you win right??
Anonymous

”
Not personally hurt at all.

And I don’t need to explain myself to you.

Safe bet is that in real life, you’de never act the way you do on here.

If in real life you don’t, that makes you a pathetic internet coward who shoots off at the mouth only when you can’t be held accountable.
If in real life you do, that means you’re a prejudicial and immature.
Two traits that you shouldn’t be advertising.

And turning around and trying to claim that anyone who points out your immaturity is in the same boat as your first target, is just another pathetic reaction on your own part.”

Why’d you edit your post? Did you realize that you could google my name in an attempt to intimidate me? Cute.

Grace

it’s only because they are trying to have sex with her. heads up.

sad_excuses

Yeah. But that’s not really the case. Did you actually read the conversation? A bunch of them seem like normal guys showing concern for this fake girl and whatever made up situation she decided to bring up. Such assholes for trying to be nice. Yep.

LovelyAtheist.

Uhhh…… no. Guys pretend to care in order to have sex. It’s a given. Who talks to someone on OKCupid because they’re concerned? It’s not a fucking charity, it’s a dating site. They are clearly looking for sex.

godzilla

Hey, don’t be so paranoid. Guys are guys and do not always want sex from whatever vagina they can find on the internet. Lets be honest, you have to be hot first! If you’re hot, there is a certain level of immaturity/crazy that will be accepted. Besides, her profile makes her sound – actually – like a normal girl that has normal issues, just a bit immature like an early 20s year old. I have been on OkCupid before and met some decent guys if you don’t act like an idiot and make up stupid lies because you’re only on the site for the stupid quizzes.
Christine Giese

”
her profile makes her sound – actually – like a normal girl that has normal issues”

No it doesn’t! And if this is what a “normal girl” is to you than you have some seriously crazy and horrible women in your life!
uhhh really?

ew but who would have sex with her? Her body is : “Used Up” aka some type of an std, she says that she thinks about “all kinda of things” she told someone she is 200 lbs, like what about any of that makes you want to even sleep with her nevermind be a “nice guy” haha. I’ll stay away from the syphilis thank you very much
sad_excuses

Q: Who would sleep with her?
A: Someone who, like her, is “used up.”

But no, we should continue to marginalize those in the STD-positive community. How admirable…

And so you know, I had my body type as “used up” for a while when I was on there. I also dropped out of space camp.
Molamola

If you want to look at it without marginalizing that particular group, STDs are not deemed an attractive or desirable trait by the vast majority of people. That is all that is being said. Christ, it’s almost like you’re going out of your way to be offended by anything that’s being said! Go back to Tumblr, gurl.
sad_excuses

If you go into a new situation with your mind already set on a given conclusion, that’s the conclusion you are likely to reach. I’m sorry for your bad experience.
Yikes

I think the guy that said he likes to eat assholes was merely showing his concern for her wellbeing :)
http://twitter.com/govt_cheesehead Percival Crappington

It was his way of saying he’d protect her from jerks, that’s all! No srsly.

Jenna

aw you are so right, just nice, normal guys who announce that they love eating asshole 5 lines into a conversation

sad_excuses

Tell me that in any bar/club scenario, there is not a handful of guys out of a group of twenty who would say, or at least think, that type of thing.

Then go read a few more examples above and try to find examples of:
- empathy
- open-mindedness
- willingness to start a conversation
Because I’ve found a few. What assholes.

Are we ignoring the fact that “Marla” has already proposed the idea of getting together “2 watch a movie”? Now we’re judging the people who offered to see one with her? This is bullshit.

http://www.facebook.com/mollymerly Molly Dermond

http://cdn.slacktory.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/okcupid-8.jpg

Rofl. I love this.
http://profile.yahoo.com/232W5ISBQNV67O5B23QDXIJOHI Röd

How is this even remotely original? So-called “writers” have been creating fake profiles on internet dating sites to harvest rofl-tastic responses for years…. but I gotta say, this is a pretty weak attempt. Seriously, have you seen the profiles on Plenty of Fish? “Marla” would fit right in.

uralozer

And you’re so original with your corny myspace picture. You look 12.

http://twitter.com/chubbychased sum yung ho

Close.. but no cigar. This scores a 1.25 on a 1-10 in how hard you “trolled” with this “experiment.”

http://twitter.com/kramediggles alyssa k-diggles

“you” are “very” good at “using” quotations :) :) “:)”

Anonymous

Sum was using the quotation marks correctly, while you are incorrect to call them “quotations”. Well done.

Test

Putting the quotation marks around “good” would have had a much great effect.

Anonymous

That is true, as it is it just looks stupid.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002595399707 John Ibizu

I haven’t tried those online date sites and it seems that the fake profile is your typical teen, rebellious, a little bit ignorant and a little bit southern. Which is why most replies/emails/whatever to the fake profile seems innocent and the second this “fake profile” commented or replied, most replys are sarcastic, doubtful or pessimistic.( Well I admit that a small percentage seems to be trolls)

I find it a little bit SAD FOR YOU that what you call “creepy weirdos” people are those lonely people that just wants to find a companion which is nothing wrong even if it was done online. You should not call desperation as being creepy and weird.

And if you find DOUCHE in the dictionary, the picture provided will be you.

