See, I never thought it was a good idea for Northern lords to be the King’s Hand, anyway. They’re always honoring this and honoring that. But I think it is maybe time — what do you think — for maybe a dwarf. How about that, Mr. Stark? All right, I’m sorry. Winter can’t do that to herself.
On your right you’ll see the Wrigley Building, known for its FUCKING MOVE YOU STUPID ASSHOLE.
On your left, you’ll see a building with beautiful gothic architecture [hears honking below] WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT
FUCKING GO
GO
TED
[stomps foot]
TED
ARE YOU GOING TO FUCKING STAND FOR THIS
HONK YOUR HORN
LONGER
HONK YOUR HORN LONGER, TED
Yahoo: Check your stock horoscope!
Nick: I need to fix my mom’s email, where do I do that?
Yahoo: See the smallest Chipotle scandal in the world!
Nick: Also have you seen my Flickr login?
Yahoo: Will this couple’s Simpsons-themed wedding proposal make you pay more at the pump?
You weren’t allowed to have a sitcom in the 90’s unless a wacky neighbor was involved. Family Matters had Steve Urkel, Home Improvement had Wilson and Full House had Kimmy Gibbler. However, unlike her contemporaries, Kimmy never used a shrink ray on the Tanner family or obscured half of her face whenever she went into public. She was just kind of a dumpy weirdo who got shit on all the time by the people next door.
But here’s the thing—in what bizarro universe is Kimmy the wacky, eccentric next door neighbor when you consider the shenanigans happening at the Tanner house? How is it that we’re tricked into thinking that Kimmy is the weirdo when she doesn’t live in a house with her dad, two sisters, her uncle’s entire family and her dad’s unmarried college buddy?
The first season of Aaron Sorkin’s The Newsroom wasn’t always smart, but it was always loud. Welcome to THE NEWSROOM IN ALL CAPS.
Watch all seven minutes of shouting from ten episodes of TV. »
What a great fuckin’ concept, right? This is a one-episode show from Channel 101 (a screening series in LA for five-minute videos). Two guys are each other’s butlers.
It’s an unseen classic from 2006, before Channel 101 co-creator Dan Harmon became the famous showrunner of Community.
Yesterday Gizmodo got a hold of an Apple Store Genius Training Manual. They read it cover to cover and exposed its shocking techniques, like politeness and empathy. Today they announced they have found a leaked copy of a DiGiorno Pizza Training manual.
Sam Biddle Reports:
You may have seen the outrageous DiGiorno advertising that has been permeating televisions for years, claiming that their pizza is as good as any delivery place, even implying that a tiny nerdy kid could be invited into what appears to be a generic rap star’s slammin’ party. You would think DiGiorno knows better, right? You bet they do: DiGiorno knows exactly what it’s doing with our emotions. How do I know? I read DiGiorno’s secret training manual from cover to cover.
It’s a penetrating look inside DiGiorno: psychological mastery, banned words, role playing — you’ve never seen anything like it. THE HORROR!
The training manual I mysteriously ended up with is apparently the most up-to-date and runs a bizarre gamut of DiGiorno do’s and don’ts, even mentioning words that employees shouldn’t use like “fucking asshole” and lessons on how to capitalize on human emotions, like love of food.
You’ve seen Dog Shaming, yes? You’ve heard of Snoop Dogg? Good, you’re ready.
After delaying the Republican National Convention (RNC) to avoid damage from Not a Climate Change Event Isaac, the Republican National Committee (for some stupid reason, also RNC) has released a highly compressed schedule for the RNC (Convention, not Committee). In response, we here at Slacktory have compiled a helpful guide to the most important parts of the Convention so you can catch all your favorite Republicans!
Tuesday Aug. 28, 2012
4:00 PM – Roll Call for Nomination of President of the United States
The delegates from each state will be called in alphabetical order to submit their vote for the Republican nominee. Listen closely for the sound of Ron Paul devotees’ outlandish scenarios and ludicrous hopes being dashed against the rocks of political reality. This is the primary business of the convention! This is why we’re here, and it’s like the third thing they do on day one. For some reason, no one goes home after this.
Read about Santorum’s surge and the Ron Paul Memorial Memorial in the rest of the RNC schedule. »
This is the first time we’ve seen Krispy’s nemesis James, right? James has two henchmen, one of whom is clearly a henchwoman.
If you have no idea what we’re talking about, read our earlier posts about fake-amateur-rapper Krispy Kreme.
I couldn’t pack the beauty of this stunt into the headline. Here’s how FirstStateMan presented it on Reddit: “On Tuesday night, small business owner Sher Valenzuela will address the nation at the RNC on how she ‘built it herself’. Unfortunately, she forgot to build firststatemanufacturing.com. So, I built it for her!”
Firststatemanufacturing.com talks about the actual history of Valenzuela’s company, First State Manufacturing, and how it’s relied on government aid from the start.
Read how First State Manufacturing’s real site also shows off its government connections. »
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Follow Friday: @BestPornComment
BEST PORN COMMENTS finds and tweets the best non sequiturs, mush-mouthed appreciation, and body snarks left on internet porn.
The account started on April 1 with this:
Followed in two minutes by this:
And so on…
See the rest of Best Porn Comments’ best tweets. »