Posts Published September 2012

Follow Friday: @Mallelis

Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) has contributed to Slacktory. She’s more often on the Hairpin, writing texts from literary characters. She’s a Twitter poet.

CAN MUSLIMS BREASTFEED??? -next cover of Newsweek ARE LESBIANS AUTISTIC??

— Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) September 17, 2012

A RAISIN IS A PRETTY FUCKED UP THING TO DO TO A GRAPE

— Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) September 23, 2012

did u know in the wild asteroids & meteors are beautiful jewel-toned animals that communicate thru song? all we ever see are their bones tho

— Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) August 16, 2012

Read more of Mallory’s best tweets. »
- - 2012/09/28 at 5:44 pm
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 135 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Follow Friday
Supercut: All of Tina Belcher’s moans from “Bob’s Burgers”

Bob’s Burgers starts its third season on Sunday! To celebrate, here’s all of Tina’s extended moans so far.

Listen to the sound of puberty. »
- - 2012/09/28 at 12:10 pm
  - by Bryan Menegus
- - 873 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Slacktory Supercut
Israeli meme mocks Netanyahu’s bomb diagram

Israeli portal Walla reports: Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu presented an insultingly silly graph at the UN this week, not-really illustrating Iran’s imminent nuclear capability:

And the internet did what internets do. »
- - 2012/09/28 at 11:38 am
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 992 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Memes
The best posts from Bloard, a very clever little forum

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a high school attended by all of the Sonic the Hedgehog characters, and during class Shadow passes a note to Sonic that says ‘Hey i have something i need to tell you at recess.’ And at recess they hang out near a picnic table and Shadow puts his gloved hand on Sonic’s and looks into his.eyes and they share a deep, passionate kiss. Then the bell rings, and it’s back to class for Sonic and friends, but there is a new tension among them.. It is a very exciting time, for Sonic and Shadow. It’s awesome to imagine this” – ~GeorgeOrwell.deviantart.com

— Skylark on Bloard

I don’t know where this messageboard came from, I can’t help you Know Your Meme here. I think it just exists for some people to try to out-funny each other, but actual funny, not “funnyjunk” funny.

I found it through the Twitter user leh0n, and I ended up on the “top posts” page, and it’s beautiful.

See some of the top bloard posts. »
- - 2012/09/28 at 10:41 am
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 576 views
  - 1 comment
- Filed under:Bowels of the Internet
“Interview” by Once a Week Film Fest

Here’s a short film about a job interview that uses two schticks at once. The Once a Week Film Fest sent this to us on YouTube. Other comedy-video makers, you should send us your videos too.

Watch ‘Interview’. »
- - 2012/09/27 at 2:17 pm
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 84 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Videos
A detailed breakdown of 2010′s “Why are you closed?” guy

In 2010, an aging gentleman wanted to shop at Toronto’s Eaton Centre. It was closing (locking down during the G-20 protests). He pounded on the doors and demanded an explanation. Someone, amused, shot him on video. It was later removed, but copies have earned millions of views over the last two years.

This video holds the key to life. This video is everything.

Let’s walk through the highlights. »
- - 2012/09/27 at 10:22 am
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 373 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:This Is Everything
It hurts when you do that (A monologue)

Ow. Seriously. Please stop that. I can’t imagine a situation in which that would feel good. Do you think that some girls would actually enjoy that? Is it a European thing or something? Maybe you picked it up during that semester you spent in Italy.

But, um, when not in Rome, man. Honestly, that wasn’t desirable in the slightest. Can you hand me my pants? Wow, maybe some Neosporin, too.

Did your watch get caught down there or something? It felt like you were putting a pineapple in one end and pulling it out the other. Should I have enjoyed that? Do you want me to… am I supposed to do that to you now? Is there a bib or something I can wear?

Was that your toe? It felt like a toe was involved… »
- - 2012/09/27 at 10:00 am
  - by Alex Koplow
- - 252 views
  - 1 comment
- Filed under:Monologues
HOLLYWOOD DREAMS by Waverly Films

Waverly Films doesn’t dominate YouTube the way it used to with The Hauntening, The Amazing Lyrebird, and Fuck Shit Stack, because they’re busy making movies and commercials.

But they still occasionally make creative sketches that deserve to be hits. For example, this little sweet nothing that escalates in classic Waverly style.