“OH! let me create a fake profile and troll people” – You looking for attention
“Look at this sick weirdos comments. How SICK!” You and your need for self-gratification.
“Let me blog/post how dating site people are sick weirdos” – You looking for more attention

Me commenting about this – Giving you more attention douche

http://twitter.com/kramediggles alyssa k-diggles

“And if you find DOUCHE in the dictionary, the picture provided will be you.”
Good one!

Shotsie

Your prose is about as eloquent as a retarded eight-year-old’s. You should probably quit writing and take up your true calling: sucking cocks under an overpass.
Shotsie

Your prose is about as eloquent as a retarded eight-year-old’s. You should probably quit writing and take up your true calling: sucking cocks under an overpass.
Richard

John’s burn wasn’t particularly creative or funny, though it’s still — if you think about it — more original than “Good one!”, and also marginally more inspired than your article.

http://twitter.com/kramediggles alyssa kramer

“John’s burn wasn’t particularly creative or funny, though it’s still — if you think about it — more original than “Good one!”, and also marginally more inspired than your article.”

Good one!

Bubba

ah using the tried and true kindergarten level “i know you are but what am i” type response! by saying “good one” over and over, she’s sarcastically implying that the above legit burn is GASP in fact, NOT a good one! i guess she won!

seriously, only a slim minority of the dudes were explicitly going for sex. your/your supporting posters’ bashing of these guys is seems to me like projection from your own sad love lives.
Bubba

ah using the tried and true kindergarten level “i know you are but what am i” type response! by saying “good one” over and over, she’s sarcastically implying that the above legit burn is GASP in fact, NOT a good one! i guess she won!

seriously, only a slim minority of the dudes were explicitly going for sex. your/your supporting posters’ bashing of these guys is seems to me like projection from your own sad love lives.

Nona Yrbisnez

Does anyone else think this John guy might be one of the guys so sent her something?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Nick-Michael/100000051379284 Nick Michael

Not really.

As far as the study went, I’d be more interested in a “normal” fake profile to see the gamut of responses, both douchey and regular. I’m a little bit annoyed at the point of the article. There are jerks in bars surfing from gal to gal just looking to get laid. Why should we be surprised they exist on the web?

whydidIwastemytime?

This is worthless and mindless. Everyone who has ever been on OkC or any dating website knows how many fake trolling profiles are out there and how many desperate guys are sending messages. The process is mostly a fishing through garbage to find something worthwhile. This adds nothing to any knowledge of online dating websites that you don’t find out within 2 days of being signed up, Male or Female.
Anonymous

I kind of feel sorry for some of those guys – although the girl they want to date and are being nice to is a total idiot, so clearly they have crappy taste. It’s a wash!
lrpgwlkr

I’m not sure “totally pyscho” is a good description for Marla. Sure, she’s a little bit (a lot) lame, but the way you created her personality just seems goofy, and lots of guys are into that. I don’t think the guys that messaged “Marla” should be criticized for doing so. OkC is a site that matches people based on their personalities, so if Marla was a match for these guys then of course they’re going to try to contact her. I don’t like people like Marla and I don’t like the types of guys that tried to contact her, but it’s not fair to say that they’re creepy.

Anonymous

It might have been fun IF it really was “totally psycho.”

Like “I have 9 dogs and 7 cats. And I’ve mostly stayed straight since they aired my ‘Intervention’ episode. Well, mosly. I can’t meet anyone in public until my house arrest ends in August (fingers crossed the hearing goes well!). Like something a sane person would run from.

But, she mostly comes across as a not very bright person who likes to drink and party. So, yeah, horn dog guys see an easy mark. No surprise.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Nick-Michael/100000051379284 Nick Michael

Without any data on whether or not they were matched to the Marla profile, we can just as easily assume they were just browsing whoever was new to the site.

Actually, I’d be interested to see how she answered her questions… whether she kept the crazy~.

http://twitter.com/OshKoshBGoshJos Josh Friedlander

“Online dating is taking over, and it’s as bad as everyone says it is. The general population is morphing into lazy, fake, desperate, and creepy weirdoes on the internet.”

That was really good. After that, meh.
Missingjen

Not sure what you were trying to prove with this. If the photo was clearly of a traditionally unattractive woman, then we might know how guys respond to that. If it plainly showed a traditionally attractive woman, then we’d see how guys hit on someone just because she’s physically attractive, even if her profile is pretty idiotic (not exactly a big scoop). Your odd choice of this photo only proves that if guys see a picture of a woman who, though her face is hidden, appears to be in good shape and is apparently trying to give a hint of the view down her shirt, they will ignore the fact that her profile is pretty idiotic.

Also, the profile seems to talk a lot about drinking and partying. That combined with the low cut top makes me think these guys hit on you because they thought you might be easy.

http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

That’s pretty much the point.

Guest

So the point is guys will hit on girls they think are cute and might be easy? Groundbreaking and hilarious! Or not.

Josef Balcerak

Exactly. Old news.

