The Wayback Machine - https://web.archive.org/web/20121125042434/http://slacktory.com:80/tag/slacktory-original/

Slacktory

  1. Fun Dip header

    Seventy years of minutes from the Lik-M-Aid Corporation’s annual board meeting

  2. Hanksgiving - Jello mold to Perdition header

    Hanksgiving: Tom Hanks movie posters redone for Thanksgiving

  3. Worst IMDb lists - Howard the Duck

    The 17 worst IMDb lists

  4. Mighy Ducks movie vs NHL team

    The Mighty Ducks of Anaheim are nothing like the movie

  5. Denny's too damn high banner

    Internet memes get ad deals

  6. gumshoe diaries - detective story

    Gumshoe Diaries: “Kill me, Kate”

  7. Alice from the Brady Bunch with the Step by Step family

    “Step by Step” is basically just “The Brady Bunch”

Posts Tagged “Slacktory original”

  1. Fun Dip header

    Seventy years of minutes from the Lik-M-Aid Corporation’s annual board meeting

    I one day wondered why all packages of Fun Dip candy say “Lik-M-Aid” on top of it, as if it’s just one of the many Lik-M-Aid brands of products. The true story is boring and sad, so I invented a more interesting one.

    1942 - Discussed formation of corporation, responsibilities of board members.

    1943 - Discussed introduction of Lik-M-Aid’s initial product line, to be called “Fun Dip”.

    1944 - Fun Dip has been a runaway success.

    1945 - Fun Dip continues to sell well. Discussion of adding new flavors to the portfolio tabled until next meeting.

    1946 - Fun Dip continues to sell well. Cherry and Orange flavors to be rolled out in Q3.

    1947 - Fun Dip continues to sell well.

    1948 - Fun Dip continues to sell well.

    1949 - Lik-M-Aid “Core Values Pyramid” debuts. Most values centered around Fun Dip, promotion thereof.

    1950 - “Keeping Fun Dip affordable, yet delicious” added to Core Values Pyramid.

    And here’s where things get tricky. »

  2. Hanksgiving - Jello mold to Perdition header

    Hanksgiving: Tom Hanks movie posters redone for Thanksgiving

    Tom Hanks is the human personification of a good Thanksgiving. These photoshopped movie posters by Brian Mann prove it.

    See ‘Jello Mold to Perdition’ and more. »

  3. Gangs of New York Five Points

    WARNING: Gangs to watch out for in New York City

    Residents of New York, please be advised to be on the lookout for any suspicious criminal activity involving:

    Treacherous Phil,
    The Frowny Downers,
    The Hitched Villians,
    Their newborn son: Dylan Villain,
    Benedict Arnold,
    to a lesser extent, Benedict Ronald,
    Duck Pond Draymond (IT IS OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE THAT YOU DO NOT ACCOMPANY THIS MAN TO THE DUCK POND),
    See what other gangs to avoid. »

  4. Mighy Ducks movie vs NHL team

    The Mighty Ducks of Anaheim are nothing like the movie

    The 90s Guy is a column by a man from the 1990s.

    When I heard they were making a real NHL team based on The Mighty Ducks, I got really excited. I totally thought this was going to change everything, like how Happy Gilmore changed the sport of golf — only in real life and with hockey instead. I thought the NHL would become more fun and sarcastic and like, I don’t know, demographically diverse I guess.

    But the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim are just like any other boring NHL team. They don’t ever quack to get themselves pumped up, there seems to be little to no focus on the patented triple deke technique, and they have yet to ever skate in a flying V formation.

    If I’m watching a hockey team called the Mighty Ducks, then somebody better be using a lasso at some point. »

  5. Denny's too damn high banner

    Internet memes get ad deals

    After “Overly Attached Girlfriend” meme/comedian Laina Morris shot an ad for Samsung that brilliantly played off her usual work — in other words, once it became clear there was more work out there for memes than Cherry Chocolate Dr. Pepper, other memes got agents and found their own sponsorship deals.

