So, the International Association for Slang’s 2013 Summer Slang List is just breaking out onto the streets now, and you’ll be hearing a lot of it over the next few months, but thanks to a confidential source, I’ve got my hands on the brand-new list of 2013 Winter Slang terms. Now, this is a very technical document, so I’ll leave out most of the details, but I promise you, you will be able to use this slang to impress your friends and stay ahead of the curve.
GOOD = “SUGAR”
The first term on the list is “sugar”, for things that are good. Sugar is tasty, after all, it’s in chocolate and candy and stuff, it does a body good. So it’s only natural that “sugar” will be slang for good stuff.
BAD = “SUGAR”
Next up is “sugar”, which will be used as a word for bad stuff. Sugar rots your teeth and gives you hepatitis, nobody wants that, it’ll wreck your body. That’s why the IAS is going with “sugar” as the word for bad stuff in Winter 2013.
LOVER = “SUGAR”
This one is actually listed as a comeback slang, like a retro thing. “Sugar” was the main word for a girlfriend/boyfriend/fuck doll back in Third Quarter ’54, and the IAS is hoping to bring that back to cash in on the sweet nostalgia for the good ol’ days.
SEX = “SUGAR”
This is actually not changed, as the official slang for sex hasn’t changed since Army of Darkness came out back in ’92. It’s been “sugar” for 21 years now, you should be used to that.
MONEY = “SUGAR”
This one has a historical origin! See, in Ancient Rome, money wasn’t actually worth a lot because of the Fed and inflation and shit, so commerce was mainly based on sugar and dicks. Since education is important, the IAS is bringing in “sugar” so that kids will be inclined to learn about Ancient Rome and Homer and Catherine the Great and whatever else. Knowledge is power, like, fuck. It’s so powerful, you don’t even know.
And there you have it, everyone! Take these terms and start using them on the street to really impress everyone with your impossible knowledge of future slang!