RandomGuyWhoIsntACreep

With a profile like that and your responses, it’s going to attract a certain type of person. I’ve had several successful dates using OKCupid and am currently dating a girl who I met through the site as well. It’s harder to sort through the trash on free sites like this but the stereotype of online dating being full of creeps and pervs is outdated. More often you’ll find people on these sites who are more successful and busy in their lives (working, graduate school, etc.) than you’ll find at a bar getting drunk.
howoriginal

Most people on dating sites are actually quite nice and just as skeptical as anyone else would be about the people on them. The only reason you were contacted by creepy weirdos was because that’s exactly what you had set yourself up for. Next time why don’t you try conducting an actual experiment instead of being a cynical bitch?

http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

Because this is a comedy site?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Nick-Michael/100000051379284 Nick Michael

I didn’t laugh, though. Mostly, this is just depressing.

Anonymous

Dear Alyssa Kramer,

Sure some guys are desperate. It’s a fact of life that isn’t newsworthy.
Some girls are sluts too. There are plenty of them on OKC and even more on Craig’s list.
If you want to actually paint a FAIR picture, go troll them for non-news stories too.

But I’d like to point out that, creating a sock-puppet profile just to make fun of people makes you a WORSE person than those of whom you make fun.
It’s trolling garbage profiles like yours one that give these sites a bad name.
It’s also TOTALLY against the site’s terms of service.
As are pictures without the user’s face in them.
Had you actually read them you’d know that.
sad_excuses

What kind of person baits an off-center demographic into showing a little vulnerability, only to then portray them as people worth making fun of? This is a very revealing experiment, just not in the way you intended it to be.

Very_telling

Exactly. Her tone in the beginning is more frustrated and miserable than Marla’s would be if she were a real person. I think this is more a projection of the writer’s own insecurities than anything else.

Anonymous

“The general population is morphing into lazy, fake, desperate, and
creepy weirdoes on the internet, and I did a little experiment to prove
it.” You proved it by being desperate and lazy. I’m not sure what you proved by spelling weirdos wrong.
Travis B

We could all act like children again and troll people on the internet if we choose too,
Alyssa, but some of us don’t care or have better things to do. For each message you
got, you probably had one hit the back button to get their ass out of
that profile.

http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

Shhhhh. shhhhh. Let your jimmies remain unrustled.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Nick-Michael/100000051379284 Nick Michael

Actually, I am wondering if she got any normal replies.

sad_excuses

For what it’s worth, the studies done by OKCupid are infinitely more interesting than this. You should check em out, Marla.
Szuszufontana

you are bringing a really good public service announcement to light, def don’t leave your curling iron plugged in unattended, you could scorch a gerbil or worse. i wish my dog were part raccoon, that would be awesome. keep doing what you’re doing, farty! from, a fan. ;)
http://twitter.com/TrjBn Trabadja Bonno

Total psycho ? There’s NOTHING psycho about this Marlababy, she sounds like a pretty ordinary girl, I actually found her quite cute. This Kramer person must be the real psycho, trying like this to prove that she’s somehow better than the average girl out there. Shame on you fake journalist.

Your Comment is Invalid

People like you must have low standards on who they are looking for in terms of love. I find her to be a complete and utter moron of a character. If you were intelligent and actually HAD standards, you’d probably see it. But since you don’t, it just goes to show you’d easily be one of those creepy low-standard guys who don’t care if they date a moron.

sad_excuses

It’s better to not project your own values onto others. Someone out there would probably love a girl who likes movies, hot pockets, and the Dixie Chicks.
http://twitter.com/TrjBn Trabadja Bonno

Or maybe my standards are normal, and it is yours that are stupidly high. Think about it, snob.

http://Lovelyaddict.tumblr.com/ LovelyAddict

Ohhhh god these are all just so terribly repulsive.
trolls

This was funny. Some people take everything so seriously. I think the point of this was to simply see how far guys would go to get laid. Some people here are talking about how AK is being a bitch and to that I say, SO WHAT? That’s her job! Just like it’s the job of every comedian to make fun of people. WHO CARES? Some of you are also talking about originality. The responses were original and that’s all that counts. It’s like saying another mafia movie isn’t original because mafia movies have been done.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Nick-Michael/100000051379284 Nick Michael

Hmm… I dunno. Would it be kosher to take a hidden camera to a bar and troll the lounge lizards? What’s the point? How is it funny?

Slouchingpoet

OMG! Guys responding to an OkCupid profile? That’s the craziest thing ever!
bo

tldr congrats you figured out the internet is full of depravity go back to 1996 and let them know aight?
MoldyMike

Online dating is extremely demoralizing and I would rather be single for life than ever go that route again. Basically, any girl that is even the least bit interesting or attractive will be getting hundreds of responses, and you are just one of the masses.
godzilla

How dumb is this writer… I cannot believe she calls herself “crazy” she does the same stupid crap a girl who is fake, not looking for someone, or willing to take a chance on a guy. I mean really, most of the guys realized she was being dumb and stopped talking with her. If I were one of these guys, I would probably do the same thing: Say hey, if she acts silly/dumb, give her a second chance to be serious and if she doesn’t then just move on. This is a horrible article, all she does is act like some stupid immature teen that obviously made this profile to be immature. Alyssa Kramer gives “psycho” a bad rep.
Dawkins46

I didn’t think some of the guys were entirely creepy. A few of them just seemed generally interested in what kind of dog she had. However, taking one glance at that profile with all the contradictory information about not-smoking, but loving to smoke, drinking, but not drinking etc. I would NEVER have messaged her, but as some people have mentioned, about half of the guys showed no inclination to try and “bang” her as she put it. If anything, they wanted to get a little information out of her, maybe see if she was actually dating material. I guess if you search those sites all the time, you pick up on the tricks people use to ward off the weirdo’s and stuff, like this profile. So maybe a genuine person though to themselves “this must be to get stave off the weird people” and decided to give it a shot. Bonus marks to them. It also appears there are some very pathetic people on dating sites…
Anonymous