Watch ‘HOLLYWOOD’ »
- - 2012/09/27 at 8:00 am
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 45 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Videos
Which Dr. Seuss hat should I wear to the party?

The 90s Guy is a column about a guy from the 1990s.

So I’ve got this party I’m going to this weekend and I want to show off that I’m like a really cool, laid back guy who likes to have a good time. So naturally I’m going to wear one of those like floppy stovetop Dr. Seuss hats — but I can’t figure out which one.

I’ve got one that’s red and white, you know, just like totally Cat in the Hat style. I figure it shows off that I appreciate the classics — that I’m not trying to be anything more than who I am. I’ve got a playful side and I embrace my inner child.

Help me pick out this hat, dude. »
- - 2012/09/26 at 4:49 pm
  - by Kris Moore
- - 193 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:The 90s Guy
Awkward Sunrise: A show about sexy awkward sex-people

Awkward Sunrise is an utterly undiscovered web show about people having sex and talking. It’s shot crisply, and it ranges from “so relatable” to delightfully silly, without ever forcing a punchline. Each episode is a single two-minute scene.

Watch a couple episodes. »
- - 2012/09/26 at 1:06 pm
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 1739 views
  - 2 comments
- Filed under:Videos
Nick and Siri: Siri fixes the new iPhone maps

I’m getting scared of Siri’s power.

Watch Siri fix the stupid new iPhone maps. »
- - 2012/09/26 at 11:42 am
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 294 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Nick and Siri
The league of shitty superheroes
- Software Update
- Matt Transit
- T-shirt
- The Vegetable
- Sitdown Man
- Cap’n Capslock
- Stub
- Chick Tract
- P’Zone
- The Invalid
- Cloud Coverage
- Trade Show
- Catman
- Good Cop Good Cop
- Scatterplot
- The Fuck-giver (possible expulsion for not being shitty)
- - 2012/09/26 at 10:56 am
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 211 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Lists
Top 10 stupidest creepy online stories

One of the primary joys of the internet, bar porn and GIFs, is reading user-submitted “true” tales of paranormal encounters. These have littered forums and websites since long before 4chan’s creepypasta. And while some are genuinely frightening, the real gold is in the stupid paranormal story.

The sort of story you find on a website with a rotating skull on the homepage. The sort of story that’s called ‘Baby Eating Werewolf’ and opens with the line “What I’m going to tell you has never been told by me to anybody, with the exception of my mother because I still I believe whatever I saw might come to hunt me.”

So here’s a top ten of that kind of story.

First up: ‘Demon Activity… or Something.’ »
- - 2012/09/26 at 10:00 am
  - by Robyn Wilder
- - 1194 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Bowels of the Internet
Nathan Barnatt’s new dance video is goofy as ever, features an Obama mask

I hope you’re familiar with Nathan Barnatt. He enjoys dancing and classic video games. We’ve posted about him a few times on the Slacktory Tumblr; his dance videos are so fun and well-edited they make me want to learn two things: how to dance and how to edit video.

His new video, released yesterday – National Voter Registration Day – seems passively pro-Obama (he’s wearing an Obama mask). But that’s not what matters. What matters is that Nathan Barnatt made another silly dancing video and that you get to watch it.

Watch Nathanbama do his dance. »
- - 2012/09/26 at 8:00 am
  - by Henry Birdseye
- - 252 views
  - 1 comment
- Filed under:Web Shows
Nicholas Kristof tells Reddit his specific plan for fighting a horse-sized duck

Nicholas Kristof, New York Times columnist, came to Reddit for an AMA interview to promote his new book/documentary “Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide.” User supahappyfuntime asked him:

Hey Mr. Kristof, thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to do an AMA. Would you rather fight one horse sized duck, or 100 duck sized horses?

Kristof answered:

Definitely one horse-sized duck. Then I’d distract it with some cracked corn and, as it gobbled it up, I’d jump on its back and take it for a flight. I’m too poor to afford a private plane, so a personal horse-sized duck would be a nice alternative.

Read the whole thread at /r/IAmA.

Photo by/CC M@rtinn on Flickr
- - 2012/09/25 at 5:08 pm
  - by Nick Douglas
- - 105 views
  - No comments
- Filed under:Whatevs