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IRRELATIONSHIP: How we use Dysfunctional Relationships to Hide from Intimacy Paperback – October 20, 2015
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In this important and transformative guide, three experienced practitioners identify the widespread dysfunctional dynamic they call "irrelationship," a psychological defense system two people create together to protect themselves from the fear and anxiety of real intimacy in a relationship.
Drawing on their wide clinical and life experience, the authors look at the behavioral "song-and-dance" routines repeatedly performed by couples in irrelationships. Readers will find a valuable framework for understanding their challenges with action-oriented tools to help them navigate their way to fulfilling relationships.
Mark B. Borg, Jr., PhD, is a community psychologist and psychoanalyst, and a supervisor of psychotherapy at the William Alanson White Institute.
Grant H. Brenner, MD, is a board-certified psychiatrist in private practice, specializing in treating mood and anxiety disorders and the complex problems that may arise in adulthood from childhood trauma and loss.
Daniel Berry, RN, MHA, has practiced as a Registered Nurse in New York City since 1987 and has worked for almost two decades in community-based programs.
- Print length288 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherCentral Recovery Press
- Publication dateOctober 20, 2015
- Dimensions6 x 0.8 x 8.9 inches
- ISBN-109781942094005
- ISBN-13978-1942094005
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By Mark B. Borg, Jr., PhD, Grant H. Brenner, MD, and Daniel Berry, RN, MHA Making Your Crazy Work for You introduces a new concept: self-irrelationship, in which we inhibit ourselves from realizing our potential by shutting down our emotions and creativity. |
By Mark B. Borg, Jr., PhD, Grant H. Brenner, MD, and Daniel Berry, RN, MHA This invaluable sequel to the best-selling Irrelationship, Relationship Sanity provides tools for affected couples to address the perennial issues facing relationships, striving for meaningful connection and maintaining intimacy. |
By Mark B. Borg, Jr., PhD The single book therapists everywhere will recommend because, at some point or another, we all have been unpleasant toward others. Mark B. Borg Jr. helps readers identify their insecurities so they can live happier lives. |
Editorial Reviews
Review
“Irrelationship is an invaluable user’s guide to the care and maintenance of adult relationships. It shines a light on challenges we often choose to ignore—the adoption of roles that limit us, the replaying of damaging patterns formed by our earliest experiences—and offers insightful and concrete advice on how to do the work necessary to build stronger and happier partnerships.” —Carolyn Parkhurst, Author of The Dogs of Babel and The Nobodies Album
“Irrelationship crosses the frontier of “self help” into a new area which the authors call “self-other help.” The DREAM Sequence used for recovery from irrelationship is designed for couples to work together and help them reconnect with the wonderful chemistry and emotional connections that initially drew them to one another.” —Diana Kirschner, PhD, Bestselling author of Love in 90 Days
About the Author
Grant H. Brenner, MD is a board-certified psychiatrist in private practice, specializing in treating mood and anxiety disorders and the complex problems that may arise in adulthood from childhood trauma and loss. He completed medical school at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey and holds Certificates in Psychoanalysis and in Organizational Psychodynamics from the William Alanson White Institute. Dr. Brenner serves on the board of the nonprofit organization Disaster Psychiatry Outreach. He is a faculty member of the Mount Sinai Hospital and Director of the Trauma Service of the William Alanson White Institute. He is an editor of Creating Spiritual and Psychological Resilience: Integrating Care in Disaster Relief Work, and the author of several papers and book chapters related to disaster response.
Daniel Berry, RN, MHA has practiced as a Registered Nurse in New York City since 1987. He worked for almost two decades in community based programs and private care for HIV/AIDS and substance abuse populations. He is currently the Assistant Director of Nursing for Risk Management at a public hospital serving homeless and undocumented victims of street violence, drug addiction, and severe traumatic injuries. His work history includes employment at two of New York City’s major medical centers and as a visiting nurse in the homes of some of the city’s most privileged households as well as some of its most underprivileged housing projects.
Product details
- ASIN : 1942094000
- Publisher : Central Recovery Press (October 20, 2015)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 288 pages
- ISBN-10 : 9781942094005
- ISBN-13 : 978-1942094005
- Item Weight : 11.2 ounces
- Dimensions : 6 x 0.8 x 8.9 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,455,970 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #3,089 in Popular Psychology Counseling
- #4,448 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)
- #6,567 in Marriage
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors
Grant Hilary Brenner, MD, DFAPA is a psychiatrist known for enabling his clients to overcome stubborn obstacles, unleashing the entrepreneurial spirit, and maintaining resilience. Dr. Brenner brings two decades of consultation, workshops, speaking engagements, therapy, and coaching to his clients, who range from individuals seeking to overcome emotional obstacles to leaders seeking to function better in the workplace. He emphasizes a humanistic and integrative perspective, working flexibly and creatively to tailor therapy to the individual.
