Bro-down

The Facebook Terms of Service is a bitch to read. So we translated it into a more familiar vernacular (with a lot of swearing). We also translated the iTunes clickthrough agreement.  Everything from here on out is from Facebook. Kinda.

We use English, bitches. Yeah, we translated it for some of you, but if the translation says anything different at all, English rules. So if you’re not reading this in English, technically none of it matters. Just FYI. Also, you foreigners should check out section 16, fucking stat.

We last fucked with this: April 26, 2011.

Statement of Rights and Responsibilities

All these rules are based on some other rules we have that aren’t really rules so much as guidelines. These rules, though, are the real rules, and they say what you can and can’t do on Facebook, and what we can and can’t do with your shit.  We treat your use of Facebook exactly like college athletes treat silence – consent, motherfuckers.

All right, let’s get cracking. »

The Facebook Terms of Service is a bitch to read. So we translated it into a more familiar vernacular (with a lot of swearing). You can also read the whole thing on one page. Everything below is from Facebook. Kinda.

13. Amendments

1. We can change any of these rules as long as we let you know, and give you a chance to comment on the change. We’ll give you a heads up over on this page, as long as you become a fan. And really, who isn’t a fan of Facebook Site Governance?
2. Okay, look. Some of these sections really are important. Sections 7, 8, 9, and 11 involve money, for example, so we’ll give you a minimum of three days’ notice. For all other changes we will give you a minimum of seven days’ notice. Why would we give you more notice for the shit that doesn’t involve money changing hands? C’mon. Think about it. You know why.
3. Facebook is all about you! So if 7,000 of you people complain about a proposed change, then we’ll let you vote on what we should do instead, even though we come up with the alternatives we propose to you, and they might all suck even more. Does that vote even matter? Absolutely! As long as you get 30% of active users to vote. So, just, uh, round up 210 billion of your closest friends and get them involved!
4. Obviously, if we’re making changes for legal reasons, or because it makes it easier for us to administrate, we don’t have to tell you shit. We’re not going to put it to a fucking vote every time our lawyers are like, “Hey guys, I think this comma should go over there.” We know you, Internet; you’re fucking terrible about commas.

Next up: Shutting your shit down. »

The Facebook Terms of Service is a bitch to read. So we translated it into a more familiar vernacular (with a lot of swearing). You can read it all on one page. Everything below is from Facebook. Kinda.

9. Special Provisions Applicable to Developers/Operators of Applications and Websites

If you run a website or a Facebook Application, then holy shit do we have some motherfucking rules for you! We’ve got more rules here than you could shake a stick at. You’d think, because we published two other documents listing a bunch of new rules, that’d be it. But you’d be mistaken. We also have more rules here. We just… you guys, we fucking love rules.

Read some rules, bros! »

The Facebook Terms of Service is a bitch to read. So we translated it into a more familiar vernacular (with a lot of swearing). You can read it all on one page. Everything below is from Facebook. Kinda.

4. Registration and Account Security

People on here use their real names and information, which is the whole fucking point of Facebook, and we’d like to keep it that way. So when you sign up, here’s what you can and can’t do so we know that you’re who you say you are.

Don’t be a dick, read the rules. »

The Facebook Terms of Service is a bitch to read. So we translated it into a more familiar vernacular (with a lot of swearing). You can read it all on one page. Everything from here on out is from Facebook. Kinda.

We use English, bitches. Yeah, we translated it for some of you, but if the translation says anything different at all, English rules. So if you’re not reading this in English, technically none of it matters. Just FYI. Also, you foreigners should check out section 16, fucking stat.

We last fucked with this: April 26, 2011.

Statement of Rights and Responsibilities

All these rules are based on some other rules we have that aren’t really rules so much as guidelines. These rules, though, are the real rules, and they say what you can and can’t do on Facebook, and what we can and can’t do with your shit.  We treat your use of Facebook exactly like college athletes treat silence – consent, motherfuckers.

1. Privacy

We give lots of fucks about your privacy, so we wrote this. Read it, so you know what the fuck we’re going to do with the shit you post, so you’re not all “Facebook, I had no idea!” when your shit is in our press releases. That way you know the deal when you’re deciding what to post.

Next: Sharing your shit. »