I've never read a how to book in my life. And now I kind of regret that! This book has revolutionized one (or two!) important corners of my life. It comes out of the recent, extreme political tension in the U.S. While the country has been increasing its polarization for a while, I think it's most extreme point has been the last few years. This is both sad and dangerous. The authors, knowing this, wrote this book. If you want to have good, worthwhile, effective conversations with those who think differently from you (there's no point in talking to those who think the same as you!), then read this book! My personal opinion is that Americans have an obligation to save their country. And it starts between our houses chatting with our neighbors, at work with coworkers, and at home with crazy Uncles. Who carries the most weight with your friends and family? You! Avoiding them is like avoiding your duty. But how to do it? First, and most importantly, read this book!
The first third of this book is basically how to have a relationship. Reading these chapters was a bit embarrassing for me. I could see that our collective problem in the United States is that we don't know how to have a relationship. It's like we're all children! And no, children can't rule countries (effectively). Most chapters end with an encouragement for you to practice the principles in that chapter before you move to the next chapter. Why? First, the principles are hard. It takes work and practice. But second, these principles build on each other. I've been trying them on my sweet father. So far, so good! And that's saying a lot!
The content is kept to a minimum. It is concise. The authors, while highly educated, use very accessible language. They use examples, which is key! They include many actual conversations which illuminates the ideas. The content is well organized, taking you from introductory skills (which are actually the most important!) to the more advanced.
The last two thirds of the book are about how to intervene in someone else's thinking. This may sound horrible or invasive, but if you read the first few chapters first, you'll have compassion, humility, kindness, gentleness, and other unnatural (but wonderful) things drilled into you before this point! (And they make sure to say in the later chapters that all of this depends on you actually understanding/incorporating the first few chapters.) Again, I was embarrassed reading these things! I should know to behave like this, but my default setting in a contentious conversation is combat and protecting my ego. Which is the worst possible mindset I can occupy! This book will revolutionize your thinking!
The authors make it very clear that, as much as you may want to change someone else's thinking, you must be open to your thinking changing. They model it themselves! They record times where their thinking was changed! Seeing this humility was extremely helpful. These guys deserve a medal in human goodness. And I say that as a practicing Christian who is fully aware that both authors are outspoken atheists. They're good guys and this is content the U.S. needs now. Enjoy! Share it with friends! I've bought it for two friends and will likely buy it for more! And I will be referencing this book for years to come. Thank you Peter and James!
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Reviews with images
Bought "New" but looks like it's been used from the cover's condition
This is purely commenting on the physical condition of the book, not on any of the writing. As you can see in the photos attached in my review, the paperback quality isn't that good although supposedly it's new. Clearly it was either poorly packaged or not new.For this reason I give 4 not 5.
Top reviews from other countries
Janet
One of the most valuable books of our time.
Reviewed in Canada on December 1, 2022
Debra Krall
Excellent reading for our times
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 1, 2023Jurek Molnar
Lesenswert, unterhaltsam, nützlich und unedingt empfehlenswert
Reviewed in Germany on October 28, 2019