FTA:
“Guy: Hey Marla, what kind of dog is booty?
Alyssa: a mix between a pomeranian & fox
Guy: That’s cool.. I’m Jason…”

A guy that asks about a dog she posts about on her profile, and introduces himself?
Yep. That guy was TOTALLY just looking for sex.
</snark>
Snelson_88

I dont get it, for one thing your fake profile isn’t even that bad. I was expecting something a little more psycho…like “I LIKE TO CUT OFF DICKS” or something….
second, those guys were just engaging in normal conversation, and you responded in a way that wasn’t “psycho”, but more like a bitch who feels shes better than everyone. Like the first guy, he seems genuine, and just wanted to get to know you. Yet you’re mocking him and the others for messaging you.
This experiment is bad and you should feel bad.

Dennis Reynolds

Because “I like eating assholes”, and “anal helps with that [constipation]” is considered normal conversation.

Bleek905

you people are all idiots, this is hilarious!!!!!
#realtalk

Thirsty-ass niggas
Meowwxximx

My experience is quite the opposite. For me, if I message some they’re not interested. If someone messages me chances are I’m not interested. And usually the person I’m talking to sends like two words a message and I just stop replying.
Jowahnny

This girl is the worst troll the internet has seen. So sad it’s come to this… I’m going back to stoopido.com to actually watch something funny
Francismckonkey

What you’ve proved here is that nice guys are willing to give anyone a chance. I’m sure you’d be the first person to scream that guys only go after girls with good looks. The only person you’ve ‘trolled’ is yourself.
sad_excuses

Did my comment get too many likes and delete itself? So sorry. Here it is again (paraphrased and incorporating a reply that was also deleted):

So you’ve baited an off-center demographic of mostly well-meaning guys into allowing themselves to be vulnerable for the chance to talk to this also off-center girl? An interesting experiment, but perhaps it says more about the author’s own insecurities than anything else.

Anonymous

dude, your username ironically fits you like a glove…
you seem so desperate, you either saw yourself and related to everything that’s written on marlababy’s profile and took offence, or you’re just the type of person who would totally take candy from strangers, because they’re just well-meaning guys, into allowing themselves to barter away their candies for the chance to talk to you…

sad_excuses

</3
sad_excuses

So sorry you buy into the author’s assertion that everyone’s just out for a piece of ass. Treat this as a personal disclaimer that nothing I direct towards you in the future should be interpreted as any type of sexual advance.

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_PGZTBG4FCLWDLROEQE2CETK73A Kendall

You probably didn’t get the responses you imagined because your “white trash girl” was just a regular woman who dropped out of high school. Reading Star magazine, watching Law and Order and “drinkin” on Friday nights are things regular Americans enjoy, not “white trash” people. Also, using shortened versions of regular words is very American.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Nick-Michael/100000051379284 Nick Michael

Wait, people still enjoy Law and Order?
Dennis Reynolds

What regular woman “drops out of high school”?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jordan-Wayne-Lewis/220100567 Jordan Wayne Lewis

1/3 of the female population there smart guy.

Anonymous

This piece seems kinda cruel to me. How many lonely guy’s affections were toyed with to amuse you? It’s kinda mean-spirited.
sad_excuses

My last post on this. Too easy. Here we go…

Psycho(path) is defined as – “a person with a psychopathic personality, which manifests as amoral and antisocial behavior, lack of ability to love or establish meaningful personal relationships, extreme egocentricity, failure to learn from experience, etc.”

Now let’s play Find the Psychopath!

- Person A loves hot pockets, watching movies, and the Dixie Chicks. While many would say that she’s drawn a short straw in life, she’s currently doing very well for herself. She’s on an internet dating site to meet someone who values similar things. She’s got some weird interests and a unique means of self-expression that many find to be awkward or intimidating in person.

- Person B uses an internet dating site to meet girls for sex. He sifts through profiles regularly to find “easy marks” and subsequently makes overt sexual suggestions almost without shame. He takes as straight a path as possible to get to where he wants to go, with little deception or distraction.

- Person C writes an occasional column for a humor site. Recently, she decided to create a fake internet dating persona of a vaguely suggestive, though not very bright, individual. She then proceeded to converse with several well-meaning, and some not so well-meaning people from the site. Unbeknownst to them, these conversations, assumed to be private, would later be posted to a website for people to make fun of for the benefit of said columnist.

- Person D is what most would consider to be a normal guy. He just moved to a new city and has found it pretty difficult to meet new people outside of work. He also uses an internet dating site but really doesn’t expect much from it. It hasn’t been much use to him so far but he’s gone about it with an open mind, trying to maintain interest in conversation with even those who aren’t immediately appealing to his tastes.

Go!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jordan-Wayne-Lewis/220100567 Jordan Wayne Lewis

Love this. Perfect.

Anonymous

“The general population is morphing into lazy, fake, desperate, and

creepy weirdos on the internet, and I did a little experiment to prove

it.”

