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Slacktory

Advice

  1. HE-TEXTED

    HeTexted is a website that crowdsources the meaning of your text messages

    Modern day advice columnists beware, there’s a new Dear Abby in town. Well, more like @DearAbby and she’s more like “virtually in town” and there’s like 500 of her–all chomping at the virtual bit to dissect your text messages. Same idea, though!

    Text messages: officially the world’s worst form of communication (Morse Code was more direct!) that have taken over our day-to-day interactions. Even Twitter can afford you more privacy, so arguably, texts have become the phone call’s cooler, more sexy younger sister. This isn’t a good thing.

    Now, a new website that goes by the name HeTexted (Wait, don’t women also send confusing text messages, or are we just more “likely” to read into them?) has popped up, crowdsourcing the vaguest of communications into three distilled answers: “He’s Into You”, “He’s Not Into You”, and “The Verdict Is Still Out”.

    HeTexted.com

    Read more

  2. Jeff Goldblum thinks

    Jeff Goldblum, Advice Columnist

    Please welcome Slacktory’s newest advice columnist, actor and universe-fetishist Jeff Goldblum.

    What kind of gelato do you eat together on a first date?

    @ElviPatterson on Twitter

    Ah! Ah-ha! Gelato! Yes! This is an important question. But then, oh, yes, every question is important. When-when-when a child asks why is the seafoam green or why…why was I ever even born if life is so meaningless…these aren’t funny questions! These are serious—Oh! Oh yes! Life is important. Your question, even though it seems…it seems…I’m sorry to say, it seems stupid. It’s very stupid. But yes, unless, it’s not stupid! Unless it is important! Life’s important! Life finds a way!

    Read the rest of Jeff Goldblum’s advice. »

  3. advice

    Extraordinary Advice: The Advice Column for Questions No One Ever Asks

    Dear EA,
    I was putting on my makeup this morning and I accidentally fell through the mirror glass into another dimension. That’s totally fine, over the last ten hours I’ve come to accept that and make peace with it. I mean, look what it did for The Black Eyed Peas. But the problem is, when I was falling I wasn’t able to grab any of my make-up. Do you have any advice on where to get hopefully inexpensive — I don’t have a job here or know if they have a monetary system — make-up quickly in an alternate dimension?
    Sincerely,
    NakedfacedinXdimension

    Dear NakedfacedinXdimension,

    First of all don’t blame yourself… »

  4. White people with black friends

    Yo, Is This Racist?: I Totally Have White Friends

    I started a website called Yo, Is This Racist?, where (almost exclusively white) people can write in and get my extremely ill-informed opinion about whether or not something is racist. Now I’m an expert on this shit.

    Lately, racists have been really worked up about making sure people know they are friends with, and have interest in, people of color. Maybe it was watching Mitt Romney quote “Who Let the Dogs Out”. Maybe it was The Help. Maybe racists are really trying to better themselves haha no.

    Read three questions about ethnic friends. »

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