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Horrifically Brutal
Julia is in shock about how terrible her date was.
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Oh, dear. Where do I begin? (Shakes head.)
We see me at lunch with Keith, and it looks like I'm doing all the talking! Literally. All. Of. It. Fun! I don't feel like a total loser or anything watching that. If I look and sound visibly nervous, it's not your imagination: I was terrified. Everyone has their dream job -- for me, that was writing for ELLE. When I pitched them my Guinea Pig of Love column, it meant a lot to me (read the series, in which new columns will appear every week for the next seven). I desperately wanted to make a good impression, but I guess I just sounded desperate. Note to self: when feeling desperate STOP TALKING. Or just, you know, stop talking in general. Sigh.
Meanwhile, Amy looks insanely hot working out at the gym. Damn you, Amy! Anyway I do love a good ice-skating date, because I'm a dork, apparently, although I'm a little intimidated by Amy's discipline -- no hot chocolate? Girlfriend, I eat bags of chocolate on the regular. How else am I supposed to deal with stress? Go to the gym and be healthy?! Oh, wait. Hmm. Maybe Amy's on to something here. And then there's Emily, getting macked on hardcore by a rapper who basically wants to rub his face all over her body like she's a cat scratching post or something. (WHO TAKES SOMEONE TO A STRIP CLUB ON A FIRST DATE?!) It's damn amusing, because I relate to the say-yes-to-everything mentality with a heavy dose of f—k-why-did-I-just-say-yes-to-THIS? aftermath, which sometimes leads to a "I'M SAYING NO TO EVERYTHING EXCEPT CHOCOLATE." Which is the state I was left in after watching my double date with Chris this episode.
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In fact, I'm pretty sure the entire last section of that date should have just been stamped with an enormous red circle with an X through it, like a no smoking sign. NOOO! It's the kind of date that makes you believe in old-fashioned dating rules like never, ever, ever kiss the boy first. (I thought we had all moved beyond those rules! Apparently not.) Plus, one more very small point: I have not before, nor will I ever again, play spin the bottle after the age of 9. WHY DID I THINK THAT WOULD BE A GOOD PLAN? I don't know. But trust me when I say it was not. (Beach volleyball, on the other hand, was unexpectedly entertaining.)
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(Smashes head into wall again.)
So yeah, that's it for this episode. Please catch me humiliating myself again every week for the next six weeks at 10/9c.
You can also find me humiliating myself somewhat less on Twitter @JuliaAllison or on Facebook.com/JuliaAllison or on my website xoJulia.com.
x
Julia