You certainly proved it, but that has little to do with the people responding to you.
Musicalsoul207

I found this article funny, but really, this is nothing compared to some of things people have said to me on OkCupid or PlentyOfFish. One guy asked me if I’d ever had a mexican play my pussy like a flute, because my profile stated that I’m flutist. This was the first message he sent me.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Nick-Michael/100000051379284 Nick Michael

Creepy, tis true.

http://www.mybloghasadd.blogspot.com/ Addy DelaMorte

”What are you doing all alone with your big self?”

I fucking lost it. This was awesome.

Info

Ditto! I’m surprised at both the absence of positive comments and the presence of comments from people who clearly have no sense of humor. I had a “normal” profile on a few dating sites and I got plenty of similar replies. Fabulous piece. Cheered me up big time (me and my big self (aka my Siamese twin) are in agreement.
Guest

That was easily the funniest comment in this whole thing!

http://twitter.com/cougar78 cougar78

I probably would have responded to the profile if the grammar and spelling were correct. Typically, for me, if they either have next to no information, write in all caps, or spell very poorly throughout the profile, I won’t bother emailing them. I’ve heard a lot worse stories from female friends about their experience on sites like OKC or PoF.
ROFL

Funniest. Article. Ever
Anonymous

In today’s news broadcast, a journalist makes a troll dating account and whines that guys write to her, and breaking news: Scientists have discovered that wild bears defecate in the woods…
Sweetas_cowboy

This is nothing. The world has FAR worse psychos than some constipation. The REALLY scarey thing is cupid has an enemy % WTF??? Besides, it costs nothing to flirt. Do you really think any of these guys are dedicated to this profile? Odds are they’re all just tossing out some game in practice for something of higher quality in the real world.
http://twitter.com/crunchybits J V

I have a similar account on POF that’s arguably MORE psycho, one that I created several years ago and still get responses to. One might think that adamantly insisting upon impregnation and sweater vests might turn some guys off, but instead I get replies boasting high sperm counts.
Anonymous in Seattle

I think this article is from a
media site trying to drum up sensationalism about a hot-topic internet
site. I found nothing wrong, or psycho, about the profile posted. I
kept waiting for a bomb drop in the fake profile like “I don’t approve
of jungle dating” but everything about the profile was fine to me: some
people are shy about posting photos or don’t even post one so who cares
if it was just a partial; I’m interested in dating from mid-twenties to
sixty; I’ve done plenty of hang-out drinking time in people’s basements,
good times; some people are terrible typers or writers but are very
intelligent, there are many kinds of intelligence and it is reductionist
to assume that someone who can’t articulate well by writing is just
simply dumb or crazy; people writing about themselves online are often
awkward or overly casual/txt-speak to help compensate/deal; hanging out
and drinking on a porch and being a redneck etc is what we all do plus
under bridges after bike rides etc plenty of us shoot guns etc; ok so
the profile is of a big drinker I’m a big stoner what’s the difference; I
also dropped out of high school and don’t want children etc; really
everything about the profile is fine and it’s offensive to me that an
internet site writer would characterize that person as a “total psycho”
that writer needs to meet more people, not be so insecure, and have more
compassion understanding and openness to other types of people and
other ways of being, maybe then they’d find the connections they’re
looking for and not stereotyping everyone that’s not them as “lazy,
fake, desperate, creepy weirdos.”
http://twitter.com/ArthurWisco Arthur

This is mean spirited and cruel and comes from a shitty person.
Logic

This chick had to perform this stupid “experiment” to figure out all guys will do or say just about anything for a piece of pussy? Someone revoke her internet privileges immediately.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Nick-Michael/100000051379284 Nick Michael

All guys?

Johncohen

If you create an idiotic dating profile, you’ll get messages from idiots! Wow!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=515687448 Anthony Hansen

I tried a similar experiment. I made two profiles, one for myself, and one for a hideous porcelain chef I’d painted who I imbued with the personality of a psychopath. Guess who got more hits.

I’m just gonna leave this here.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/I_AM_YUMBO
Craig

The only thing that many of these comments have shown is that there are even MORE weirdos on the internet that go well beyond OKCupid. If you can’t appreciate the outstanding humor in this, then maybe you should start reading milder sites like http://www.pbskids.org for your poor, little, sensitive selves. The author isn’t trying to be a journalist! This is a satire site, and this is a humor-based article…plain and simple. So please stop desperately looking for something to complain about and just go back to your sad & lonely lives.
Itsamemario

bahaha “fartface”. clever girl
http://www.facebook.com/sdguero Ryan Bray

Couple things that make your “psycho” profile attractive to guys that want to hook up…

1. The picture shows that you aren’t fat and probably aren’t hideous. Automatically that puts you in the top 10% of the females that use online dating.
2. The profile is kinda funny. Again, that puts you in the top 10% of the females that use online dating.
3. The use of text slang on the profile shows that you are probably stupid and definitely uneducated. This puts you in the bottom 50% of the females that use online dating, but most guys that are only looking to hook up see that as a big plus.