Dr. Brenner is board-certified, and a Fellow of both the American Psychiatric Association and the New York Academy of Medicine. He is on faculty at the Mount Sinai Beth Israel Hospital, former Director of Trauma Service at the William Alanson White Institute and Co-Chair of Vibrant Emotional Health's Crisis and Emotional Care Team Advisory Board, Co-Chair of the Disasters, Trauma and Global Health Committee of the Group for Advancement of Psychiatry, and CEO and Co-Founder of Neighborhood Psychiatry. Dr. Brenner co-hosts the Doorknob Comments podcast.
Dr. Brenner is co-author of Irrelationship: How We Use Dysfunctional Relationships to Hide from Intimacy, Relationship Sanity: The Art of Creating Healthy Relationships, and the forthcoming sequel Making Your Crazy Work for You: From Trauma and Isolation to Self-Acceptance and Love (CRP, 2021), an author and editor of the book Creating Spiritual and Psychological Resilience: Integrating Care in Disaster Relief Work, and has published a number of book chapters and papers.
He is an experienced consultant, lecturer and teacher on subjects including resilience and self-care, psychotherapy theory and practice, trauma and neurobiology, organizational dynamics and disaster mental health. Dr. Brenner has appeared regularly in national media spots addressing a variety of subjects. He is sole author of the popular Psychology Today blog entitled ExperiMentations.
He is a 2004 recipient of the President’s Volunteer Service Award (PVSA) from the President’s Council on Service and Civic Participation for his disaster mental health work in New York City following September 11th. He is the first recipient of the Ivan Goldberg Distinguished Service Award for his efforts to bring mental health awareness to a wider and more diverse audience.
Mark B. Borg, Jr., Ph.D. is a community psychologist and psychoanalyst, founding partner of The Community Consulting Group, and a supervisor of psychotherapy at the William Alanson White Institute. He has written extensively about the intersection of psychoanalysis and community crisis intervention. He is in private practice in New York City. Dr. Borg attended graduate school at the California School of Professional Psychology, where he earned both his MA and PhD in a dual-track program in clinical and community psychology. While there, Dr. Borg served on a four-year community empowerment project that was developed in South Central Los Angeles in the wake of the 1992 riots. Also at that time, he conducted individual and group psychotherapy at the AIDS Services Foundation in Orange County, California. He surfs every chance he gets.
Daniel Berry, RN, MHA has practiced as a Registered Nurse in New York City since 1987. Working in in-patient, home care and community settings, his work has taken him into some of the city's most privileged households as well as some of its most drug- and crime-affected public housing projects in Manhattan and the South Bronx. He is a Medicare-Medicaid-certified surveyor-investigator, and worked in the long-term care regulatory sector for more than ten years. Currently, he is the Assistant Director of Nursing for Risk Management at a New York City facility that serves victims of street violence, traumatic injuries and addiction. He is also an honorary nurse consultant to a United Nations-certified NGO based in Afghanistan that promotes community development of services addressing women’s and children’s health issues.
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100% recommended.
In my opinion and personal experience, both of these books are great to understand yourself and your relationship, they explain where our traumas come from in a very empathic and easy way, with a lot of examples, and talk a lot about narcissists... but if you (like I was) are in a relationship with a narcissist, things get trickier. And I'll tell you why.
This book can open your eyes but it might also give you hope, you may feel too much compassion for the narcissist in your life (now that you understand what's going on and... hey, it's an illness after all, right?) and you might try to become their savior giving them all your love and even more patience, only to be abused and battered a bit more... I recommend you always keep in mind that you have been gaslighted and manipulated for some time now, and that if you are here buying this book is because you feel confused and misunderstood (I didn't do this and I payed for it).
Later on, you will read somewhere else and even experience it yourself: narcissism is not curable.
If you read this book and confirm or discover your partner is a narcissist, my advice is that you work on letting them go. Find another book, watch another video, read about the grey rock method and detach as soon as possible, take your baby steps and time you need.
This book might be too optimistic and it may lead you to continue in a destructive relationship, it is very careful to use the word "narcissist", so read between the lines. If your partner is not a narcissist or you are the narcissist and want to change (unlikely, but it rarely happens), it probably helps in healing a relationship.
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