    See what brands signed Nyan Cat, Deal With It, and ‘Aliens’ guy. »

  6. A Portrait of the Artist as Macho Man Randy Savage

    Concept by Matt Jurns

  7. most threatening actors in cyberspace

    The other most threatening actors in cyberspace

    Irrespective of sophistication, the volume of exploitation attempts yielded enough successful breaches to make China the most threatening actor in cyberspace.

    — USCC 2012 Annual Report to Congress

    • George Clooney on Halo 4: Spartan Ops
    • Patton Oswalt and David Cross in an @-war
    • The friend who invited you to her community theater show on Facebook
    • Lena Dunham’s lifeforce
    • Gilbert Gottfried’s deathforce
    • Liam Neesons
    • Mark Hamill, by proxy through fans of his highly successful voiceover career, when a Redditor offhandedly mentions him as a has-been
    • Wil Wheaton, Wil Wheaton, Wil Wheaton
    • Aaron Paul GIFs
    • The chick who plays Daenerys Targaryen, when discussed as total jailbait bro
    • What remains of Frankie Muniz
  8. gumshoe diaries - detective story

    Gumshoe Diaries: “Kill me, Kate”

    The Gumshoe Diaries are a series of detective stories.

    Today I woke up angry again.

    I’d been dreaming about my ex, reliving that moment when I’d summoned enough balls to ask her out on a first date. When she finally agreed, I surprised her by taking her to one of the nicest McDonald’s in New York.

    I was on my best behavior that night, but God knows I wasn’t a prince. I’d hardly said a word throughout the meal because I was too busy leering at my hamburgers like some horny teenager. But Kate was an old-fashioned girl, accustomed to men who objectified pieces of meat.

    Kate was one of those girls with long, normal legs that reached all the way down to the floor… »

  9. Alice from the Brady Bunch with the Step by Step family

    “Step by Step” is basically just “The Brady Bunch”

    The 90s Guy is a column by a man from the 1990s.

    Nice try, Patrick Duffy!

    I’m onto your little ruse. I saw that little stunt you and Suzanne Somers pulled last Friday night during TGIF. And once others wise up to your scheme you’re gonna be in some deep shit.

    First of all you named your show Step by Step but then you didn’t use the New Kids on the Block song of the same name in any capacity, which is just a total waste. But even worse than that, you completely ripped off The Brady Bunch and you didn’t even do a good job of hiding it.

    Let’s look at the evidence. »

  10. Admiral Bristols at basement concert

    LOCAL MUSIC SCENE REPORT WITH FLEET ADMIRAL AND ALLIED COMMANDER BARRISON BRISTOLS

    4/11: The Precious Little Mysteries, Head Full Of Music, and Slaughterhouse Knives at Beanie’s Bar on 28th:

    “DIDN’T GO, WAS FIGHTING CRUCIAL BATTLE AT SEA. EMERGED VICTORIOUS, DUE TO MY ATTENDANCE TO THE BATTLE, RATHER THAN THE SHOW AT ‘BEANIE’S BAR’”

    4/12: Glow Dome Fights the Blue Cube, Treat-Seekers, and iWinslow at Glitterman & Glitterman’s Wee Pub (the OTHER Glitterman and Glitterman’s Wee Pub, the one with live music)

    “NEARLY MISSED FIRST BAND AS PARKING WAS CLOSE TO IMPOSSIBLE (HAD TO DOCK IN NEARBY BONGWATER PUDDLE) WAS STILL IN UNCLEAR HEADSPACE AFTER EMERGENCY NAVAL MEETING RE: OWNERSHIP OF EARTH’S OCEANS. CAN’T DESCRIBE IT. SO MANY HEROS IN ONE ROOM! NETWORKING OPPORTUNITIES WERE ABOUND, AND THE TASK WE SET FORTH TO ACCOMPLISH WAS COMPLETED WITH RELATIVE EASE IN A PROFESSIONAL ENVIRONMENT. COMPARED SWORDS AND SWAPPED SCAR STORIES AFTERWARD. ALSO, THAT MEETING I MENTIONED WENT WELL, TOO!”