In conclusion, that fake profile that you tried to make incredibly unattractive may well be more attractive to guys than your real one. I know that I’d probably message Marla’s ass and try to figure out what the rest of her looks like. And if you responded with some BS story, I’d play along too because it’s funny…
Yardguy00

Ive been doing the only dating thing for 10 years now…
your profile did not seem bad at all to be honest. There are much worse real ones out there.
statistic psycho

your evil

X X

you’re

lil

Try being super attractive, educated, and not at all skanky….. what do you predict will happen?
Huge Dick

There are ugly prostitutes in this world. That should tell you just about everything you need to know about guys.
End User

Yeah, that profile, not that crazy.
Loislaneme2008

Obviously, ‘Psycho’ was the wrong description for her profile. It should have been uneducated, dumb-as-dirt, or inbred trash (She alluded to this one).

It amazes me that some people think many of the guys replying to “Marla” are genuine, and well-meaning. Really?!?! They could give a rat’s ass about her dog. Likely, they wanted to make sure it wasn’t a large, vicious dog. I’m actually (pleasantly) surprised the responses (she showed us) didn’t include at least one sick beastiality inquiry.

What I think the author was trying to point out, was that many of these “men” will say anything I’d it leads to sex.

It was obvious “Marla” lacked in common sense, intelligence, and manners. I highly doubt any of these “sincere, well-meaning” guys sent her a link for getting her GED, or advice on finding resources to better her life.

Please, spare me the whinnying about how cruel or mean she was.

Was this a form of entrapment? Probably. However, some dudes will message ANY WOMAN. These particular “prizes” are so low, they’ve got nothing to lose, so they figure the more women they reach out to, the better their chances one will respond.

To be quite frank, I would rather a guy be honest, and just ask if I’m interested in a fling, from the start. It’s a lot better than using the guise of a date, and getting to know each other, when all they want is to get laid.

It’s insulting when people play games, lie (Especially about one’s marital status).

There are just as many women that play games too. It’s all about what your personal standards are.

If these dudes are willing to be so disgusting (“…anal fixes constipation…”. REALLY?! WTH?), and are this clueless that this chick’s low on the totem pole, then they deserve getting their creepy comments posted. Besides, she blocked out their identities, so who cares?

I thought this was entertaining, disturbingly so, but entertaining nonetheless.

Online dating needs to earn its right to be taken seriously. Until it does, people will continue to blog, post, and share in other ways, anecdotes about (Some) of the people on these sites.

I’m sure there are decent people as well on there, but these other fools seem to out-number them.
ughforever

That profile is not “psycho.” Even if you were to take it as an authentic persona, it would seem she’s having a little fun with it, joking around, not taking this too seriously. It’s internet dating after all. “Marla” may be uneducated but she still comes across as someone who is easy going and has a sense of humour. Hardly the scum of the earth.

I’m more disturbed by the classism and profound disrespect for poor under-educated women displayed by the clearly overprivileged woman who did this than I am the responses from these men. Of course OK Cupid is full of creeps with no particular standards. No surprise there. The fact that this presumably uneducated “Marla” is the most disgusting, most undesirable persona she could come up with? That’s way more fucked because this “educated” woman should know better. I have a number of family members who are more or less like “Marla” and I assure you, they are whole, worthy, attractive people whether or not YOU would like to date them. This could have been so much funnier if it had only steered away from the “white trash” stereotype.
http://twitter.com/theMTA Harris Novick

First of all, I would rather date this imaginary woman than the author of this post. There is nothing necessarily wrong with her profile. Just because I would rather not eat hot pockets or watch Law and Order doesn’t mean that a person who does is somehow less worthy of love than me. This post smacks of elitism. You should really be ashamed of your low journalistic standards.

http://twitter.com/kramediggles alyssa k-diggles

omg do u think I have a shot as a reporter for the Washington Post?!

http://twitter.com/theMTA Harris Novick

Look, personally, I wouldn’t have messaged this woman, however, I have seen far worse profiles that I imagine many would deem “normal”. They usually say things like:

“I like to watch people on the subway and imagine if they are really happy or not. I’m weird and quirky!”

“I love to travel. That’s what makes me unique!”

“I’m really weird and original. I like to think about life and the nature of existence.”

Reasonable

PLEASE stop using two spaces between sentences.

Nonpretentious

Because it’s SOOOO hard to read with your overly-educated eyeballs, right?

Many of us learned to use two spaces after a full stop; there’s nothing wrong with it. Go find something more worthwhile to gripe about.
VeronicaSaviano

You mean… paragraphs?

Correct writing instead of weird all CAP run on sentences.

heyharriswassup

lolz so my cat died but no it wuz sound asleep so u wanna hookup after i clean my athletes foot, ru gay?

troll_fail

can’t we just have casual sex instead?
BeenThere

This is absolutely spot on; I’ve been on a few dating sites. If the red flags on that profile don’t stand out to you as a guy checking her out, you pretty much deserve whatever happens to you.
Come the hell on.
And who the hell tells a chick in a message they want to eat their ass?
(ok, that’s only one of many things wrong that a dude should catch)
Anyway, this is genius.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jordan-Wayne-Lewis/220100567 Jordan Wayne Lewis

What are these red flags? She seems like any average American 20 year-old girl.

http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

“I can also glean some information about the quality of your skin, which seems decent.”

http://profiles.google.com/stfuxoxo JJ Doe

It puts the lotion on itself! It does so whenever it’s told!
http://twitter.com/govt_cheesehead Percival Crappington

/clicks Novick’s name

“software engineer”

/shocked

http://profiles.google.com/stfuxoxo JJ Doe

You’re absolutely a programmer/tech guy. The ruthlessly direct way you describe her physically says it all. (But it’s still way socially inept….sorry, dude.)

Realtalk

what the hell are you talking about. nothing about that statement screams ‘socially inept’. your claim is just based on a stereotype that programmers or tech people are socially inept, and therefore their opinions on anything related to women must be irrelevant. seriously, if you look at the effing article and posts, all you see is hate hate hate from the author and it’s supporters. you man-haters need to chill out with the negativity. that’s why guys only want to bang you.

heyharriswassup

lolz so u wanna hang, dont smoke but i smoke n i love drinkin n my house jus burnt down email me at freewilliesdotcom n we can go see chucky ur hot lolz
VeronicaSaviano

I totally agree Harris. After the lead up I read the profile and was surprised it was supposed to be so bad. And her photo is definitely revealing a woman who is young, fit and way more attractive than 90% of the people on the site.

It’s sad because it’s really all just about the low self confidence of young people and not the low standards of those who write her. She doesn’t get what is attractive and has way to high of standards.
This author doens’t realize how young and fit she really is. I’m older now but I remember how that felt. Thinking that 5 pounds and messy hair or some fake “white trash” details would make you unattractive. She’ll get it over time. Her photo definitely
http://Www.hotfemmeinthecity.wordpress.com/ Natasiarose

Ok, even if we assume the profile isn’t that bad, her responses to these guys def were and they kept trying to get at her anyway! That’s what makes this “experiment” hilarious (and also sad) to me.

Anonymous

Folks, this is why being a gay man is so bonus. You don’t have to pretend you want to “watch a movie” or “go grab something to eat” before you try to put it in each other…you just ask if you can put it in each other.

Seriously, though, this is high comedy. Alyssa, kudos to you for intentionally writing so poorly…reading her profile is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. “Religion: Other and very serious about it” made me laugh so hard. Great read…great stuff…the world needs more piss-taking like this. Yay!
O_o

I think the only thing this article proves is that stupid self absorbed bitches still exist in the world, and that they can even make it far enough in life to write stupid articles for websites.
Rico

Haha Agree w/ Harris Novick. I’d rather hang out w/ this crazy bitch and her dog booty than with some cynic that is too good to to be on OK cupid but will sure put in the time it takes to set up a profile/chat with random guys to make fun of them. Yuck
nataly

Marla is very funny that’s why guys liked her…. i don’t think that someone belived to what she said.
Nethingpurple

Look. People go on these sites for different reasons. If your serious and not just looking for a one night stand you can find love. Yes you have to weed through the crap but it can be worth it. I have been with my wonderful guy for over a year now and we meet on match.
Guest

Wow this is some crack journalism right here, folks.
Gleek6

Harris Novick this post is about how screwed up the world is nowadays. You need to lighten up. The author of this post was testing something out to try and see if people would go out with someone who is not ideal and a little crazy. I mean she keep using the word ‘fart’. Who does that. And I think it was rather nice of you ( though I don’t think you meant to be) to say the she was attractive. Be more positive next time and don’t put people down online.
thnx a heap coyote ugly
scs
Cturner1

I seriously just sat here and laughed at this for about 10 minutes. This is so genius!

Well, then!

I don’t think “genius” means what you think it means.

Cassie

My favorite: the guy who said “Have a Killer Day” after you told him your cat died. So awesome.
HAtoofunny

Can I just say from experience that the responses on OKCupid can be absolutely mind-boggling. That’s what makes this article so funny in a tragic way… it’s all real. When you try to get to know someone online, especially on a free website, the comments tend to be ridiculous even if they are “technically” appropriate in context. When you consider the motives of the respondents and the lack of consideration or thought on their part, you can see that most of these guys should have either guessed this might be a joke or just stopped responding. But I guess online you can do and say what you want… I mean who’s really honest on these things?!?!
JonSeagull

Boring read. I’m gonna go find some lonely fat chicks on OKC.
Alohajerry

I would say this is a pretty weak experiment on online dating….she said she tried to be as weird and unattractive as possible, but when you read her profile it is as normal as 90% of the profiles out there. Her responses, could easily be interpreted as humorous which is actually attractive. This another non story that the HP loves to use as filler.She needs to take some social experiment lessons from our cute little blogger friend in Montreal, Rocco Luka Magnotta….then she might be able to reach out of the ordinary.
ella

why are people arguing! this is funny as hell
Drewl

Will you marry me?
sk

Thank you for this, I was having a bad day & this totally cheered me up. I haven’t laughed this hard in a while!
http://twitter.com/EineLorelei Renee G.

;) There is a reason why I call that site OKStupid.
Victor Ward

This is pretty lame. Online dating mixes the good with the bad, unfortunately you hear more about the bad because they’re always people with poor social skills who don’t know how to chat like a normal person. From the messages posted they’re either reactionary toward Marla’s weird responses or just creeps. If someone’s intrigued by Marla’s weird profile of course they’ll message to get the full story. Point is you’re a bag of farts and I hope you pass a kidney stone. Hallelujah, hollaback.
Steve

Okay so the profile is kind of mediocre, and I’m only saying that because I know some crazy women who make “Marla” look sane. But once I got down to the messages, I’ll say that you’ve got “total psycho” covered pretty well. I’m impressed with the persistence, even after the death of your cat. Well done, men.

http://twitter.com/kramediggles alyssa kramer

At least SOMEONE gets it!

heymarlawassup

I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time….please give us more!
lolheywhassupcallme

OMG that was hilarious. For those GUYS that hated it…maybe it hit a little too close to home?