    Read the rest of Admiral Bristols’ report. »

  11. james-bond-skyfall-no-gadets-title

    Why I’m glad Skyfall isn’t all about the gadgets

    The new James Bond film, Skyfall, hits theaters tonight! It’s got a 93% on Rotten Tomatoes right now, which should be enough to pique your interest.

    I caught a sneak preview a couple nights ago, and let me tell you right now: This is a good James Bond movie. That’s largely because it’s not like old James Bond movies. None of that old James Bond shit would work today.

    We just can’t be wowed with shoe phones anymore. Sean Connery basically used to get gadgets from the Sharper Image 10 years before they existed. What could Daniel Craig possibly receive from Q that would excite the audience? An iPhone 7?

    And let’s not forget the usual product placement and bland sex… »

  12. iPhone video editing

    More dealbreaker bugs in the iPhone 5

    Apple’s iPhone 5 and the fifth-generation iPod touch appear to be suffering from a strange glitch that means they struggle to keep up with rapid touch inputs, particularly when scrolling at a 45-degree angle.

    — Cult of Mac

    That’s not even the worst bug in the iPhone 5! Consider these other serious flaws:

    • Scraping razor blade across the glass makes unpleasant sound
    • Smaller than iPad Mini
    • Not available as live-updating palm tattoo
    • Sometimes the other player wins Letterpress

    See more problems with the iPhone 5. »

  13. Finn the Human on Adventure Time

    All the best exclamations from Adventure Time’s Finn the Human

    Finn the Human, Adventure Time co-hero with Jake the Dog, has an intense “Bill and Ted”-style exclamatory vocabulary. It’s not “LOL random” — it follows certain rules of portmanteau, euphemisms, and droll self-awareness of self-actualization. Our video editor Bryan Menegus collected all his best shouts in this original Slacktory supercut.

    Until a few weeks ago I thought SpongeBog SquarePants was this vapid kids-only show with no “alt” value, and completely missed its subversive and legitimately hilarious aspects. I could see someone making the same mistake here, if they weren’t aware of Adventure Time‘s long-term satire of children’s shows and development into a mystical art piece. But anyway, let’s watch Finn shout some stuff.

    — Nick Douglas, ed.

    Watch Finn’s wacky exclamations! »

  14. aRealLiveGhost and horse_ebooks avatars

    A CRASH: A poem by @horse_ebooks

    Kimberly Walters (@aRealLiveGhost) builds poems out of tweets from @horse_ebooks. She’s given us an exclusive series of them. Here’s the latest, a companion piece to this poem.

    Previously: Kimmy’s first poem for Slacktory.

    Original tweets: 1,
    2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

  15. Battleship sucks

    Reviewing board games after a week without internet

    Here’s a weird but totally factual statement: Because of the weather, I didn’t have a job last week. As someone who A) relies entirely on the internet for income and b) was among those who lost electricity because of Tropical Post-Rock Hurricane Sandy, I had a whole lot of time to be alone with my thoughts — a pastime everyone pretty much hates.

    In the interest of beating back any nagging memories of embarrassment and wrongdoing, I resorted to the only form of entertainment that works when everything fun is broken: board games. This is how they’ve held up since my childhood.

    Battleship

    Pros: It’s a war game that doesn’t require almost any tactical strategy whatsoever.

    Cons: I lost a bunch of the pieces (see: tried melting them, then threw them out) since the last time I wanted to play Battleship, putting me at a disadvantage that simulated actual warfare. Chalk it up to variant defense spending between sovereign nations.

    Grade: C

    See reviews of Monopoly, Checkers, and more things that aren’t Assassin’s Creed 3 goddamn it. »

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