DA Munroe

I didn’t “hate” it, I just have utter contempt for those who mock desperate single people, and for those who mock uneducated people. It’s just classist snobbery. And it wasn’t obviously psycho in the profile itself, which was a fairly ordinary dating profile. Humor fail.

Sophia

right cause outrightly describing people as uneducated isn’t classist snobbery..

Stargazer

Although I find this somewhat funny, I must state that to say OKCupid isn’t completely full of creeps or pervs. Just like RandomGuyWhoIsntACreep stated, it goes with the territory, but that assumption is becoming greatly outdated. I met my fair share of creeps who just wanted sex right away or to say some creepy things of what they would like to do with me after just a message of saying Hi. And, also the fact that there is a generalization only the “lowest forms” of people come to these types of sites are wrong. Again, like what many have said in this thread, there are those who hold esteemed roles in our society, such as Doctors, Lawyers, Grad Students, Professors, etc, who are using this website to find love in the middle of their very chaotic and busy lives. I am a Master’s Candidate and I found love with a Network Engineer using OKCupid. In the end, I just want to say, YES it comes with risks, but the benefits SO outweigh the costs.
http://twitter.com/kramediggles alyssa kramer

If this is as normal as 90% of the profiles you’re reading, then maybe you need to upgrade dating sites.
amused

This is hilarious. I really hoped people would eventually catch on and understand people are messing with them (it even has a name now, “trolling”). Until then, it is fun watching them get messed with.

All the guys who are defensive/saying they didn’t see anything wrong with the profile: Really? Did you not notice this constant misspellings, lack of sentence structure, contradictions (I don’t drink, I drink, I don’t drink..) interested in 72 year olds, drop out, etc. Really? None of this is a red flag to you? This honestly worries me.

http://twitter.com/kramediggles alyssa kramer

I’m worried too. A lot of these comments just reinforce the whole point of this post!

Well, then!

Nah, I’m pretty sure it was a fail.
Kramer

yesss because absolutely everything someone puts in an OkCupid profile needs to be 100% the truth! How do you know some of the responders didn’t just read the profile and say ‘heh, this girl’s either very chill and honest, or has a unique sense of humor. why not send a message – i doubt she’s some sad blogger spending days trying to reinforce the views of man-haters’

Nonsense

This isn’t even funny. AND it’s already been done during a time where taking advantage of the poor people who surf dating websites looking for any kind of human connection was humorous.
Alyssa Kramer isn’t funny she’s just another unoriginal hack!
Long Live BLOODNINJA!

http://people.ambrosiasw.com/~andrew/funny/bloodcyber.html
DA Munroe

What’s so terrible about this fake profile?The photo reveals enough to show a body that’s in good shape, skin is in reasonable condition. The answers to the question aren’t psycho. They’re chatty.

The worst thing is that the author, and many of the readers who apparently LOLed, think this is a terrible profile, some parody of a woman who nobody would ever date. What. A. Snob.
DI

This article must be great for the environment, since its recycled trash.

I’m looking forward to the author’s next brilliant original insight regarding the poor quality of airline food.
http://www.damnablehumbuggery.com/ Aeryk Pierson

Brilliant! Alyssa, you are my hero.
Anonymous

The author has low self-esteem and has to put others down to make herself feel better. Trolling a dating site for LULZ .. and making a post out of it. Wow, that’s pretty low.

Not everyone can be as pretty or smart as you think they should be. So what? Let them be. You think you can troll well meaning people and that makes you cool? Most of the replies were from high-scoring matches (I must admit, I don’t know anything about the mechanics of OKC).

All I see is guys that think you might be interesting and you might have something in common with them. They try to make some conversation. Yeah guys want to get laid. This is news? All you’re doing here and in your convos is showing how much of DOUCHE you are. We get it. You’re a douche.

You should be ashamed. Grow up.
HighlyAmused

Absolutely hilarious read – I actually laughed out loud throughout.
I too am confused by people’s comments here. God, people are so serious!!!
http://profile.yahoo.com/HOH6PF3UW73R3WYR3OIF45ZPMY coolguy b

They just seem to be talking to her nicely. Well there were a few weird messages, I admit. But they’re doing what online dating is meant for. Btw, you have a lot of time in your hands man; to do such a useless experiment.
supsupsupsup

wow, this reminds me of making fun of a retarded kid…. ha?
Claire

Hahaha oh my god this is awesome. “Just found out my cat ate my neighbors gerbil” I couldn’t stop laughing at that one! Thank you for doing this!
hana

I love how all of these angry comments from guys. Us women on the other hand, read this, laughed, and moved on.
Zombiedolllee

Rotflmao I also made a zombie profile on OK Cupid, you would be amazed the kind of response I got!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=613062332 Chris Moschini

You’re going to have to try a lot harder than that to look like a complete psycho on a free dating site – real profiles do much worse. I’d give the one you made up a B compared. Case in point (notice the username): http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=40134236

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